A PERFECT DAY

   A beautiful garden, full of roses and peaches, garnished the small hills. Some of the pleasant things always end up being the suffered ones. My heart aches to watch around the beautiful spring blossoming the world while mine is breaking apart. I wonder; could the almighty has to be cruel and allow me to watch such enigmatic picturesque. I pulled out a camera from my stuffed bag and snapped the moment. The nearest tree was the youngest one, still trying to emerge into the world of old; it's amusing at the same time when I think about those feelings when one tries to abide by the rules of the old generation endeavoring to become as strong as others. Yet, our heart speaks the language of deficient. That youngest one was trying to blossom the most beautiful peach flowers. I strolled around smirkingly. I glanced at the cleared sky that carried the snowflakes clouds; indeed is a perfect day. My mind whispered positive remarks; my heart couldn't hold back, knowing no perfect days could bring my life back. Some say the eyes are the most beautiful part of the body; I agree as they always side with the heart, making tears stumble out of them. I passed through the parking lot of the hospital that had vehicles parked linearly. 

   Few people wandered around discussing, fuming, and crying while others were disturbed and resenting. Some seemed well too. Some were preparing for goodbyes, and my heart trembled about the thoughts. My eyes rambled around for the urge of emotions; A little boy sat on the bench watching the crowd like me. His eyes were teary, longing, and with desire. Out of control, I paced at him. His eyes wandered around the same young tree and consciously looked at me. He struggled to stand and lumbered space for me. I sat down and tied his semi-tied shoelaces and questioned,

"Where are your other family members?"

   He stared with disgust or repentant at me. Resentment sprinted my heart, as perhaps I shouldn't have asked the question. For a while, his emotions changed drastically. I waited for him to calm down and sat beside him. He looked up into my eyes and found a little warmth in those stares, 

"There's no one."

   I hesitantly inquired,   

"Why are you out here?"

   He sat more comfortably and drew his bag out of his back. He unzipped the bag, dug out a photo, and handed me. A woman stood under the young tree of the peach flowers along with her little child in her arms, and a beautiful smile shinned their faces. The resemblance between the child in the photo and the one beside me was uncanny. He had a little round face with unsettling big eyes, his hair covered the forehead, and his smile seemed serene. He touched my fingers and directed me towards her mother's face, 

"She is beautiful, isn't she? uncle?"

   Her mother had similar eyes to his child, and her hair was wavy contradictory to her child. I patted his hair and answered,

"Yes, she is beautiful. And you're just like her."

   He appeared more lively and happy in her arms, curiously I asked,

"Where is she?"

"She is inside, uncle. But now, she doesn't look the way she used to. She is different."

   She would be feeling the pain like my wife. Does the child know that his mother is suffering? Maybe in a few days, he won't be able to see his mother at all? I glanced at the building, with my heart breaking into pieces,

"Soon, she'll be as beautiful as she is in this photo."

   He doesn't seem convinced and said,

"No. I overheard that she will disappear."

   It was unsettling to hear such words with courage out of the child of mere ten years, I reconciled,

"Though, she'll remain as beautiful as this picture because she is a lovely lady, isn't she?"

   He looked at me with appreciation,

"Yes, uncle. she'll always be my lovely mum."

   I apologetically looked down at my hands, 

"Go. Harbor and Spend some good time with her. "

   

   Saying without a glance, I stood up and went inside the building. Words were harsh but were better to speak out loud right now than to regret it later. Following my advice for myself, I went towards room 9, where my wife was sleeping peacefully. The incense of lily-of-the-valley that dwelled near her bed magnificently made her look royal. The beep-beep of the monitor near her caught each of her heartbeats. I paced near her, controlling my heartbeats, and started counting each second that I was with her. If a machine could monitor my heart, it would have run like a thunderstorm. Because my heart is wobbling, it is afraid, terrified even, any of these moments could be the last one with my lovely wife sleeping near me, peacefully. The tiny drops escaped my eyes, making it uncontrollable to move. I wept, near her bed, soundlessly. After a while, her arms reached me, consoled me, and these are the moments, though spending well, I am going to miss. No other touch could bring calmness to my heart than her and the grim fact that it will disappear like the wind. She lovingly patted my head and brushed my hair,

"And like the wind, I'll always flow around you."

   I raised my position and looked at her beautiful big brown eyes that puffed under the impression of dark circles. Still, she is the most beautiful woman, her smile with little giggles making my cheeks lollop pink. She took my hands under the roof of her palms and embraced the warmth; she stomped for the corner of the bed,

"Sit beside me, will you? Darsh."

    I bunglingly sat near her without leaving her hand, took her under my arms,

"I'll never let you go. You have to be here, with me, just like this, under my arms."

   I yowled, unable to accept the fact that I couldn't protect her. I want to stay by her side; If it's the death she had to face, I want to be by her side, facing along with her. But, I couldn't even save her; all I could do was sit with her under my arms. 

   She put her head around my chest, took a gush of breath, and chuckled,

"I saw a dream....."

   I embraced her fingers and brushed her hair, humming her favorite song, city of stars,

"What kind of dream?"

   She chuckled and thought for a while, for sentences or words I wasn't sure,

"Just a dream, where we are together."

   She remained mum for a while, making me hysterical; I embraced her cheeks and again brushed her hair, 

"Tell me your dream."

   She stood a glance at my face and chuckled, 

"On a perfect day of the spring, the peach flowers overshadowed green leaves; Snowflakes clouds flew around the sun, the brightest in the blue. We sat on the top of the mountain, together, hand in hand. I felt your loving stare that I can't touch but purely embrace. Under the protection of the youngest tree, which had the most beautiful peach flowers, we sat, just like now. I looked prettier, like the day of our marriage. You hummed me, city of stars, beautifully. I doodled with your longhand...."

   She doodled my hands like the way she spoke about her dream, I shuddered at the thought, and it made me feel helpless. I kneeled in front of the unimagined, and I lost for her protection. I failed to fulfill her dreams. She sat under my arms, without the energy to live, with the oxygen mask, and yet I won't be able to save her. She is suffering, more than I can think of, and yet, I want to feel her love. She endured my agitation and was smiling for me. How cruel could this have become?

   She continued,

"I looked into your eyes and said, 'I love you so much, Darsh. I remember the day we met, walked across each other on the rainiest day, and you offered me your umbrella. Under the beautiful red umbrella, we crossed the journey beautifully. When we reached home, I saw your face, your browniest hair skipped my heart, and you glanced at me with your beautiful long-laced eyes. I felt emotions that I never imagined. It felt good to hold your hands and walk beside you every day. It was blissful to think of you as my own. The day you kneeled in front of me to propose the marriage, I was astounded to be the fortunate person to have your hand. It still makes the butterflies fly in my stomach to have you as my partner till the end.' saying this, we looked at the sun turning red, and you held my hand and released another one; you kneeled in front of me and said, 'Mrisha, I'll always love you.'...."

   I grabbed my only chance, interrupted her,  

"No. I'll say what I must've said on that perfect day, 'Mrisha, The day when we first met, I saw you standing in the rain, a beautiful girl with big brown eyes looked at me, it felt like you have seen through me. I longed to be with you. I felt as if you stood there, in front of me, for my whole life. Under the red umbrella, When we walked together, the time passed like centuries, and having you with me made me the happiest person. You became an inseparable part of me, and I couldn't imagine my life having meaning without you. The day I proposed to you, I promised myself, 'you will always be my everything.'; I dreamt of fulfilling your desires and never fade your smile with giggles. I'm the luckiest person to have known and got to be able to live a beautiful journey with you.' Yet, I've broken the promise to keep you always happy and always protect you. Please forgive me. I'll always love you."

   She tightened her position, without turning her head from my chest, and said,

"You've achieved every promise. I couldn't have imagined being able to live a happy life without you. It was a short life yet......"

   Her silence made my heart shiver. Her cold fingers, which became heavier, turned calm, she murmured through her breath,

"Yes, yet, the happiest."

   In front of us was a big window that shadowed the red sun as it went down on the horizon on a perfect day. The trees swayed around along the winds bidding farewell to the sun. I hummed her, city of stars, endlessly. My heart stanched far away, but she remained cold-blooded under my arms. The beep-beep monitor went to endless beep for her heartbeats; lily-of-the-valley dwelled near the death. I brushed her hair and exclaimed,

"Goodbye. My love. Be at peace."

   Tears turned into the ice as they swayed around the loved one. I lost everything in a single moment, and life turned shortest. I wanted to be with her either in life or death. As I was farewelling my wife, the door opened, and the window reflected an image of the child. I fell short of my advice. How could I ask a child to say goodbyes to her mother when I couldn't even pass through the same. The pain of my heartache is incurable. I have no life left to live without her. The child paced near me, brushed my hair, and said,

"Uncle, she was the most beautiful girl."

   Suddenly, my tears went free in front of him. I could weep for my heart, for my life. I hugged my wife with all the protection and love that I could bestow her. I sat in her bed, with her in my arms, for forever is not enough, not for me. The child patted our heads and hugged us, but I couldn't lose my grip. I wanted to sit, just like now, having her in my arms. She has to be with me.