Search For My Home

Chasing dreams and chasing people are two things that often distract us from loving ourselves. But the act of chasing mesmerizes frequently. The shortage of breath alongside the pounding heart makes us feel alive. Like the burning sun and freezing moon, life combines pain with serenity. In one meditation session, Jay Shetty describes Peace as suffering for the betterment while pleasuring as selfishly lazy. But what if I despise serenity? I abhor fulfilled. Yet another day I spent guiltily. I need a purpose.

A purpose that my 7-year-old younger self found when she climbed out of her school’s autorickshaw halfway. Confidently announcing,

“I could go home on my own.”

During rush hour, the driver didn’t care enough and moved on towards the next child’s destination, blared,

“Fine. Move on your own.”

I smiled with the emotions of encouragement and assumed; I could pull out my braveness and brag about it in the future. Tiny steps forward in the uniform, which had a white shirt and blue skirt shinned, two ponytails that deviated the shadow of the evening. The brightness of the sun began fading, and I roamed around the buildings that had a similar structure as my own. 

The rough tiles of the building felt strange; cats roamed and played around freely, making me jealous and warm. I felt the sudden urge to see my Mumma even though anger would subside her smile. I felt the urge to climb my window and hide inside the blanket to forget how stranger this unfamiliar yet similar place feels. 

My heartfelt heavier as tears filled my eyes with those sweet memories of home. My braveness pertained to stupidity. I broke to my knees, a muddy girl midst of the sunset. I cried,

“Mumma, I miss you. I wanna come home.”

Scraping my head with the palms, the only warmth I could get had this limit. My shoulder warmed with the little palms that consoled my heart. I wept my eyes clean and watched for the boy, sparkling eyes with a dimpled smile offered me a bowl of rice;

“Do you want to eat with me? “ 

My stomach pounded at the sight of the simple rice. I cornered around him and grabbed the bowl to fulfil my hunger. If it could’ve been any other day, I would have talked with him about how his eyes sparkled more than the stars at night. It comforted me suddenly. I appreciated the playground in front of the stranger building. I wanted to brag about everything about the playground and the games I liked to play. Alongside, I wanted to know more about the boy beside me. Though I felt warmer with the boy, I missed my home.

The boy assured,

“I’ll come with you to your home.”

He cleaned my face with his handkerchief, which smelled like pleasant mist. I giggled and followed his lead. Not too far, but only a few blocks away, I saw one of the familiar neighbours; and rushed towards the door. I screamed,

“Mumma, I’m Home.”

I rushed to hug and embrace her with all emotions running in my mind alongside promising myself never to roam alone. I declared,

“I missed you.”

While I heard the handsome boy happily sharing my warmth and love.