Locked Down on Thanksgiving

I wonder how Thanksgiving got its name. I guess it’s the day where you’re thankful for what you have. But this Thanksgiving wasn’t quite a thankful one. It was the most un-thankful one we have ever had. I guess eating a banana stuffed turkey does something to a person. So, um, yeah, let me tell you the story of thanksgiving, Uncle Percy style.

“Percy, get the silver platter from the basement, to carve the turkey,” Aunt Maureen yelled from the kitchen, we were having breakfast. “Why me,” uncle whined. “I got stuck down there last time!” “Well, someone’s got to go get it,” aunt said. “I’m going! I’m going! Why do you have so many tantrums, Maureen?” We laughed.

Ten minutes later, the platter was rinsed, dried, and ready to go. But there was nothing to put on it. So we put the platter next to the cake stand and went into the kitchen. “Percy, you stuff the turkey and don’t put cookies in there like last time. Tamara, gravy duty. Pepper, cupcake frosting, and Rachel make the cupcakes. I’ll make the corn.”

We began. After two minutes’ worth of work, I got a phone call. I kept the chocolate chips next to the corn and went to get it. It was a classmate. I took the phone into the kitchen and began to work. I picked up two bags of chocolate chips and dumped them into the mix. Aunt took the corn and dumped it into boiling water. Then she left the kitchen.

After I put the cupcakes in the oven, I went to take a look at the frosting. Then I saw the corn. There was melted chocolate in the bowl. So what was in the cupcakes? I ran to the oven and pulled the molds out. Sure enough, there was corn in my beautiful cinnamon cupcakes. Why me!? I made a fresh batch of cupcakes and took these ones out. Then I put in more corn to cook. Uncle was watching all this. After I left, he took the banana stuffing out of the turkey, and put my corny (in both senses of silly, and filled with corn) cake mix into it. Cinnamon turkey. Yuck!

Now let’s move on to the Tamara show. She had no idea how to make gravy. So she took turmeric and boiled some milk. Then she skimmed the cream and blended it with the milk. Then she added all the turmeric to it. It still needed some color. So she took orange food coloring and added it. Then she tasted it. She got sick. This dinner was going from ‘Thanksgiving dinner’ to ‘AFV (America’s Funniest Videos) winner’.

Pepper’s turn! Our family frosting recipe is beaten egg whites, for the creamy texture; powdered sugar so that it actually tastes good; and food coloring, the source of Tamara’s gravy and her eyeshadow. Pepper altered the recipe. Take a bunch of eggs and toss them in. Then blend them to crush the shells. Freeze it. Frosting ready. Call an ambulance, and dig in. Tastes best when put on Rachel’s corny cinnamon cupcakes.

So you can see, the only edible things we had were corn and, hopefully, my cake. Aunt came down to cook the turkey and heat the gravy, and sent us up to get ready. I locked my room’s door and intended to stay there, had Tamara not banged on the door, tricked me into opening it, and dragged me down to dinner. “If we have to eat gunk, there is no way you’re getting out of it,” Pepper said.

 And the dining table, aunt was sitting with a frown. Immediately, all of us got scared. What if the dinner wasn’t good? If we upset aunt, we might end up being next thanksgiving’s special. Uncle brought out the silver platter, under the lid was my cupcakes, with pretty pink frosting. Aunts frown had given way to a smile. We understood that she had been frowning to cover up that she knew everything all along, and had actually done all the work herself. “I figured you couldn’t do it. So I gave you all work, just to keep you busy. Tamara’s gravy is now in the Pumpkin Pie’s mouth, Percy’s turkey in Rover’s bowl, and Peppers frosting as tomorrow’s breakfast. I don’t know about the shells, so I will assume you can eat them.” I guess this thanksgiving wasn’t so bad after all.