I'll be waiting for you there where it all started

Today after all those years of self-blaming, guilt, and melancholy I felt I have finally mustered up all my strength to face the situation I was always running from. I am standing in front of her grave holding the letter she sent me 7 years back. I gathered all my courage and started reading the letter because I knew on the other side it will be me vs me.

I know everyone's mind is filled with numerous questions to whom you all want answers then let's go back to where it all started.

8 YEARS AGO

I was panting heavily and I'm dead tired from running because I was really late for my first day at Vatican University as a Ph.D. student in the department of Psychology. I completed my graduation a year back in Michigan, after that I was really confused about which stream to pursue but as we all heard about love at first sight, this is exactly what happened between me and psychology.

But today was definitely not my day, I got late for class, got scolded by the professor, fell down stairs, hurt my elbow, and a lot more but the only good thing that happened today was the therapy session demonstration. 

If I briefly explain this then it is kind of a virtual scenario of what happens during a talking session with a patient who is having some issues which can't be treated with medications. The most exciting part about this is we are allotted a single patient to have a talk with them and know their current psychological scenario & if we get to make them any better we will be getting special grading points. 

But at that time I had no idea how this one event will be changing my whole life, it will turn my whole life on a new track.

Days passed, it was nothing new happened it was just the repetitive cycle of attending lectures, doing assignments, taking assessments, going to the dorm, studying, eating, sleeping, and then all over again. The end of the semester approached after our final exam we will be getting introduced to our first patient I was really excited about that.

After our semester ended, on a fine chilling winter morning I was walking towards the head of the department's room to get my grading sheet and my first patient's case report. I knocked on the door, and a very calm yet steady COME IN reverberated. When I entered the room I realized I came at the wrong time, sir was in between a therapy session, I expected a lashing out from sir but he calmly told me to sit down and listen to the session which was very bizarre to expect this from a stubborn and haughty teacher like him. Nevertheless, I sat down and started listening to them.

On the other side of the chair, there was a brunette woman who was in her early forties, with fair skin, long curly hair, slim body, seems to be 5'6" in height, seems to be fit body, good facial ratio but with glum eyes. As the conversation goes on I realized it was not her first session, she was promptly answering but her words seems to be bathed in sadness and persuasion. 

She was talking about seeing someone in her dreams who seems to be from her previous life, she believes she is the reincarnation of someone who is romantically involved with that person. Truly speaking I found it ridiculous but the first lesson we had been taught in psychology was when you are talking to the person don't show your own feelings and thoughts, that's why I kept quiet.

Many moments passed, and suddenly a thought struck my mind why don't we investigate the accuracy of the dreams she is having or try to tally the details to know whether she is confabulating or not? I realized that the voices went quiet, I lifted my head from my notebook & I saw sir looking at me like where did your all common sense go, but the lady she is looking at me with tears and gratitude-filled eyes like she was telling me this is the first time somebody told me that's its not her delusion. Then I realized I literally voiced out my thoughts out loud.

HOD sir said by suppressing his anger why should we know about the accuracy of her dreams, I just simply said TO BREAK A BELIEF YOU HAVE TO STRIKE ON ITS ROOT, IF IT IS HOLLOW OR NON-EXISTENT, and THE WHOLE BELIEF WILL CRUMBLE ON ITS OWN.

I thought this will offend the lady but she hurriedly said" Hello, I am Nevile from the East coast." I was dumbfounded by her reaction, ultimately knowing nothing to do I also introduced myself " Hello ma'am, I am also Neville but with an extra L from Michigan". 

Upon hearing this she started laughing and thanked me because in all these years this is the first time somebody wants to know about the accuracy of her dreams rather than considering them as delusional.

At that very moment, sir said in a very mocking manner " Neville with an extra L , I think now Miss Nevile Ian is your first case". This whole sentence and tone infuriated me but at the same time made me competitive, I gave my answer to sir in a very calm and affirmative matter.

Now, this has become a matter of pride, my amour-propre and capabilities, but I never knew this was far from that.

Miss Ian and I exchanged numbers and I decided to meet her outside of this therapy room on the weekend because I knew if I have to end it at its root I have made her believe in me so that when her delusion crumbles she can be monitored by me but who knew I will be the crumbling one. On Saturday night Miss Ian messaged me to meet her in a location that she shared with me.

Sunday morning got a little warmer than yesterday or it was my determination that made me warm I really don't know. I took a cab to reach the destination for today, and the cab driver asked me if this is far from the main city and if I was aware of this. Even though I said yes but after this information, I got a little strike on my determination that am I doing this right trusting someone who I only knew for 48 hours the next moment when I remembered HOD sir's face it extinguished all my doubts.

When the cab driver said that the location is far away from the main city he was definitely not joking, soon I was out of the city and was in between lush green meadows it slowly became so peaceful around me, the wind was ruffling my hair, warm rays are falling on my face and all the worries are getting out of the system.

I was surprised when I reached the location it was at the edge of a high cliff which made me scared because I was followed by someone who I just knew for 48 hours in this isolated deep trench area, it felt like even if I die here today nobody will be having any clue about it. I was slowly examining the area and had an emergency number dialed up on my phone when I got jump scared.

Miss Ian was standing just at the tip of that high cliff, it was like just a nudge she will get plunged into the void of death. I cautiously moved near her and said hello in the meekest manner possible so that she won't be surprised. Miss Ian turned towards me and said," Neville, do you want to know why I called you here". Her tone made me a little concerned but still I nodded, getting an affirmative response she started," Neville this is the place I died in my previous life, I jumped from here if you ask me why I don't know but I just remember that I was running from someone or running towards someone." 

She moved nearer to the edge if that was possible and continued," Sometimes I really want to jump here and reach to the deepest pits so that I can stop all these dreams, all these hallucinations of mine." 

After this I completely became aware that right now she is distressed because of something that happened this morning or maybe on the previous day, I knew empathy won't work here so I approached in a different strategy," Miss Ian how can you say this is your hallucinations, it may be not."

She screamed and said," Nobody believes me, everyone thinks I am crazy, I can't differentiate between reality and hallucinations." I replied calmly, " I do." These two words stopped her and before she can do anything I pulled her from the edge just after that she started crying hysterically, from her this episode I understood one thing she was heavily anguished and disenchanted by the situation she was in. 

I waited until she calmed down and got a good jumpscare again when she suddenly spoke," Neville you must also be thinking that I am crazy. " I replied in a negative, she continued," I had these dreams from the time I got consciousness from my accident 14 years back," She turned towards me and continued," I told all of this to my doctor they said maybe its PTSD from which I was suffering from, I also tried to believe that but these dreams were making me more and more cautious of them, they are becoming clearer and clearer and...", she suddenly stopped and she was like finding the most convincing words to make me believe in her, to know the core of her delusion I have to get to know the whole picture so I encouraged her," And what, Miss Ian. "

"And it's becoming like it is making me aware of something or someone who is waiting for someone close to him. You know what I clearly hear him saying.." Again she stopped but this time it was like she was entering into some headspace, to stop her from that, I hurriedly asked her," Miss Ian..", no response so I slightly jerked her," Miss Ian, what does that person say."

She looked straight into my eyes with thousands of emotions and said, " NO MATTER HOW MUCH FAR YOU GO, HOW MANY MOMENTS PASSES AWAY, HOW MANY SEASONS GOES BY, HOW MUCH PAIN I HAVE TO ENDURE, MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL NEVER FADE AWAY & I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU THERE, THE PLACE WHERE IT ALL STARTED, MY LIGHT.", after that there was complete silence between us only the sound of the peaceful rustling of weed grasses, gushing of wind, bird chirpings and our breathing sounds were heard. 

After quite a good time she again started," Initially I was also sure Neville that I am being delusional, all of this is not TRUE until I found this place. Believe me, Neville, this place is exactly the same as my dreams, yes some changes happened like the road it is now cemented previously it wasn't." She stood up and started running in that direction, that was my cue to follow her. She stopped at some distance & turned toward me and said, " Here was a kinda stone bench where we used to seat, & here there was this open space hidden by lots of like 4 feet long grasses, I used to dance here and he used to watch me with so much love in his eyes.", I couldn't control myself from asking a question," You have seen his face", because I knew if it really is a dream then the person can't remember faces but if its a delusion then a person can imagine a face, I was also getting intrigued in the story so this was the moment of the truth which will decide the result of this whole scenario.

She paused and said," You also don't believe me Neville", before I could say something she continued," NO I can't Neville, I just assumed it, you want to know why because this same scenario has occurred many times, sometimes I was wearing a frill dress & he was wearing a coat, one day I was in lace one & he dressed like an artist, not only here Neville there was this market just after half a mile, we used to go there I have this whole veil covering my face, we used to go to campfire together and you know there was this library near the market where we first met." All this stuff she told me in one breath so right now she is panting a little bit.

I knew a little part of me had started believing in her but a much large part of me asking for its logicality, the chain of events she is telling me about seemed so much true that I was also getting a little shaken. I said," Miss Ian other than all these events you see in your dreams, something in this real world you found similar or some evidence of that person. " 

"No........but if we look into the police records or we look into the places that I see in my dreams, maybe we will get some clues about him. Neville, you are the first person that has shown me trust, you are the first person who is willing to listen to me, who is willing to at least know the practicality. Neville believes me that if we start excavating the facts we will definitely find him. Please Neville, Please try to trust me, please." She again started crying and literally begged someone to trust her.

I was so conflicted about my own thoughts, my gut was telling me to excavate the facts but if I do this aren't I encouraging her to believe in her delusion, or am I also getting entrapped by her delusion I believe in her doesn't that mean I am being empathetic which I can't be. All these thoughts are wrestling in my mind so I decided not to take any decision right now that's why I told her to rest and have a further discussion we will be doing in our next session. I drove her home, and during my departure, she told me that today her family told her if she is not letting go of this fantasy of hers they will be shifting her to a psychiatric hospital for more treatment, this was the reason that she was so distressed. So I asked her why doesn't let go of this, and she calmly told me that HE IS WAITING FOR ME THERE WHERE IT ALL STARTED. I was surprised yet impressed by her determination which made my mind more in chaos.

Then days started passing by I used to meet Miss Ian every weekend at places she had dreams about, & truly speaking I don't know if she was getting better or plunging deeper into delusion which made her happy. I also excelled in my first case and got my grading points due to her improvement but there was a tinge of fear in me that was asking me am I doing this right by hearing her dreams, am I pushing her towards doom, am I taking benefit of her, am I doing this wrong.

To demolish all these self-doubts I decided to investigate one of the dreams she told me about. It was about that person working in a museum-like organization of some rich family and she said that the old heritage photo album displayed there has their photo in it on the last page of the book when I asked how she just said that she saw that book in hands of him, he liked to take pictures of nature and us. I said maybe it was the other book with the same printing press but she asked me to look at the cover of the book, and the photo displayed on it. When I observed it, it seemed like the same place where she took me on our first therapy session but in the picture, there was a girl present a bit far from the camera, she said it was her. Initially, I thought it was ridiculous because this is so random BUT this can be the most important clue of this story, if there's any photo like that then this whole story is not a delusion it's an incomplete chapter of someone's love story. 

I don't have any idea how to excavate this fact but the self-guilt which was eating me encouraged me to do this. I am not the type of person who feels elated in treachery. So I decided to do something that changed both of our lives and it was the most idiotic thing I had ever done. The plan was to break into the museum, take that old heritage album book, look for the photo if found then take a picture & if not then return to base, I mean to the dorm. This whole thing was so dangerous and illegal that it could lead me to prison but this fact of how can my young hormones will allow me to realize.

As a result, on the next Sunday night, I decided to execute the plan. Truly speaking it was not a James bond job, I just had to know the location of the back gate, cut the glass case, take out the book, search for a photo, if positive then take the picture & if not then come back the same path. It seemed like an easy job but I had not even the slightest idea that this will become a fateful day in our lives. The fateful day came I was ready but there was something going on in the back of my mind, some sort of warning which I ignored, I shouldn't have.

Everything was going according to plan, I unlocked the back gate more accurately speaking broke the lock, and entered that museum, it was dimly lit but you can clearly make out the structures present there, still, for double safety, I turned on my torch and moved towards the glass case. I took out my glass cutter which I borrowed from the mechanic near my dorm and started cutting the glass which was really a tough job for me, after giving so much effort I succeeded and the book was just in front of me. This is the moment of truth for me but before I could even open that book, the siren went off. Now I had two choices, first to run away without knowing the truth and second to know the truth right there. If you are thinking why I can't run away with the book it's because that book is attached with its base, so to take that I have to dilapidate it. I chose the second option, why, I don't know but to know the truth at that moment became most important for me.

Gathering all my strength I opened the book, and to my surprise, there was not a picture of her but a bunch of pictures of a lady in her early twenties or maybe younger who has a striking resemblance with Miss Ian. Those pictures are perfect setting into the dreams she told me about, in some pictures that lady is in some dance posture wearing a frill dress, or she is standing near a flower stall, or she is studying some book in a library, she was walking through meadows, and much more. My hands were trembling, my legs were shaking, my vision was getting blurred and I was breathing heavily because I was getting the biggest scare of my life, the fact in no world I wanted to believe was in front of me and most importantly my heart dreaded for that lady who is fighting for more than a decade with the whole world to keep her belief, her love, she was fighting to keep the fragment of his promise and burden of the anonymity of the incomplete chapter.

With trembling hands I opened the last page, there was a couple of photo of them taken from a studio & they were in a wedding dress, after this I collapsed on the ground because no good reason was coming to my mind why they got separated or was separated.

After I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital surrounded by police officers as expected, the principal of the university, HOD sir, and my roommate, Elena. Shockingly, the first sentence that came out was to call Miss Ian I don't what exactly was going on in my mind but the first thought in my mind was to tell Miss Ian the truth. I knew everyone is thinking of me as a crazy person but when the thought of her suffering for 15 years came to my mind it was worth it. To my surprise, HOD sir called Miss Ian and requested her to come to the hospital. Everyone was questioning me about the crime I did, why I did it, what was my motive, and many other things but I was zoned out. Only one thought was why they got separated, what exactly happened in the 1960s.

An hour or later Miss Ian's voice rang in my ears," Neville, are you okay, what happened, Neville can you hear me, Neville? " She was calling out for me in a very frightened yet concerned and caring manner that made my heart wrenched for her this was my last straw, I broke down & started sobbing which made her more frightened, she hugged me trying to calm me down. I just want to tell her the truth at that moment it seemed the right thing to do BUT was it?

In between sobbing I tried to impart," Miss Ian you're not wrong instead of that you are absolutely right, all....all of it is true." She looked confused and asked me what was true. I slightly screamed and sobbingly said," Miss Ian YOUR DREAMS ARE NOT DREAMS THEY ARE YOUR FRAGMENTS OF PREVIOUS LIFE, MISS IAN YOU ARE NOT DELUSIONAL, HE IS TRUE, HE IS NOT A IMAGINATION, MISS IAN I'M SO SORRY I NEVER BELIEVED YOU, I'M SORRY MISS IAN, I'M SORRY." 

She sat on the seat with a thump and tears starts falling from her eyes but her face showed no emotions. Everyone around me who knew what I was talking about had their mouth open in shock and those who don't were confused.

Suddenly a posh lady in her sixties stormed in with her secretary in the hospital room, moved towards me, and asked in an infuriating manner," Are you, Nevile Darren? " I nodded and she became angrier and lashed out at me," You straniero, are you out of your mind, how dare you breach our family heritage. Do you think our family prestige is not of any worth? You insolent brat." Suddenly another voice boomed in the room, it was of Miss Ian," Mrs. Whitlock, it's not much of a lady-like character to scream like a mad woman in a hospital room, I know that this is directly related to your family prestige but please be aware of the surroundings, Mrs. Whitlock." The most confounding fact was the face of Mrs. Whitlock it was like as if she has seen a ghost.

After that, Mrs. Whitlock lady filed some really nefarious charges against me which were way far away from the actual crime, it seemed like she is making my way to prison clearer, and Miss Ian was fighting her best for me because she was a lawyer & that I came to know now. I felt like I had worsened the situation for every one of us like I had touched some nerve that had shaken everyone involved. Now the thought was worth it, was I right in unraveling the truth, was my approach right occupying my mind? Miss Ian was fighting with all her might to save me from going to prison but she was unable to save me from being deported & canceling my passport for 5 years.

On the day of being deported, I had this weird feeling in my heart that was making me nauseous, it felt like something is going to happen because of what I did. I was feeling so GUILTY but Miss Ian told me not to worry she soon will be coming to meet me in Michigan but I didn't this was the last time I am seeing her.

After a year, two letters came to me one was sent by Elena, my roommate and the other was by Miss Ian. I first opened Elena's letter because it seemed to be shorter than Miss Ian's, after opening it I was benumbed, shocked, anguished, tears started running from my eyes because the letter notified me of the demise of Miss Nevile Ian. 

PRESENT TIME

I blamed myself for everything, I held myself responsible for Miss Ian's demise, I never had the strength to open the letter in the fear of getting blamed for ruining everything, in the fear that she will regret meeting me and telling me her story BUT at the back of my mind I knew that all of this is nonsensical.

Even though I got my European visa back 2 years ago but strength to come here took me longer. I sat beside her grave and finally after seven years I opened the letter, 

"DEAR NEVILLE with an extra L,

I know when you will reading this letter I will be long gone. Neville for my whole life I felt that there was something missing in me, a part that is left somewhere. When I got into the accident, even though I was injured and started having these dreams, no, fragments of memories, strangely I felt that part completed. Trust me, dear, I tried to fall in love but I can't it felt like I am cutting that part off. But Neville I was still married to this beautiful man with a more beautiful heart, still, I was unable to love him and you know he understood and encouraged me to study law. After that, we got separated but still remained in contact, let me tell you a secret dear, promise me you won't tell anyone the judge of your case was him," I smiled a little and wiped my tears.

" Neville you know I always wanted a kid but after the accident, I lost the capabilities for it when I first saw you I thought that my wish for a child is also fulfilled that's why I wanted you as my therapist. The trust you showed for an anonymous person touched my heart.

Neville I never ever held you accountable for anything so don't you dare to go on blaming yourself for anything. I know this is getting long but let me quickly tell you a SHORT STORY dear maybe this answer all your questions,

There was a girl who studied in the library for her college exams & there was a boy who was the son of the library's owner and had an immense love for the camera. They are of the same age, same thoughts, same feelings that's why love blossomed between them. They were happy together, spend lots of time together, gave their first kiss to one another, and shared some beautiful memories together. BUT Neville in those times the girls who read, write & studied were considered witches, they were considered to bring doom to the place she lives in. 

Neville, there was this another girl from the same village who also liked the boy but the boy only considered her as a friend, Dear we all know that the young mind is full of immature thoughts, and as a result out of jealousy, she spread rumors about the other girl being a witch so that people will banish her from the village but she didn't know that they will beat her to death but that girl, she was also stubborn she used her all might to get up and run towards the place where the boy promised her that HE'LL BE WAITING FOR HER. But her lover wasn't there so she decided to wait there always by jumping down the cliff so that he won't have to go far away to find her.

That girl felt bad for the other girl because she didn't expect that but she was happier because her marriage was fixed for the boy she loved. 

Marriage happened but the boy fell seriously ill, some unknown disease trapped him but his wife knows what made him ill. He didn't make it to the next year but had one request to his wife if at any stage of life she wanted to do atonement then keep his love's last memories safe and bury him next to her. But the girl's body was never found & remained separated for more than 6 decades. 

My Dear Neville, they're about to be united after this long separation, they're about to have closure, they're about to complete their last chapter & all this happened because of you Neville. 

Both of them want to thank you from all the left parts of their soul, THANK YOU Neville for making us together again, and for helping us to have a happy ending.

My Dear Neville, if there is another life for me I want to marry him and have you as my daughter. 

Goodbye Neville.

LOVE, 

NEVILE IAN & IAN WHITLOCK "

I looked beside Miss Nevile's grave, there was the grave of Mr. Ian. This time my eyes are filled with happy tears because this time we both got the closure that we wanted.