He Loves me, he loves me not

“Mujhse shaadi karegi?”

An electric shock went through Sweety’s body.

“What are you saying Rohit?” She stared into his eyes in utter disbelief.

There was a mischievous smile in his eyes. 

“Jaldi bata, mujhse shaadi karegi?” Rohit was smiling now with his 32 all out. 

Sweety burst into laughter. She had no words. She did not know whether to believe someone can crack such a big joke or whether he was really ready to give their relationship a different meaning! Both started laughing together hysterically! But Rohit did not give up! He held Sweety in his arms and asked, “Bata mujhse shaadi karegi? Saara saamaan laya hoon main”.

Now this was totally uncalled for! She could not make head or tail of what was happening. Rohit walked up to the bed and took out a big plastic cover from his duffle bag. He brought it near her and said, “Ye dekh, hamare shaadi ka varmala, bata shaadi karegi mujhse?” He took out two garlands of red roses and handed over one to Sweety. Sweety was still hysterically laughing. After gathering her composure a little she said, “Yes, I will marry you”. She took the garland in her hand. 

It was time to exchange the garlands but somehow, she was feeling very different, very strange. She had felt the same on the day she was getting married to Soham. Inside the “kunj” when everyone’s eyes were on them, she felt the same. Have no words in dictionary to explain this feeling. It was a mixture of joy, fear, ecstasy, anticipation, everything together. As if heart had stopped beating for the moment. 

Here she was holding the garland a second time, in a resort far away from city, with her boyfriend of 2 months whom she had known as a colleague for 3 years. Can all this be really happening? It was only June 20th when she told Rohit about her feelings and Rohit had said, “I respect your feelings but I have no special feeling towards you. However, you can talk your heart to me until you get over all of it. I am a rock.” It was only a month later, that he called her to a cafeteria and said, “My opinion about you has changed. I cannot measure my love and tell you how deep it is, but time will tell..” And on September 10th they are here, in their 2nd outing in a resort, with varmala in hand. She doesn’t remember when her identity changed to “Sweety”, “Rohit’s Sweety”. 

“Kya hua Sweety, kaha kho gayi hai. Shaadi nehi karni kya?”

“No, no, I will.” She came back to present. Yes it was all real. And she has to decide whether she wants to give 100% to Rohit. There was no looking back. She was ready. 

Slowly she lifted her hand up and put the varmala around his neck. Rohit returned the custom. And with that Sweety became Rohit’s wife, wedded by “Gandharva law”. Rohit hugged her tight and took her infront of the mirror, “Ye dekh, hamari shaadi wali photo”. They looked really good together Sweety thought. Touchwood. 

Few months later…

Rohit had just come back from his business tour of Paris. It was his first tour together with Sweety, their honeymoon trip. It was awesome. Their joint business proposal was a big success. Everyone was full of praise for Sweety. At times it felt little low, but then its ok. Back at home their house was ready to move in. Maya and the kids were all busy preparing for the celebrations. There was a puja planned together after his homecoming. His parents and in laws were also there. Maya looked so happy and cheerful. Her eyes were glowing with love and pride while she was showing everyone around the house. Rohit felt a strong pain in his heart. Why was he doing this to her? What will she feel when she comes to know the truth? He could not think. He decided to focus more on house and give his family what they deserved to get from him. 

2 years later…

Sweety was very upset. Rohit was always so busy in his work. Never had time to respond to her messages or mails. She was almost nonexistent. They had frequent fights. Initially Rohit used to respond trying to pacify her but then slowly he had stopped even trying to make up for the fights. As if he did not care whether Sweety was happy or sad. Sweety had started getting seizures once in a while. Rohit was worried for her seizures. He suggested her to change her lifestyle, eat healthy and do yoga. They joined the yoga classes in office together. Nothing helped. Her seizures became more frequent. It was the day of “hariyali teej”. Sweety had dressed up in an orange suit which was Rohit’s favourite. Rohit gave a love filled smile when he saw her pass by. On their way back home Rohit told Sweety, “Bahut pyari lag rahi hai”. Sweety just smiled. These were the moments when she forgot all the fights, the complaints she had in her mind. These were the moments which gave her strength to continue the relationship beyond all odds. They stopped at their favourite spot away from madness of the city. Rohit took Sweety to the back of the car. Sweety looked up at him and said,” I want our baby, please. don’t say no”. Rohit had always said no to this before, but somehow this time he could not. He kissed her lips and said, ”Yes baby”. Sweety had some belief in her mind. She had started doubting Rohit’s love. She had a doubt that Rohit only wanted physical pleasure. He had no emotional bonding with her. If any time she can conceive his child then it will prove that he has emotional bonding too. It was a strange belief. She was used to such “if” condition beliefs from childhood. “If this happens, then that will also happen”.. where this and that are totally unrelated. And so far they all proved to be correct. So it was a strong belief in her mind. She knew conceiving a child is not easy. Her first child was born after 2 years of trial and medicinal treatment. That too, first one was a miscarriage. It was with a lot of medicines and puja that her first child was born. 

Very eagerly she was waiting for the time to miss her periods. She bought a kit and checked on the D-day, and wow! She was pregnant! She was too happy. Immediately she sent the picture to Rohit. He was very scared and anxious. He did not know how to control the madness of this woman. How can she play with a life, in fact 3 lives! But somehow that day when she came infront of him, Rohit felt bit different. As if there was another life attached to them somewhere nearby. He felt responsible. She looked very pale and feeble. She had severe back pain. He asked her to take rest. For 2 days she did not go to office. On 3rd day, he mailed her to check how she was. She sounded totally devasted. 

“What you wished for has come true”.

“What are you saying?”, Rohit was taken aback. 

“I had a miscarriage”. She could not control her tears. 

Rohit did not know what to say. Yes he did not want all this but why is he feeling a pain right now, the pain of a death… of their baby.

For next couple of days he was totally trying to cheer up Sweety. She was torn apart. It was as if her fear had come true. Her fear that Rohit does not love her. Its only lust…

She wrote to him..

Ek khubsoorat khwab sa tha woh..haan.. khwab hi tha.. hamare pyaar ka ehsaas tha woh.. hamesha tere saath hone ka vishwas tha woh jo pyaar hum duniya se chhupate hai, ussi pyaar ke hone ka wajood tha woh.. sapne sajaye the hazaro.. tere mere bandhan ko leke.. jo zindegi sach mein jee na sake.. ussiko jeene ki koshish tha woh.. ek haseen khwaab sa.. kuchh pal hamare saath tha woh..

rahengi yaadon mein.. yehi pal.. jo bitaye saath humne uski ehsaas ko leke.. tera kehna,.. “lagta hai, yaha hum do nehi teen hai..” tera hume yaad karna jab dur the hum..

Yaad aati hai sab kuchh.. woh pyar, woh bechaini, woh ghabrahat.. ajeeb sa lagta hai.. jisko sach mana tha woh kahi nehi hai..

par shayad yehi sahi hai..dil ko samjhaya, yehi sahi hai.. hamara pyaar khwaab me hi khoobsoorat hai.. 🙂

Rohit wrote back…

khwaaboo main bhi ek zindagi hai… asli se juda hai…asli se haseen hai… zamane se pare hai… waha hum saab saath hai… waha zindagi bahot sukoon hai… challoo sapnoo main milte hai…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

There was a loud noise of thunder.. It shook the entire house. Rosy came running, “Mumma, thunder”. Sweety woke up from her thoughts with a startle. She hugged her and patted her back. “Don’t worry baby, Mumma is here to protect you.” She tugged her head inside her chest. When Rosy was born, Rohit had said “Take care of our girl.” He used to care for her so much. Before Rosy was born Sweety had told Rohit, “Baby will be your avatar. When I will be away from you baby will be your avatar and be by my side.” Now every time Rosy comes and hugs her she remembers him. Never thought this bond will be this strong, this long… but this love story cannot be complete in real life.. As Rohit said, “It has to live in dreams only. In dreams only it is beautiful, and in real life it will remain, humari adhoori kahani ”.