The ' me ' within ' me ' .

' was it worth it? ' 

The question that ringing in my mind today is - ' Everything you did, everything you lost, every second that you caged yourself inside your heart - wishes that you killed in the name of duty, tears that you shed for a smile --- was it worth it? Battle that you fought with yourself , tears that you gifted yourself ....was it worth it ? ' My mind is asking the same question again and again now.  

Was I really needed or I was  just like an old piece of furniture in that house? When I look at the mirror the reflection that I get is of a girl who has not slept for nights , a lost soul who is bearly alive , someone who broke into pieces for million times , someone who lost all hopes from life. A defeated soilder , someone who is trying to hide her existence forever from this world. The reason for which this happened ...was it worth it ? 

" Mam " voice of my lawyer brought me back to reality , I looked at him with my empty eyes he said " You have to sign the papers mam. " I looked at the already signed paper , Just a sign and everything I did for the past five years , every sacrifice that I made for past five years will be worthless. Yes , I am in the court with my husband waiting for my divorce procedure to end. I took the pen with my shaky hand and looked at my husband for the last time. 

" What's taking so much time just do it already. I am getting late for my work , can't stay here forever. " said my husband ( Arjun sharma ) with a rude voice. " Are you very sure ? " I ensured with my weak voice for the last time. " Look we talked about it. I really love Sammy ( new girlfriend) and want to marry her and for that we have to take divorce. Now don't waste my time and do it. " said Arjun with an angry voice. 

" If you have little pride left inside you than leave me . " said Arjun again. I finally with my shaky hand signed the divorce papers and made him free from me. He didn't wait long after the divorce and left. I stood in the road gazing at his disappearing car getting smaller and smaller. I never knew relationship could break that easily , but if that's the case than why can't I forget him , why can't I make myself realize that he is no more in my life. My vision is getting blurry and my head started to fell heavy. Before I hit the ground someone grabbed me but everything got dark and I lost consciousness. 

When I gained consciousness I saw a fan moving above my head , I am lying on a soft bed , the room is very big with a bed , table on the left two huge windows , coverts, and a swing. I tried to sit up on my own but that time two hands helped me get up and sit. I saw a lady with black hairs , her eyes are brown , her face is gentle , she maybe in her mid forties but her eyes has a motherly glow in them.

" Hi ! My name is Rahida Sen , I am a lawyer. I saw you unconscious outside the court so I brought you my home. Who are you and why you fainted like that ? " she asked several questions together but I am still trying to process my mind and think exactly what happened. She gave me my mobile and told " I called the first number on your phone , someone named Arjun... But he said he has nothing to do with you , topics that  concern you are not his business. " her words made my wound deep. 

" Why would he ?? We just got divorced from each other. By the way my name is Purvi Ray , my husband divorced manymore.  and I think that schok made me faint. " I told her. She nodded in understatement. " If you don't mind would you like to share you story with me ? Maybe you will feel better ? " she asked . I guess their is nothing to hide anymore. 

" You see , I grew up in ' Migarita orphanage ' and growing up I never knew I had a family . I completed my studies and took job in a hotel as a cashier. Their one night my family lawyer recognized me and than told me that I had a family but since I was a girl my grandparents decided to do the noble work and donated me to the orphanage but later he regretted about his decision and left me huge sum of money and five bungalows . From no one I was a girl with huge sum of money and a surname ' Ray '. That time I met Arjun , he was my boss. We slowly slowly fell in love and got married. After that I stopped working. "I took a break. 

" Arjun's business was going down so I started to help him financially and for that I gave home every penny , my three bungalow. His business was back to normal but he changed. The person who use to admire me started finding faults in me . All of a sudden I was fat , I was not careful , I was not attractive , I was not girl of his standard. He than started avoiding me and than he declared he didn't want to be in this relationship anymore. He told he loves his new secretary Sammy and he wants divorce from me. And today we got divorced. " I told her while trying to hide my tears but I couldn't stop them and cried bitterly in front of her. 

" You don't have to cry for a worthless person like that , its high time learn to treasure yourself. I want my to show him that you can live without him and live better than him. I stay alone here , even I don't have a family of my own. You can stay here as my daughter and fulfill what I told you just now. " she told while drying my tears. 

I agreed and started staying with her. I got a job in a company where they make gifts and I was appointed as a writer, whose work is to write messages on the gift pack. I discovered that I write very good and I love to do that work. That's something I do with my open heart. I started to write for publication , my readers increads and slowly slowly people started to recognise  me as a writer. And in a short period of time I published some books. 

 Soon I noticed I gained my confidence back , my texture changed and my eyes looks lively again. I started enjoying again. My story on love got published and soon I was popular among many people. Really that woman has changed my life. 

4 year later..

" Purvi ....is that you ? " as I heard the fimilar voice I turned and saw my husband standing on the road. His face is not shaved , eyes looked like they have not closed for months , in short he looks miserable. 

" You look beautiful. " he said . I told " Thank you , but what happened with you ? You barely look alive . " he was silent than told " Sammy , her lifestyle was very expensive and I lost everything for her. She used me than threw me away. She filed for divorce and took everything from me. I am lost without you....can't we get back together ? " he asked. 

" Arjun ,being away was the most difficult moment of my life but a little hand saved me from death . After losing you ,I meet myself , I knew what was I capable of , its really amazing to see what little courage can do to you , staying away from you taught me how to swim and save myself from problems. And now even for the world I am not ready to give up what I have , so my  answer is no. " I told him wore my glasses and told " If you have pride than let me go. " after saying that I walked away from him. Today I feel so light and good. By losing him , I found myself. Now nothing can discourage me from living the life I want to live.