An Alternative

I sold a part of my soul and died a thousand deaths everyday.

The hospital corridor was full of pregnant women. The stark smell of bleach was overwhelming. I was feeling uncomfortable and heavy. Dr Sunita Verma entered her cabin. I followed her for a regular check up.

"Baby looks absolutely fine." She said with a smile, pointing towards the sonography screen. "Can you see those beautiful little hands floating like a lotus?" I nodded and smiled back too, holding back my fear.

He or she inside me would kick hard, but it never hurt. As the weeks passed by, I could feel the baby joggling inside. I would feel exhausted all the time even after eight hours of sleep. It was becoming difficult to bear the discomfort with my belly stretching every inch.

With every passing day I would regret my decision. I would get impatient. And finally the water broke. The excruciating pain went on for more than 12 hours. I pushed hard for hours and everything around me started fading away. Few hours later when I regained my consciousness, I looked around the room, "Is it a boy or a girl?" I asked. But then doctor didn't disclose anything. "You can collect your remaining cheque from the accounts department. You can go back home in a day, till then just relax."

'No pain no gain.' I had heard it several times. And sometimes the person who goes through this pain has to live it forever. Without complaining, without revealing. Today I have enough money to get my husband's surgery done. Later I got to know that due to some complications, I will never be able to bear a child again.

Surrogacy is not easy. A part of you is lost forever. I wish I could find some other way out to deal with my challenges. Someday I shall plan to adopt a child for myself but will never let other woman go through this trauma again.