Silently Waiting

I grew complacent in your mid-autumn grasp, scrawling 

Meaningless words on forgotten paper, trying to breathe life 

Into the dark without wasting a single gulp of air. 

The silence is excruciating, don’t you dare cry here in the pits of ever-watching guardians 

Nobody can see the scars you try to scream, entire forests are felled 

While wine and revelry happen mere thoughts away. 

Starving for comfort, carrying vague but constant fears, cycles of it’ll be okay just work harder 

Then we try and we try but only dust graces our battered hands. 

I can’t bring myself to plow through these maize fields, yet 

Expecting dawn to shed light on these seedlings of fear 

These scattered leaves are promises to myself thrown into the wind - 

how long have I been waiting to change? scribbling hopes and dreams 

Has never made anything come true - I know this torn secret  

But my breath catches and I am unable to move. 

Autumn has become winter and the blizzard has hidden the wolves 

With snow pelts coated with hope. let’s pick the last flower 

And tear it into shreds, resting on a white grave. I will visit when the time is right