Null And Void

Have you ever felt digested into your self-worth;

Is the colour black? Exactly nothing, a shade of worse.

No, I don't mean race, religion, ethnicity, people.

I mean, when you're standing without a middle.

Have you heard absolute silence?

No oxymoron; I mean quiet, no balance.

Taste, touch, sight, hear, smell,   

Five senses cocooned as an empty shell.

   

A dead Caterpillar without meaning. 

You are dead, trapped by your heart beating. 

Rather than get angry or envious at that which will say. 

"We all go through depression; believe me, you'll find happiness someday.

"So." I smile to hide my dismay. 

     

It takes and takes and takes from you:

Your happiness, your personality. 

Then it transmutes into insanity.

You question the reason you're battling this construct.

Meanwhile, everyone tries to cheer you up.

Believe me; your words have credit.

Except, I don't have merit.

Inexpressible is depression, unlike a guide or a pamphlet.   

I know we all have our battles, stories, and fits.  Imagine suffering as the problem only death will fix.   I fought with depression the other night.     

I lost that fight.  

I lost my dignity to a lesion.      

I lost my mother's reason.   

I lost my father's words.  

My siblings lost their third.   

It slit my wrist open, took control of me, and spoke.  Narrating to whom heard, "I'm sorry I broke."  Tears fell like they always did on my surface,

Dying on the Earth with an insignificant purpose.  Firefighters, police, and ambulances were silenced.  Approaching the burden, chemically unbalanced.