The Chaotic Calm

There's a calm and chaos within me,

 the feeling is surreal,

sometimes I am focused like I know what exactly I want,

sometimes I am impatient and like a baby who wants to be held close and shown the way home.

There's music in me, 

tapping and musing along the rhythms of life, 

like the shuffle of my playlist, 

where I don't know what will be playing next. 

There are times I am confused and at a loss of words, 

looking at people how hurtful some of them are and other times the therapist in me wakes up slowly, 

who understands their stands and positions in life, 

looking at them curiously to ask the smiling faces to share their dark parts of anger and struggle that made them stand firm and be hard on themselves.

I want to control it all and be my Boss, but then thoughts flow in me like a river that overcomes any hurdles,

breaking and crossing any dam that comes its way.

Making me wonder if it's okay to be flowing like a river or stop at an Island where I can find my permanent stay. 

But what haunts me is I'll be caged in like a bird, 

who can't get wet and feel the sky when it rains. 

There's so much going within me,

 like a volcano waiting to erupt, 

looking for a safe place to burst so nobody gets hurt. 

That makes me wonder if there's chaos within me or if I am the chaos for myself!