Who's Onus lies on shoulder

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" What do you mean by this that who's onus lies on my shoulder? "

Dr. Gauri was asking me as she got confused with my question while our discussion was going on.To achieve the motive of our planned visit with her I asked that question as a millennial marriage coach to her in the begging of discussion only. Further, I asked her,

"Gauri, do you really love Manish and want to continue this marriage or do you have some different plans for your life? "

This made Gauri more puzzled. In a confused state of mind, she replied,

" Madam, why will I have my own different plans or why will I think of leaving my beloved husband, Manish? We haven't even spent much time together after our marriage. I could live there only for fifteen days and then I left him to take care of my father who is suffering from paralysis. Manish knows this all and his parents too!"

I got a thread to turn the discussion in a more effective direction so that without hurting Dr. Gauri she will herself understand what went wrong in her marriage. She was so much engrossed in fulfilling duties that she was unable to find the loophole which made her plans for married life suspicious. I clearly discussed with her why Manish asked me to meet her once,

"Gauri, I hope you are unaware of what Manish is going through these days! What I guess after meeting you is that you are a very emotional and caring person. Your nature will not allow you to hurt anyone on purpose and that's the reason we are meeting here today to resolve the issues between you and Manish if there are any!" I then asked Manish to express his feelings in his words to Gauri and me once again which he told me in previous sessions taken by him to clear his confusion whether his decision of marrying Dr. Gauri was correct or not?I asked the same thing Manish and he tried to express,

"I and Gauri met in a common group of our mutual friends. After liking each other, we decided to get married and so proceeded for our parent's permission for the same. We are lucky to have understanding parents so they accepted our relation and we got married happily. Everything was going smoothly till that. Me as a CA by profession and Gauri as a doctor were having tight job schedules where spending time with each other was difficult. To give us our time to mingle in the initial days of our marriage my parents showed understanding and went to live with my elder brother in another city..."

After that Manish kept quiet for a while so Gauri continued further by telling that,

" Yes, they told us that. They are very supportive. They were planning to live there for a few more months. Manish and I was planning to see Bhaiya's new born baby girl and return together with Manish's parents. But unfortunately I was stuck up with my hospital duties so badly that to take care of my father I went to maternal house on 16th day of my marriage."

While Gauri was telling this to us...her eyes shown some realisation. Very politely she accepted that she was not able to give time to Manish and his family members. She then discussed it with Manish in front of us only...

" I am really sorry Manish for taking things granted and neglecting you all who are very supportive and understanding people. But tell me frankly, what should I do? This is my responsibility. I can't leave my father in this state and turn my back to my professional life too. As a doctor, I have this responsibility and when I said this you are asking who's onus I am carrying on my shoulder? Our parents are our responsibility...don't you agree with me?"

To conclude it on a positive note, on behalf of Manish I explained to Dr Gauri that,

" Indeed our parents are our responsibility and to take care of our professional responsibilities we need to be prompt...and especially in the medical profession. But it is equally important to take care of personal responsibilities in newly married life and prioritise few things in a different manner. These initial days after marriage will never come again with the same feelings for each other. "

Gauri asked for a suggestion to solve her issue of prioritising things. Manish gave her solution by backing his words why he said that Gauri is carrying other's onus on her shoulder.

" Gauri, with due respect to your feelings for your father and your professional life, what I mean to say is you have some responsibility towards our relation also. You left me in so early days of our marriage and even after six months you were not ready to come back as you feel guilty to leave your paralysed father alone. But you are forgetting that your younger sister and your mother are also capable to take care of him. But they never took the responsibility as you were carrying their onus on your shoulder for years in every responsibility towards your father and even all family members. We can even keep full time Nurse to take extra care of papa which will be supporting to him and to you also. We can give him proper medical care as well as enjoy at least some time together...that's it..."

With tears in her eyes Gauri asked Manish to forgive her for neglecting him and accepted to go with him same day. They made arrangements for her father immediately and Gauri moved with Manish to start her newly wedding life in a fresh way.

Many times we unknowingly keep ourselves over burdened by taking too much responsibilities which are no doubt important but can be taken care of by others for a while. When Understanding is strong between the partners Marriages can be saved at any point of time.

* All the points mentioned in stories are based on real-life experiences leaving me less scope to change much in the storyline except character and city names, professions, to hide the identity.

* I request you to read these stories as a case study and not as personal opinions. If you read them in a broader context, I am sure it will help you out some where in life to gain some knowledge about handling relationships.

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