When it is too loud in my head

Sometimes it’s just way too loud in my head. I over think and turn my brain to mush. I begin to operate in auto pilot. Not really seeing with my eyes but still looking. When someone talks I manage to keep eye contact and come up with as few words to be considered a decent reply. My thoughts are too crowded to share their words. Before I know it they are staring at me as if I am supposed to say something. I realize I stopped listening and they asked me a question. That’s when I have been caught and have to own up to my absent mindedness. Interacting with people can be somewhat of a task at a times. Not knowing what to say or what to do with my hands.

Doubting my posture and wondering if my breath smells good enough to speak. Resulting in terrible humor to use as an ice breaker. My favorite part is when it gets awkward. When you have talked about the weather, what’s in front of you, your family, what you had for dinner, your relationship status, and even your shoes. When there is nothing left so say but silence that could carry out forever. That’s the moment where I feel most myself. When it is quiet. Whenever I can find myself quiet I usually have a routine. I bless my room from all negativity energy.

Asking anything that is not of God or good intent to leave me be. I find a spot where I feel comfortable then I begin. I picture the color red going in through my nose slowly filling my head and down my throat to my body. Once my body is full of the color when I exhale it begins to leave me. I do this with blue, green, orange, yellow, and purple. After I have done all the colors I become as calm as I always want to be. I practice what I know accepting I do not know it all, and that I never will.