Villain-Con

The villains all over the world were super excited. Their contributions to creating havoc and general mayhem were recognized, and they were invited to participate in the first-ever villain’s convention, The Villain-Con. They were told that people would come to see their valour and listen to their various ideas to annihilate the protagonist or the world, or both.

On the day of the Convention, the villains were made to sit in designated areas. Though the day started pretty well, as it progressed, the villains got exceedingly angry with the organisers and the attendees. This is the reason why :

The Ladies :

The first section was for the Ladies, also known as the Vamps. The three ladies who made it to the convention were, Hela - the Asgardian Goddess of Death, Maleficent - The Mistress of Evil and Cruella de Vil - Killer of Innocent Puppies. Though all the three ladies loved to talk about their exploits, it was Cruella de Vil who took centre stage. She spoke on and on about her quest for Dalmations and how silky their fur was and how she had tried to separate the puppies from their parents. Hela and Maleficient who had moved entire worlds to destroy their enemies were royally bored. They yawned wildly and glared at the people who came to see them.

The James Bond Villains :

The antagonists of James Bond sat around a table, sipping on expensive wine and discussing various ways of world dominion. Le Chiffre was boasting about his expertise at the Casino, Sir Hugo Drax recalled how he wanted to destroy London with a nuclear missile and Jack Spang spoke fondly about smuggling a large cache of diamonds from Africa to America. Everything seemed to be going well until a well-meaning fan casually asked them that with millions at their disposal and access to new-age weapons, why over the years they had never been successful in getting rid of James Bond. This angered the villains so much that they threatened to walk out of the convention till the arrangers quickly supplied more Champagne and Cigars to calm them down.

The Funny Villains :

These villains seemed to have a permanent smile on their faces, though they found nothing remotely funny about their situation. The Joker, under extreme duress, had cut his face with a knife and now had a wide blood-red smile. His companion in the funny villain's category was Mogambo from India, who always had a broad smile on his face as he said, “Mogambo Khush Hua “. The fans made him repeat this dialogue continuously till it drove The Joker crazy, but all he could do was smile!

The Armed Villains :

This was the category where the villains were equipped with guns. Gabbar Singh wore his gun-belt as the heels on his boots rang when he paced up and down the room, slapping his pistol to his thigh. He was insanely jealous of the other villain in the room, The Terminator who looked mean and dangerous and had a minigun, a shotgun, a UZI and other weapons at his disposal. He was curious to know how many people The Terminator was planning to kill and asked him, “Kitne aadmi the re Samba ?” The Terminator gave him a blank look and continued searching the crowd for Sarah Connor.

But the draw of the day was the large glass-fronted cage at the end of the room. It was opulently decorated like a royal palace and on a throne in the centre sat the very scary Allauddin Khilji, the villain troubling Rani Padmavati. His room had been open as the others, but he had a tendency to pounce on any pretty girl who came in front of him and so had to be restrained behind a glass wall. With his black garb and dark kohl-rimmed eyes, he glared at all the visitors and mothers closed their children’s eyes to prevent them from getting nightmares that night.

The only two who were roaming around freely were Mystique from X-men and Loki, the God of Mischief. Loki had fallen in love with Mystique’s blue looks and followed her wherever she went. To escape him, Mystique continuously shape-shifted from one villain to the other, but Loki managed to find her. Deciding to lose herself in the crowd of attendees, she turned herself into a nondescript girl with average looks and blonde hair. Unfortunately, Terminator spied her from across the hall and mistook her to be Sarah Connor and charged across the hall, all guns blazing. And the mayhem started. The Bond villains called in their sidekicks and guards for reinforcements, Mogambo and Gabbar laughed loudly and started shooting with their tiny pistols, Allauddin Khilji started shouting orders from the top of his voice and Maleficient and Hela took the opportunity to fly away to their own kingdoms.

A few hours later, the crowd had all gone away, the villains had left in their vehicles and a couple of them on horses, and the organizers were sitting with their head in their hands bemoaning the losses they had incurred. The Joker was the last to leave. He strutted over to where they were sitting and with a smile, asked “Why so serious ?”.