Raju Ganapathy

Comedy

4.7  

Raju Ganapathy

Comedy

Vande Bharat vs Buffalos

Vande Bharat vs Buffalos

6 mins
343



It was the first hearing of the case Buffaloe owners’ vs Vande Bharat. A couple of days ago Vande Bharat, a prestigious train inaugurated by no less than PM himself to run between Mumbai and Ahmedabad hit a few buffaloes when they were crossing the track. The owners filed a case for compensation. Their lawyer one Mr Ambedkar represented them. He himself was a Dalit lawyer and the owners were also Dalit, the most oppressed community in India. He was shrewd enough to give it a Dalit angle which paid dividends in the court of law, after all courts are required to follow the dictates of constitution. It is worthwhile to add constitution had become weak especially after COVID virus had struck twice. PM could not live up to his promise like many others he had made. He had assured in his televised address like the Mahabharata war COVID would be vanquished in 18 days. It didn’t happen that way. How many days it actually took, people lost count. They got busy counting the death of people afflicted by COVID. 

The solicitor general who argued for the Vande Bharat and the people behind the train stated that the train was on track and didn’t stray from its moral path. It was the buffaloes who were led to astray by its owners. The question of whether the train hit the buffaloes or the other way had to be examined carefully here. Buffaloes have the option of not going on track but the train, can it go on roads or on the adjoining fields? No, your honour. So, it was the fault of the owners, he added. Police should file a FIR against the owners. Further it must be remembered that the train was inaugurated by no less than the PM itself. Train was meant to be on a fast track for his friends in the business community. They cannot afford to wait or get struck in traffic jams. They have the bread and don’t relish the traffic jams. Time is money for them. Some of them make not less than Rs 600 million dough in an hour. These farmers, like the mythical Sysiphus forever trying to push the boulder up the hills and only see it rolling down to the level surface. Now my opponent lawyer was trying to give it a casteist twist. It must be the tukde gang or libtards who must be encouraging him. My lord, the entire world was watching India. India was already the G-20 President. Like it happened in the case of the Tejas, Vande Bharat might also be exported to other countries to prove that Make in India was not merely a slogan. We must not succumb to anti-development wallahs as PM had stated. The judge found his head swimming in the arguments and counter-arguments made and chose the easy way of deferring the case for another hearing. 

In the mean while a snoopy reporter found out that the driver of the train was one from a Muslim community and reported his findings in the news media. Hell broke loose. One loose tongued ruling party MP put his foot in the mouth when he stated that Muslims must not be appointed as driver in such prestigious trains such as Vande Bharat. They refuse to chant Vande Mataram and why should we appoint them as drivers? It was ok if we give them menial jobs as waiters in the train. 

The vocal MP from the distant south city was the first one to respond. He sought the arrest of the MP stating that his pronouncement amounted to disturbing the communal harmony and dared the government to arrest him under UAPA. 

In the meant time war erupted in the social media. Some asked what happened to the buffaloes that died? Have they been processed as meat? Someone asked what if it was cows? Would the case have been dealt differently? 

One Mr Khajoori Wallah, a graduate of a very prestigious institute of the country smelt an opportunity. With the elections round the corner, he played the Dalit card. He announced that his party would offer compensation to the buffalo owners immaterial of the case result. He also said that if party comes to power, he would make available fodder to the cattle in the villages adjoining the railway track. But some animal activist objected to the idea of stall feeding the cattle. The cattle had every right to loiter around in the villages. Don’t we see the phenomenon in the cities when stray cows roaming even in the capital city of Delhi. What is good for the cows must be good for the buffaloes as well. If animals don’t exercise their milk would have more fat and hormones that would be harmful for the humans as well. 

Another politician joined the fray and suggested that dairying be substituted by poultry so that tracking problems can be avoided. That led to vegetarianism vs non-vegetarianism 8battle on the side. A minority community who practices ahimsa were dead against animal killings and their leader a muni announced fast unto death against the very idea of poultry vs dairying issue. PETA yet again joined the fray and called for milk production from plants. The managing director of the state dairy also issued a rejoinder that milk exports would be dramatically affected leading to shortage in Gulf countries. That innocuous statement led to international repercussions. A representative of UAE screamed conspiracy and the Indian ambassador quickly intervened and assuaged the representative that milk exports would continue as business as usual. 

In the silicon valley some young techies were having their cuppa adjoining a garage. One of them got a spark as he was told about this accident. Why not a radio collar device controlled by an App to monitor and manage the movement of buffalos? He asked. His friends got excited and brain stormed over more cuppa and a concept note got released by them.

One Mahendra of the Scorpio zodiac sign fame who was eternally in a state of Anand with his riches decided to invest to develop the concept further. Soon other serial venture capitalists followed suit as it was their herd mentality.

Further south a yatra was taking place and its leader got news of the case. He too issued a statement. He stated that the government which make trains for the honchos who make not less than Rs 600 million dough an hour but was fighting a case for compensation of death of few buffalos. Welcome to the new India.

When the time came for the second hearing the judge went on a long medical leave anticipating heart related problems. Another judge who was posted in his place resigned his job rather than facing such a case. 

It was left to a wag to make the ultimate comment when he remarked Vande Bharat has an appetite for beefy things indeed!

 



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