Unrequited Love

Chapter 1

“The Day I Became An Adult”

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” she said, clipping her blue and black plaid bra together. “This won’t start a relationship or anything.” The soft amber glow from the dim, ornately decorated lamp bathed the room in a youthful tension. 

“I feel dizzy,” I thought to myself, burying my hands in my hair. “Even though this doesn’t feel real, it’s definitely happening.” I throw the used tissues into the trash can beside her bed and let out a shallow breath.

“We aren’t going to exchange phone numbers or addresses,” she says, slowly moving towards the bedroom door. “I suppose this is the end of it.”

I stare at her in utter disbelief at what just happened. My heart still lies heavy at the bottom of my chest. I shake my head and force myself to trudge towards the door. Pausing in the doorway, I catch one last glimpse of her in the corner of my eye. Such a strange girl she is. Silky blue hair and piercing, dark red eyes. I shiver as she returns my gaze. I walk out the door and hear it gently close behind me. I lost my virginity just now. 

******

 I find myself, almost instinctively, going to my best friend’s apartment across the complex to tell him the night I just had. I wait idly, mind still racing, for him to open the door. 

  

“Hey,” he says, cracking open the door. His glasses are steamed up, like usual. It’s not like he ever bothers to clean them anyway. I act on impulse and dive towards him, enveloping him in a hug. 

“Fumiyaaaa,” I yell, grasping and grappling his slightly overweight build. 

“Woah, what’s wrong?! What do you want all of a sudden,” he asks with a swirl of both confusion and rage plastered on his face. 

 

I continue grabbing at his soft body. I find comfort in this somehow. My life just completely got flipped on its head, but in the end, Fumiya is still Fumiya. “Ah.. your body’s certainly soft, but it’s different from a girl's softness.”

 

“What are you saying?! Have you gone nuts?!” 

I break from Fumiya and find myself a seat on his floor. His room is organized. Nothing like when we were kid’s back in elementary school. I always used to help him clean his room or else his mom wouldn’t let us go outside and play. Ever since he got to high school though, he began to put his life together and try harder in school, I should probably take his example.

“Anyway, what is it you want at this hour,” he asks, taking a seat in his desk chair. I begin to answer, but am cut short when his mother waltzes into the room unannounced.

  

“Good evening Natsuo,” she exclaims, running to give me a hug. 

“Ah, Oba, good evening.” Ever since my mother died 10 years ago, I’ve found a second home at Fumiya’s. They took me in and basically raised me when my dad was recovering from grief. Oba used to make me my lunches everyday for school when I was in middle and elementary school. 

“How is school life treating you,” she asks as she hands me a glass of orange juice. 

I take a sip. “Well, I’m having a good time.”

She begins to smile uncontrollably, like a proud mother looking upon her successful son as he hits adulthood. It’s a bittersweet look, as I’m once again reminded that now I really am an adult. “Oh look, you both have lived in the same apartment complex and have been to the same school since kindergarten, so it’s sad that you’re going to a different high school. I don’t really know what my Fumiya’s thoughts are, but that’s what it feels like to me.”

   

Fumiya furrows his brow and gestures towards the door. “Mom, you're interfering. Go away! Go!” Fumiya’s mother drops her head down in both frustration and resignation as she begrudgingly moves towards the door and shuts it. He turns his chair back to me. “So? What happened?”

I avert my eyes from his gaze. Now that I actually have his attention I don’t really know how to say it properly. “W-well, it’s not like I’m worried or anything..,” I stammer, not really knowing what else to say. A full minute of silence goes by before I decide that maybe now isn’t the right time to tell him. “You know what, never mind it, Fumiya.”

 

“If you’ve got something to say then say it properly,” he says, raising his voice a bit.

I give in.

“Whaaaaat?! Did you do it with a girl today?!” Fumiya practically topples out of his seat. Before I can respond, he grabs me by the shirt and presses his face to mine. “‘Do it’ means sex right?! You have a crush, so why did you do it?” He’s screaming directly into my ear. I break away and look towards the floor.

“It just kind of happened..,” I mumble. 

   Fumiya pushes up his glasses and puts me into a standing headlock. “Fumiya.. I can’t b-breathe…”

 

 “Listen Natsuo, when someone talks about how they’ve done it, it annoys the hell out of me to hear ‘It just happened.’” He lets me drop to the floor. 

   “Ah..,” I struggle for air. “I was invited to a mixer during lunch break today…”

******

“Hey, it seems like Kiriya was fired from the last school he worked for because he laid his hands on a school girl.”

   

“No way? So he’s one of those ‘lewd’ teachers? How stupid, he should’ve done it right.” 

I zoned out as two of my friends gossip about the happenings of high school. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. It’s usually the same old news, just tied to different names. I’ve never found much gratification from talking about others behind their backs, especially when people don’t know the circumstances that led to their actions.

“Can’t you see? The girl ratted him out.” 

“What?! So did he force himself on her? Like rape?”

“No, I bet it was mutual. Maybe he acted cold afterwards or something.”

“Is that so? Natsuo, what do you think,” 

I heard my name in the distance and got grounded back in reality. I scrambled to remember what it is that those two were gossiping about today. Something about rape or consent? I decided to go with my default answer for situations like this. “Who freaking cares.” 

“Oh come on, just take a guess,” Kine said, playing with a strand of his combed back orange hair. “Apparently they were seen doing it at schoo-” Kine got cut off by a short, big-breasted female, with dazzling green eyes and long brown hair, slapping his butt. 

“Are you guys talking about rumours again~,” the teacher asked, with what could quite possibly be the most beautiful smile owned by anyone in the entire world. “Boys these days gossip more than married women!” 

Kine began to hug himself and shake, red as a beet. “Don't tell me...Hina wanted my ass.. no, my body?! You’re most welcome to it!”

“That’s Teacher to you,” she laughed, walking past me and my friends. “And too bad~ I’m not interested in bratty little boys.” My friends gasped at her lighthearted and playful insult. “Natsuo, you shouldn’t fall into the evil ways of delinquents like Kine~.”

Kine backed away in outrage. “Wait, why are you talking to Natsuo so differently? That’s, like, favoritism,” he exclaimed, clenching his fists. 

Teach looked over her shoulder and winked at me. “That’s because he has good grades~.” I couldn’t help but melt whenever Teach talked. Her voice is so cheerful and she always makes it her number one goal to bring everyone’s spirits up. Such a young and carefree teacher. I catch myself staring and avert my gaze, now a blushing mess. 

“Hina is great, huh,” Kine exclaimed as he laid his foot against the school’s mint green tile wall. “She’s smart, cute, and teaches well! I’d give anything to go out with her~.”

My other friend, a tall, handsome, blonde guy named Yuuya snickered under his breath. “Idiot~ As if she’d ever go out with you. I heard she has a boyfriend.”

“Still, I’d love to go out with her if she were single.”

“A boyfriend, huh..,” I thought to myself as I stared at the cold white floor. “Teach...How do you think of me..?”

“Well,” Yuuya begins, patting both me and Kine on our shoulders, “Let us students enjoy a student life among students. Are you guys free after school two days from now? There’s a girl I got close to at cram school, and she’s from Sakuragawa High. It’s a little far away, but we talked about having a mixer.” 

Kine grabs Yuuya by the shoulders and starts shaking him erratically, the glint of excitement in his sharp brown eyes never fading. “Are you serious? I’m going, I’m going,” he excitedly announces. “More importantly, don’t you have a girlfriend, Yuuya?”

Yuuya scoffed as a slight smile curled up at the corners of his lips. He turned to face me. “So what? Natsuo you’re going too right? I mean you’re single after all.”

I paused to think for a moment. All I could think of was Teach. Her dazzling eyes, her flowing hair, her whimsical smile. I was uneasy going to events like this, not only because I’m not the most socially apt person in the world, but because in a way, it felt like I was betraying both Teach and myself. “Come on, Natsuo, you know it’ll never happen. You can’t keep betting on an impossible outcome.” I’m glad I listened to myself.

“Cheers,” we all screamed in unison as we clinked together our glasses filled with various fizzy drinks. The karaoke bar we hit up wasn’t that crowded. We were some of the only people. I glanced around the table to try to gauge what kind of people were here. There were my friends Yuuya and Kine, of course. “The attractive brown haired teen at the head of the table seemed to be a loudmouth. I bet she’s the one who organized the mixer. The chick to her right is most likely a high school idol or cheerleader. The way she dresses and carries herself says that much. She kind of looks like a doll. I can’t get a read on the girl sitting next to me. She kind of makes me uneasy.” I get a chill down my spine as I lock eyes with the short blue haired woman sitting to my left. Her eyes momentarily paralyzed me. I’ve never seen that color red before...deeper than blood. I held my breath as I tried to force myself to look away. She seemed oddly unphased by any of this.

“My goodness,” Yuuya began, “So it’s true a cute girl only hangs out with other cute girls. It paid off to come this far!”

“Sorry that we made you come this far~,” the girl with the brown hair announced.

“No, It’s okay,” Kine assured the group. “Anyways, now it’s time for introductions. Who wants to go first?” With absolutely no hesitation the loudmouth girl slams her hands on the table and gets up from her seat.

“Ooh! I’ll go first,” she shouted, beaming. “ I’m Rika, the women’s host. I go to the same cram school as Yuuya!” The doll-like girl nudged her way in front of Rika to make her introduction. 

“And I’m Miina, friend of Rika’s and Sakuragawa High’s idol!” She struck a cutesy pose at the end, sticking her tongue out and winking. It’s almost as if she were trying to solidify her role in the group's dynamic. “She’s desperate to fit in,” I thought to myself. I’m used to analyzing people’s behavior. I started doing it as a way to better understand myself, but now I understand a person even more than they do! “Ah, now it’s Rui’s turn,” she says, turning to the icy blue haired girl next to me. 

A brief moment passed before The blue-haired girl finally opened her mouth to introduce herself. “Rui Tachibana,” she said flatly. The monotone of her voice rang through the room like a cracked bell. Obnoxious yet reserved. I could smell a light air of pretentiousness emanating from her. The tension in the room became so thick all of a sudden, you could quite literally have cut it with a knife. 

Miina let out a nervous laugh and put her hand on Rui’s shoulder. “Aha...c’mon Rui, Why don’t you act cheerful at least in this kind of occasion~.” Rui looked around the room, continuing to remain silent. Miina saw this as a sign to carry on. “Ah...let’s move on, then.”

“Miina, you have a really great voice,” said Yuuya as Miina handed him the microphone for karaoke. 

“Yeah,” Kine added, wrapping his arm around Miina and Rika’s shoulder. “That was amazing. I really loved when you two sang the chorus together! So, who’s next?” 

Rika sprung up and shouted “Me! It’s me! Ooh~ I've been watching a drama on TV that features this opening song!”

Kine stood up from his seat and approached Rui. “Hmm...this time...Rui! Let’s sing together!”

Rui slid away a good foot from Kine and began to fidget. “But I don’t know this song,” she said coldly. 

Kine reeled back, half from surprise and half from him being able to tell how uncomfortable Rui was getting. “Whaaat?! You don’t know it?! It’s very popular!”

Rui looked off to her left side in a way that could only be interpreted by the room as dismissive and said “Popular songs these days have frivolous lyrics. Not to mention they all sound the same.” With this comment, any positive atmosphere that might have still remained from before was completely unsalvageable now. The whole room went dead quiet, the only noise being the karaoke track that Kine forgot to pause. Rika decided to break the tension. 

“A-ah.. let me sing then!”

Kine let out a bout of nervous laughter and handed the mic to her. “S-sure..” After Rika began her song, I heard Yuuya mumble something from underneath his breath. “She’s weird, she only listens to old music.” “I like old music,” I thought to myself, “She had a very strong point; she just needs to learn how to not come off as unlikeable.” 

In the middle of the song, I saw Rui causally meander out of the room we had booked, into the common area. Curious, both about where she was going as well as her as a person, I decided to follow her. 

“I didn’t know people our age still drank tea.” The beverage fell rhythmically into Rui’s cup from the dispenser. She stopped when it was about halfway full. Watching from the doorway, even though it was a good 30 feet away, I could see her begin to unravel. Her cold and disapproving stare began to melt into apprehensive and exhausted eyes. She looked softer, almost delicate. A complete contrast to the way she presents herself. I thought it might be a good idea to approach her. 

“Is it boring,” I ask her, pouring myself a coke from the same drink dispenser. She seems startled, meaning she’s either extremely anxious or extremely aloof. The latter seemed to suit her better. 

“What,” she asked, apprehensively turning to face me. She realized her momentary display of weakness and her soft eyes sharpened like blades, piercing my soul. Her glare was almost too much for me to handle. “Are you here to complain that I’m spoiling the mixer?”

“No~,” I replied, halfway fed up with her sly and arrogant remarks. It’s almost as if she didn’t care what anybody thought of her whatsoever. Or maybe she was oblivious to the effects she has on other people. “It worries people when you keep acting in a bad mood.”

Rui began to fiddle with her now empty straw wrapper as she pondered my statement. “I wouldn’t really say I’m in a bad mood. This is just the usual me. I’m not used to mixers.” I tightened my grip on my glass. “I really don’t know how to read this girl!”

“Ah, so that’s it.. I thought you were asking for a fight or something,” I sighed.

“Well, does it bother you?”

I paused for a moment. “Of course it bothers people when you act like you’re better than everyone else in the room,” I thought. But of course I couldn’t tell her that. But given the scenario that what she’s saying is true, I can’t really say I don’t relate. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. “Ah.. no, I’m just the same way.”

Rui quickly flicked her head toward me, as if she was interested in hearing more. “What,” she asked, staring at me intently. Damn those eyes. Those blood red eyes. I found myself blushing and averted my eyes. 

“T-to be honest, I’m not used to it either,” I stammered as I desperately tried to regain my composure. “How can she go from ice cold to heart-meltingly warm in a second?” I began to fiddle with my own straw. “I’m, you know, a case of high school debut. I used to be four-eyes with ruffled hair. I never even had a chance at mixers so I kind of know how you feel.”

Rui’s eyes narrowed, trying to picture what I would have looked like during my middle school years. Based on her facial expressions, I assumed she wasn’t very impressed. “Four-eyes with ruffled hair..?”

I let out a nervous laugh and grabbed the back of my neck. “Y-yeah...a nosy friend of mine drafted his own little book titled “How To Improve Oneself” just for me. He said that I shouldn’t be seen cheap at a new high school. I don’t want to talk about this but at the same time, Rui intrigues me. “So,” I ask her as we walk back towards the rest of the group, “Come to think of it, you said you like old music, right? What kind?”

Rui glanced toward the ceiling, I assume to recall some of her favorite songs. “Sakimori No Uta by Sada Masashii and Inochi no Betsumei by Nakajima Miyuki.” Her taste isn’t bad but it’s far from what a high school girl her age would typically listen to. Rui’s cold stare hadn’t left her face for a while now.

“Ohh,” I replied, kind of surprised, “They sure have serious lyrics.”

“You know them,” she asked, peering over her shoulder. A ghost of a smile began to appear. 

“Yeah, my dad listens to all kinds of old pop songs. I was kind of raised with artists such as them.” As I walked beside her I couldn't help but see Teach in her profile. They’re polar opposites in every sense of the word, but there is something about this girl that draws me into thinking of Teach. “I’ve come to the mixer to give up my crush...but I’m hopeless since I’m trying to mold Teach into this girl,” I thought. For some reason I feel the need to treat this girl the same as I would Teach. “You know,” I started, “There are many things you don’t understand because you aren’t used to mixers yet. I’m sure you’ll figure them out over time.” I looked away from her. I don’t know why I felt so anxious. Probably because my subconscious is treating this girl like the love of my life, even though she couldn’t be more different. 

Rui stopped and looked up at me in annoyance. “Why’re you acting so big even though you’re new at this too?” 

Damn, guess I whiffed. This girl could never be anything like Teach! I needed to get over her, whatever it took. “Hey,” I grumbled, “You shouldn’t pick on me when I took the trouble of cheering you up.” “She’s so twisted,” I thought, upset that I let myself get fooled by her moment of weakness earlier. 

I noticed her fidgeting with her skirt from the corner of my eye. What does SHE have to be nervous about?!”  She looked at the ground and whispered. “Hey.. why don’t we sneak out together..?” 

I’m quite caught off guard by this outlandish request. She isn’t the kind of person I would choose to spend my free time with, not to mention that other people will get the wrong idea if we just disappear at the same time. But at the same time, Maybe this could be my chance to forget about Teach. “Eh.. why?” She said nothing. As her blood red eyes locked into mine for one final time, I found myself back at square one.

Next thing I knew we were running down Aoyama street. I looked behind at the karaoke bar we left our friends as it got smaller and smaller in the distance. “I wonder if they’ll worry.”

“It’s fine,” she reassured me, “Sneaking out of a mixer is implicitly acceptable. We continued running for another block or two. “What is this…? Don’t tell me she has a crush on me..” “You couldn’t be more wrong if you think I have a crush on you,” she stated coldly, almost immediately after I finished my thought. “But still,” she came to a stop and once again unwillingly locked me into her un relinquishing gaze. She’s so pale. The soft glow of dusk reflected off of Rui’s skin. She shines in the same way as Teach. “I want you...to do me a little favor. Do you mind?”

I didn’t really get what she meant by that, but what’s the harm I guess. It should serve as a good distraction. “Oh...ah, nope. I don’t mind.”

Rui’s hair bounced quite a bit when she walked. It was almost sort of entertaining. Short, blue, wavy strands of hair coming down to her chin. I wondered what kind of conditioner she uses to get her hair to look so soft and shiny. My mind began to race with scenarios of what that mysterious girl’s ‘favor’ might be. “A favor..? Could it be like…” I imagined Rui bowing and closing her eyes in front of me, in a state of desperation. “Please!! Pretend to be my boyfriend!” “No,” I thought, “Maybe that’s a bit too over dramatic. Could it be that she leads me somewhere and..” My mind wandered to a scenario of which Rui brings me to a junkyard. She stood in the middle of a bunch of delinquents holding various weapons. “You took me for a fool! Okay guys, beat the hell out of him,” she would have demanded. “No freaking way, I hope not! But still...I wonder where it is I’m being dragged to.”

Ding. I stepped out of the elevator and was greeted by the bland beige halls of floor 8 of what I could only have presumed to be an apartment complex. 

“Come in,” she instructed me nonchalantly. It would be an understatement to say that I was surprised. I’m pretty sure I had a heart attack, stroke, and an aneurysm simultaneously. My eyes widened as I took in my surroundings. The small apartment looked about as normal as someone would expect an apartment to look. The room was rather orange, with orange cloth furniture as well as random accents that added to the room's warm atmosphere. I was so confused, you have no idea. “Huh,” I blurted, frantically scanning the room. “What is this place?! Who am I??”

Rui still looked unphased by the fact she brought a boy into her house seemingly out of the blue. “This is my house,” she answered calmly. “And you’re Haruo Fujii.”

“It’s Natsuo,” is all I could manage to get out, as I was still in shock from what was happening.

“Ah, my bad”

“Why did she suddenly take me to her house,” I thought, scanning the room for every exit in case of an emergency. Rui continued to walk further and further into her house, disregarding the implications this would have for the both of them. 

“No one’s come back yet. My room is this way.” Rui gently opens her door and walks into her room. It’s decorated roughly the same as the rest of the house, with the only difference being that she seemed to have gotten rid of anything and everything unnecessary. Her room felt cold and empty, similar to the way she acted. “How fitting.” She set her purse on the desk and motioned for me to join her on the bed. 

I frantically wrack my brain trying to think of any excuse to get out of this situation, which seemed to be spiraling completely out of my control. “A girl’s room of all places? I’ve never been to one other than my cousins!” At this point my mind was absolutely numb. “Well...I don’t know what is going on at all,” I sputtered, tripping over every syllable of nonsense. “What’s this...What?! I’m not ready-”

“Natsuo. Listen,” Rui locks eyes on me one final time. “Will you please have sex with me?”

Two solid minutes of silence preceded such an unexpected question. “......What…..,” I said, hoping it was all in my head. 

“If you don’t want to then you can leave,” Rui stated matter-of-factly, eyes still locked. Her eyes were the pen that I used to sign a contract with the devil. But even the devil himself couldn’t possibly be redder than her eyes. 

I struggled to formulate a proper answer. I sigh. “I-it isn’t that I don’t want it, but...why…?”

“I just want to try it,” She said, clenching the bedsheets. I could tell this wasn’t easy for her. What her blood red eyes held was not desire, It was desperation. “Just like everything else, Those who know talk down to those who don’t, correct? Saying things like ‘you wouldn’t know yet,’ so pretentious. I want to know what it’s like, or they’ll keep treating me like a child, and I can’t properly talk to them about it. I went to the mixer for that purpose today.” She trailed off and looked out the window. “I know you’re supposed to do it with someone you love...but I don’t have anyone I love, and I’m not going to either.”

“Ah, so that’s where you’re coming from..” I gathered my composure and prepared to save her from making a decision she would come to regret. “Wait a second! More importantly, why me? I think people like Yuuya would have more experience with this.”

“Yeah you’re right. You don’t look like a player,” she says bluntly. 

“You wound me.”

“That’s why I picked you up, though. I didn’t want to be scored like another prize by people with a lot of experience. So, that being said, is it a yes?”

I stared at the ground, my mind racing with thoughts of Teach. I saw her walking away from me, before turning to smile at me over her shoulder. My heart hurt. It hurt so bad. Maybe this is my mind’s way of telling me that I need to let go. Maybe this is Teach’s way of saying goodbye. I was at a loss. “I-it’s okay, but…”

Those damned eyes.

It’s about 11:00 PM, my hair still ruffled from what we did. I co-0uld still taste her skin. I shivered as the breeze hit the back of my neck. It’s so quiet. So peaceful. 

“It’s getting late, don’t you have a curfew,” she asked, back still turned towards me. A loose strand of hair sticks out from the rest of her scalp. I blushed, unable to push back the image of her naked body as she quivered beneath me. A sight totally unfitting of the Ice Queen that is Rui Tachibana.

“Ahh..It’s okay. My father doesn’t care.” We continued to walk the streets in silence for a while longer. I noticed that Rui’s breathing was labored. The rise and fall of her chest underneath her white button-up made me feel at ease. She was nervous too. At least she felt something. There’s still a question lingering on my mind though. One of the reasons she even put me in this position. “What did you think...after the experience…?

Rui paused as floods of people began to rush past us. For the first time, it appeared as she was deep in thought. “Hmm,” she began. “‘So that’s about it…’ is how I felt.” She quickly turned towards me to clear up any misunderstanding. “Ah...I’m not talking about whether you did good or bad at it. I don’t know anything either.” She glanced toward the ground and smiled to herself. “I unexpectedly realized that this wasn’t the kind of thing that wouldn’t change me.” I felt bad for her, she just wanted to try to be like everyone else. To not be on the outside for once. I could relate. But there was something more important going through my mind during that moment. A thought that temporarily stopped all of time. Her sad, accepting smile. It was Teach’s.

******

“Well,” I ruffled my pants, “That’s how it happened.” I glance down at the floor, knowing I’m about to be chewed out big time by a jealous and disbelieving Fumiya. 

“What the hell,” Fumiya stands up and shouts. “Even eroges don’t have that short of a scenario! You conquered her in three steps!”

He begins to shake me violently. “My head’s spinning enough, I don’t need this too,” I think to myself, about to hurl if I need to endure any more of his belligerent violence. “I couldn’t believe it myself either!”

Fumiya gathers his composure and returns to his chair while I recover from the abuse. “Why is a lucky boy like you making such a subtle look,” he began. “Wasn’t she cute?”

“Teach...” I lower my head in self reflection and shame, realizing just how much I might come to regret doing this tonight. I take a deep breath and decide to confide in Fumiya. “The moment after we parted, I was filled with a sense of excitement, like ‘ah, I’m no longer a virgin!’ But when time passed, another thought appeared in my mind. ‘Was it really okay to give up this way?’ As you pointed out just now, I have a crush.”

“Well,” Fumiya said, leaning back in his chair and straightening his glasses. “If we have to decide if it’s good or bad, don’t you think it’s good? Of course, It’d be best if you did it with the person you love.. but in your case, that’s impossible.” 

“Fumiya...you don’t pull any punches do you?”

I thrust the old rusty key into the lock and open the door to my apartment. “Dad, I’m home,” I shout. I wander into the narrow hallway a bit farther and see my dad on the phone in the dim lighting of the ceiling lamp. “He’s on the phone again. It’s been very often lately.” It’s another day tomorrow. I decide to go get some rest. 

******

Damn. That’s the third pencil I’ve burned through today. At this rate, I’m going to run my wallet dry on lead alone. I flip through the pages of my budding novel. I’m liking how it’s turning out. I’m deep in thought about what character to write next when I’m interrupted by a beautiful woman in a flowery pink blouse and orange skirt.

“Ah, there is already someone here,” she sighs, initially out of disappointment. Though her demeanor soon changes as she dons an ear-to-ear grin. “Uh-oh. If it isn’t Natsuo!” She rushes right up to where I’m sitting and places herself only a foot away. I can smell her perfume, so light and fragrant. “Ahh~ It got so cloudy today, I just wanted to enjoy it by myself on the rooftop,”

“I don’t care, go ahead,” I shot back. I try my best to sound as dismissive as possible, but I find it hard to do so. Her radiant positivity is almost too much to handle. “Just consider me air.”

“I care,” she exclaims, only inches away from my face at this point. I try my best to hold back my now flushed expression. “For example, I wonder how much you’ve written for your novel.” I turn ghost white as I frantically try to hide all of my writings in the safety of my iron grip. She grumbles, clearly disappointed. That makes me feel a little better in a way. “That’s unfair~ Didn’t you tell me you’d show it to me first in exchange for keeping it a secret?”

I try to find a way to politely decline showing her, but my embarrassment gets the better of me. I turn beet red. “I don't want anyone to read it before it’s complete!”

“Ah~ I should’ve read it before returning it to you when I picked it up.”

“What happened,” I ask frankly. There’s got to be a reason why she’s here with me on the rooftop this morning. If there’s one thing I know about Teach, it’s that she only comes to the rooftop when she is troubled by something. Trivial or not, I don’t care. I just want her to let me in. 

“Huh?” She pretends she didn’t hear me. That or she’s just trying to sidestep the question. 

“You used to come here alone when you were depressed, y’know.”

Teach laughs a bit and grabs onto the chain link fence surrounding the roof. “Oh nothing,” she bellows. “I’m just here to space out.” She outstretches her arms and smiles, not once averting her eyes from the mountain range just to the south of our school. “How fast. It’ll be a year soon. When I started my job here, and things got rocky in my classes…” she plops down onto the concrete next to me and looks toward the sky. “...I ran away to the rooftops in low spirits. And then I ran into you, who listened to my whining and encouraged me. It really cheered me up.”

“It wasn’t a big deal,” I mumble instinctively. I look away from her to embarrass myself less, “If you have something else to say, come visit me anytime here.”

Teach smooths out her skirt and smiles down on me. It’s not sympathetic or pitiful, It’s just a child's smile. “Oh boy~ you’re acting so mature! What if I fell in love with you upon hearing this,” she playfully asks, patting me on my head. 

That hurts deep Teach. As hard as it is to hide, I decide to play it off. “We both know that won’t happen…”

Teach turns and begins to walk back to the rooftop door. “Your teacher isn’t interested in younger boys! But,” she turns to me and gives a smile. A real genuine smile. “Nice children might be an exception~”

I feel every color but red leave my face. She really is oblivious to the things she does to me. My mind races of thoughts of an impossible future, Teach and I are happily married, till death do us part. Unfortunately, reality is a cruel mistress. “I-I wasn’t really acting mature..it was more like I was doing you a service.”

This time Teach’s smile is sympathetic. The tension is broken by the school bell signaling the end of lunch break. “Ah, the warning bell is ringing,” she says. “Thank you! But really, it’s okay, I’m fine!” Lying through her teeth, Teach walked back into the building, leaving me alone with my embarrassment. I run my hand through my ruffled hair. It’s warm to the touch. “I’m such an idiot. Why can’t I...just give up…?”

******

“Hey, Why don’t we go play basketball after lunch,” Yuuya asks, giving the orange and black globe a good spin on his fingers. The proposition isn’t half bad. It means they’re really desperate to hang out with me if they’re willing to stoop as far as doing something I’m actually interested in. Usually they always invite me to karaoke bars or parties in friend’s basement, always with the promise of ‘getting laid.’ Well, It’s not like I need to worry about that anymore. 

“I’m going,” Kine exclaims, pumping his smaller than average fist in the air. I weigh it over in my mind a bit, but decide that I have more important obligations. “You see, lunch break is an important time for writing,” I think to myself. But it’s not as if I’m able to tell them that. I struggle to come up with a proper excuse. 

“Ah..I’m sorry but I have something to do.”

“Huh? What’s that,” Yuuya questions. 

I fidget in my seat, trying to answer an obvious question I, for some inexplicable reason, wasn’t prepared for. “C-committee work…?”

 

The bell rings for lunch break. I start up the stairs to the rooftop, eager to begin finishing the latest chapter of my book, which is now in its final stretch. I open the door and the sun blinds me. I can only pick up a silhouette through the overwhelmingly bright rays, but it’s one that’s indistinguishable. “Look,” I say, taking a couple steps towards her as she stares off in the distance. “As I thought, something happened to you didn’t it? It’s bad to twist in the wind and keep it to yourself.” She begins to slowly turn her head towards me. It’s almost as if she doesn’t recognize my voice. I can see the sun’s reflection on something against her cheeks. “I won’t tell anyone, you know.”

Teach turns towards me, lips slightly parted and tears streaming down her face. I’m taken aback. I’ve never seen this side of Teach before. Her expression is foreign to me. I feel the need to hold her tight, but I repress it. “Teach, what happened..,” I think. It feels like the world’s off balance. A crack in the sun. She gives a soft smile and wipes her eyes.

“Natsuo...what should I do? I showed you an ugly sight.” She sniffles. She looks so weak. So fragile. She looks up at me and I’m immediately drawn in. A beautiful emerald green that shines brighter than fireworks. I can see her hold back her tears. For my sake. But when she looks at me like this, I can’t help but see Rui on that night. My mind flashes back to when she was telling me about how the experience wouldn’t change her. She looked so disappointed. I see this same longing and sadness in Teach’s eyes.

“Uh...What happened? Did some student say something about you?”

“Actually,” Teach covers her eyes and pretends to bawl. Only these are true tears. True sadness. Teach has always been one for theatrics. “I watched a documentary about an old man and his dog on TV last night...and I got so moved. I cry every time I remember it. His dog got sick, Natsuo!”

“You don’t need to be evasive with such an obvious lie.” “They didn’t even broadcast such a show yesterday.” 

Teach hesitates a bit and plays with her hair. She looks to the left. “Then, the wasabi in my lunch irritated my eyes.”

Whatever this is about it must be bothering her a lot. She used to talk to me about all of her problems, so what’s different? Could it be that when she used to talk to me, it was nothing more than simple trivialities? Does Teach not trust me as much as I believed? “What’s up with you,” I ask, confused.

Teach’s gives me a big smile, tears now dry. “Okay, never mind,” she waves her hand dismissively, “It’s not a big deal at all.” 

What sane person would buy that? Something major must’ve happened, and I want to continue being someone that she can come to when she needs a shoulder to lean on. I ask her the question that’s been on my mind for a while now. “Is it something...you can’t even talk to your boyfriend about?” She hangs her head in dismay. Words aren’t needed, her body language confirms it. Why doesn’t she trust me? I just want to help Teach! “Even so,” I yell, “I’m more than willing to talk with you! I might not be of much help, but I can at least hear you out. You don’t need to talk about what you don’t want to share. Anyway, It’s bad to endure hardships by yourself! I’m not being nosy here, I’m genuinely concerned about you Teach!” 

The smile that spreads across Teach’s face is different from all her others. It feels like she’s looking down on me almost, but I sense no hostility from it. “Thank you. You are nice. It’s very kind of you, Natsuo. But adults have...their own circumstances.”

My mind goes blank. So she really thinks of me that way huh? I really am just her student. Nothing more and nothing less. I was foolish to think that she thought of me in any special way. I’m not just a kid. I’m the person who wishes for Teach’s happiness most. And if that means listening to her vent to me, then why can’t I do that?

“Haha...I wonder how many years its been since I’ve heard such kind words,” she begins. “I’m sure whoever becomes your girlfriend someday will become the happiest woman! I’m so envi-”

“DON’T TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD!” 

I snap. Teach reels back in surprise of my outburst. I hate to do this to her, for her to see this side of me, but the fire’s already started. “WHAT’S WITH ‘AN ADULT’S CIRCUMSTANCES’?!! I'M NO KINDERGARTNER FOR GOODNESS’ SAKE! WHAT’S SO DIFFERENT BETWEEN YOU AND I, TEACH?!” I pause for a moment to recollect my thoughts. “When I saw the depressed you a year ago...I thought, ‘ah, a teacher is also an ordinary person like me.’ At the same time, I wanted to offer my help, however little. So when you say ‘it’s nothing’ with such a look on your face...to be honest, it hurts me very much! I might not look dependable to you...but I’m different from others! Completely! Because...because Teach I-”

RIIIIIIIIING. Teach reaches into her skirt pocket and pulls out her phone. She clicks ‘ignore’ and looks up at me, once again smiling a broken smile. Though this time it’s almost as if she feels pitiful. “‘I,’” she begins to quote me, “‘I can’t help leaving you alone because you look so weak…?” A singular tear falls from both our eyes in unison. “No, That’s not it at all…”

It’s as that girl said. I lost my virginity on impulse, thinking it was what I needed to give up on Teach. Probably because I wanted to become an adult on equal terms. But.. doing such a thing hasn’t changed me. I’m still...just a brat…

******

“I’m home,” I announce as I walk through the door, emotionally worn out from earlier today. I walk in on my father hanging up the phone. He’s been on the phone a lot lately, but he’s never specified with whom. I just hope he’s doing alright, though lately he’s been so much happier. 

“Oh, you’re back,” dad says, tucking his cell phone into his pocket. 

“A long distance call again? Weren’t you flustered that the bill exceeded ¥2,000 the other day? Why don’t you learn some self control,” I scoff at him. 

“Y-yeah..,” I hear him call back to me as I shut my bedroom door. 

I lay on my bed and close my eyes. Images of the past few days circulate through my head. Rui’s soft, delicate skin. Teach’s glassy, tear-filled eyes. These experiences were so foreign to me until recently. My reminiscing was interrupted by my father bursting the door open unannounced. “Natsuo-” I instinctively throw a pillow straight at his face. I guess fight or flight really does exist. 

“AH, GIVE ME A BREAK,” I scream. My dad looks both surprised and crushed. I see tears begin to well up in his beady middle aged eyes.  

“A-are you going through a rebellious phase,” he asks, concerned. 

I stare blankly at him, unable to determine how he arrived at that conclusion. “Ah, sorry. By the way, rebelling against you doesn’t exactly help relieve any of my stress at all. Anyways, what’s up? Is anything new,” I ask, trying to move on from the whole ‘me-hitting-my-dad-with-a-pillow’ thing. My dad looks a little caught off guard by my sudden interest in his life. 

“Huh? Ahh...well, I’ve been looking for the right time to tell you.” He puts his hand on the side of his head and draws a breath. “Your dad is...remarrying.”

“So were all the long distance phone calls with her,” I ask myself. I decide to give him an answer that wouldn’t worry him. Besides, It’s been ten years, he deserves to be happy. “Huh. This is out of the blue.”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t find the time. Yeah…,” he trails off, clearly anxious about whether or not he’ll receive my blessing as his son.

I just turn around in my bed and close my eyes once more. “Ah. Well, good luck. Mom died ten years ago already, I thought something like this could happen. Do as you wish.”

Dad’s face lights up and he runs towards me, enveloping my body in his scrawny little arms. “ O-Okay! So you see, she’s coming over to say hello with her kids! Why don’t you go get ready for it?”

I cast him an annoyed glare. “How annoying,” I grumble to myself. Before I have any chance to object to such a request, the doorbell rings. My dad jumps up and dashes full speed towards the front door. “She’s here,” he exclaims. I follow him to the door and wonder what kind of woman my dad would be interested in pursuing. 

My father opens the door, revealing a rather attractive middle aged lady. She’s short and has an elegant air around her. Blonde hair with a sweeping left bang. She flashes a sweet and fulfilling smile towards me and my father. “Good afternoon,” she begins, “Thank you for inviting me this time.” 

“She looks graceful,” I note. Meanwhile my dad is a blushing mess. I smile to myself. “Well, if she makes him this happy, maybe this'll be a good thing for all of us.” 

“Hey,” she calls out to the two female figures behind her, “Why don’t you say hello too?”

The elegant lady steps to the side to reveal a fair skinned, blue-haired girl with blood red eyes, along with her beautiful carefree sister.

“Huh,” asks Rui in disbelief.

“Ah! Natsuo,” exclaims Teach.

Chapter 2

“Under The Same Roof”

I feel a cold breeze nibble at the corner of my face. Even the sudden blast of cool air from the wide open door isn’t enough to wake me from my dream. Standing in front of me, next to this fragile middle aged woman, are my first love and the girl whom I lost my virginity to. My voice cracks a little before any words come out. “T-teach,” I mumble halfheartedly, still taking in the three women before me. Rui and Teach both look just as surprised as I am. “Why-”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Teach beams, covering her smile with her left hand. This wasn’t the kind of reaction I was expecting. “So Mr. Fuuji’s son is Natsuo?!”

Dad’s now fiancée adopts a stern expression and addresses her over-ecstatic daughter. “Why are you stating the obvious, Hina?”

“That’s not my point; He’s a student at my school!” Teach jumps on the defensive, flailing her arms haphazardly trying to explain to her mother what she meant by her remark. I laugh a little to myself. I don’t ever see Teach like this, it’s nice. 

“Oh boy, really,” Teach’s mom furrows her brow, skeptical. 

“Their last name isn’t so rare, so I didn’t think they’d be related!”

“Oh god, crap, this is so screwed up! What’s going on? What the hell is happening? Teach is the daughter of my dad’s new wife?? And what about Rui, why is she here?! What?! What the hell?” I swallow. I don’t even know what to say. My vision begins to blur, and sure enough I’m catching myself as I fall to the ground with a thud. 

“Natsuo,” My dad calls out to me with concern. “Oh my god it’s an emergency!”

Teach drops her purse and rushes to my side. “Natsuo, what’s wrong? Natsuo!!”

I slowly stand up and stagger to the table. I watch aimlessly as my dad fixes me a cold washcloth to put on my head. I run my hands over the knot. It stings, but even the pain isn’t enough to make me sober up to the situation. My dad hands me the wet rag. 

“Are you okay?”

I place the washcloth against my forehead. It’s refreshing. “Ah, yeah…,” I reply. “Just a little dizzy.”

“I’m glad to hear that, I was worried,” Dad’s lover chimes in, flashing a pearly white smile. For a quick second I see my mother, but the moment vanishes as soon as it arrives. 

Teach beams at me once more. “Did you think I was making a home visit as a school teacher? I bet you were startled by it,” she jokes.

“Well, that was part of the reason,” I reply, being half-truthful. It certainly caught me off guard so I didn’t exactly know what I thought was going on.

“I was really surprised too, I didn’t expect I’d be related to you, Natsuo.” 

“Hina,” her mother chimes in, waving her hand blushing, “It’s uncertain yet!” She turns to my father. “Still,” she grabs my fathers hands and stares lovingly into his eyes, “What a coincidence, your son is my daughter’s student. Is this fate…?”

“I see,” my father chimes, “I guess you could call this the ‘red string of fate!’” He lets out a laugh. As I look around the table I begin to wonder about whether or not this will really be so bad. My dad is happier than he’s been in years and I get to live with the love of my life. Why am I so apprehensive?

Teach walks over to Rui and places her hands on her younger sister’s shoulders. “Right, Right. This is my sister Rui! She’s the same age as you, Natsuo.” Rui closes her eyes and shy away a bit. She clearly isn’t very comfortable being touched, not that I can really blame her. Teach can be a little bit overbearing at times. I fidget and look to my side. I don’t know how I can look Rui in the eye right now, given our history and such. “She’s a little unsociable, but..” Teach notices my lack of eye contact and lets out a slight gasp. “Could it be…? Do you know each other Natsuo?”

I play with the nape of my neck, uncomfortable with Teach’s prying. Guess I have to come out with it. “Well, um…,” I nervously stammer out. The air feels so thick right now. “Y-”

“This is the first time I’ve met him.” Rui states coldly. While her words seem calm and collected, her crimson eyes are busy tearing me limb from limb. “Ah, she’s trying to cover it up,” I think, grateful that I’ll never have to deal with the awkwardness of explaining to dad that I’m no longer a virgin.

“You’re right. We live far away from your house after all,” my stepmother-to-be adds. “Then once again,” she smiles at me, “Pardon me for being on friendly terms with your father without your knowledge. I’m Tsukiko Tachibana. I am in your care.”

“Same here,” I nod my head towards her, trying to show that I’m approving of their union, “I’m his son, Natsuo.” There’s a brief moment of silence. When I take a look at my father I can’t help but laugh at the thought that he reeled in another woman. He’s scrawny and overbearing, not your typical man. But then again, he’s also the most caring person I've ever met. He would very well lay down and die for his loved ones, even I know that to be true. I want to hear it straight from her though, I’m curious. “Hey um, Tsukiko, If you don’t mind me asking, What do you like about my father?”

She smiles to herself, pondering the question I asked. It’s a gentle smile, I can tell she really loves him. After a few seconds pass she comes up with an answer. “Well...there are many things I like about him...but if I had to choose, it would be ‘integrity.’ You see, my ex-husband cheated on me and left. I became so hateful and angry afterwards. I’ve thought ‘I can’t trust men, who are lowly creatures!’ to this day. But your father was different.” I catch my dad turning bright red and grinning like an idiot. I can’t help but to smile a little as well, I’ve never seen him this happy. Not since mom. Tsukiko continued. “He said to me ‘I’ll always support you! Until the ice in your heart melts away!’ His words were clumsy but I felt his seriousness.” Tears start to stream down both her and my father’s eyes as they join hands. “It was then I knew that there would be no other man for me but him,” she gushes between tears. “Pop, did you really say such a clichéd line,” I laugh to myself, trying not to get choked up on my dad's newfound love.

“Hello, would you please stop building your own world over there,” Teach calls out to the two lovebirds.

Dad stands up suddenly, as if he forgot something. “Oh, that’s right,” he looks around the table, “Hearing that you were coming, I’ve prepared sushi! What do you say? Please join us…”

 

“Ah, this is wonderful,” Teach says, holding out her no-longer-chilled champagne glass towards me. I pour her another glass.

 “Here.”

“Okay, thank you,” she cheers, immediately downing half the glass in one swig. “Mmmm~ How delicious!”

“You really enjoy drinking, don’t you,” I ask, capping the bottle and placing it out of Teach’s reach for fear of her own safety. 

“It’s best after you’re done with a drink and a shower!” Teach clinks her glass with my cup of water and winks. “It’s too bad, y’know. We could’ve drank together if you were an adult!” I stare at the floor. Her words hurt. Exactly how long will Teach see me as some kind of child? My pity-party is interrupted by Rui excusing herself from the table. 

“Excuse me, where is the bathroom?”

“Ah,” my dad points down the hall, “You go that way and it’s around the corner to your right.”

I hear the toilet flush in the distance as I wait up against the wall. There’s something that’s still bugging me about this whole situation. It’s all too crazy to be a coincidence. I hear the door creak and Rui emerges. She stares flatly at me for a couple seconds before putting her hand on her chin in thought. “Déjá vu,” she mutters to herself.

I scoff at such an irrational thought. “No, Your memory’s just overlapping with the Karaoke event.” I decide to get straight to the point before she gets me off track again. “Hey,” I begin. “Don’t tell me you knew all this and pla-”

“I did not.” She crosses her arms. “I couldn’t believe it myself either. Your father often visited my house, but all I heard was that he had a son my age. I honestly can’t believe such a thing happened.”

I swallow. If she didn’t plan it out then that means this really isn’t any sort of joke. I’m going to be living with the love of myself and the girl with the devil’s eyes. “So...what should we do?”

“What,” Rui askes, puzzled. 

“About the remarriage! There’s no way you agree to it, right?” I half ass attempt to self-sabotage myself. Probably because I don’t think I could handle the stress of the situation if I don’t. “Because you and I-”

“I agree to it, so what?”

I reel back, confused. I don’t understand what she thinks she could possibly gain with these circumstances. Surely it has to be awkward for her too! Is she just that cold? That inhuman? “Huh..? Are you serious?”

Her eyes soften for a moment as she looks towards the ground. “Mom...has always been badmouthing my dad since their divorce. It’s a habit of hers, saying ‘you girl’s mustn’t go out with a man like your dad!’ I hated that so much.” Her eyes begin to water ever so slightly. “But she’s completely changed since she started going out with your dad. She grooms herself often, and she’s stopped slandering dad. She always looks excited and happy…” She looks up at me with a look that can only be described as sadness and desperation. “So I can’t take...mom’s happiness away just for this reason. Not that I’m guaranteed a happy life even if I object to it.” Her eyes sharpen once again as she pushes herself past _me and begins to walk down the hall. “Well, your decision is up to you.” 

Rui...you seem so cold on the outside, but you really care about people, don’t you..?

“Well, it really went well,” My dad says as I pour myself a glass of water. “I was very surprised her daughter was your teacher.” Dad picks up the Tupper ware from the table and brings them to the sink. “But I’m glad it helped things work out as a result.” I begin to wash off the forks and plates he laid next to me. He puts his hands on my shoulder. “Ah, you can leave the dishes. I’ll do them tonight!” He’s basically smiling ear to ear at this point. I can’t help but follow suit when I see him this happy. I guess I'm going to need to get used to this new life of mine. I take a seat at the kitchen table, watching him hum a tune to himself as he deftly handles each dish. I think back to what Rui said about not wanting to take away her mother’s happiness. Seeing my dad right now, I know exactly what she means. 

“Hey, Pop…,” I prop my elbow on the table and rest my head on my hand. “I don’t mind...if you remarry…”

He abruptly drops the dish in the sink. “Natsuo…” His glasses begin to fog a bit. I can tell it’s only a matter of time before the waterworks come. 

I wave my hand at him. “Hey. It’s not as if I’m saying this thoughtlessly. I know it sounds a little brash but…I know how hard you’ve been working alone until now.”

My dad turns away from me, trying to hide the tears. He’s such an open book. He’s gripping the sponge so hard trying to hold in his emotions that he’s basically wringing it dry! “Thank you. And I’m sorry. It’s not as if I’ve forgotten your mother..” His voice quivers at that last sentence. I smile to myself and readjust. 

“Yeah…”

I hear my dad rustle around the drawer for something as I’m pulled out of my trip down memory lane. “So look!” My father holds out a blueprint of a house, marked with all kinds of numbers. “It’s a little early, but we’ve decided to buy a secondhand house for all of us! For that reason, we’ll be moving out next week!

“I TOLD YOU ALREADY, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FEEL THE NEED TO RUSH THINGS WITH NO NOTICE BEFOREHAND?!”

******

“WHAAAAAT?! YOU’RE GOING TO BE RELATED TO THE GIRL YOU HAD SEX WITH AND YOUR TEACHER?!” I stare Fumiya dead in the eyes as the silence lingers. “Sorry, but I don’t believe you,” he says matter of factly. 

“Yeah, I thought so. It’s just my dad is so excited, I can’t just say no to him.”

“Well,” Fumiya leans back in his chair, “What are you going to do? Are you going to live with them?”

I pull out the pamphlet detailing the house that dad gave me last night and spread it on the floor. “Yeah, they’re buying a second house, and all of us are going to be living together.”

“NOW, NOW!!!” Fumiya’s mom bursts in the door, causing me to jump up and Fumiya to fall out of his chair. “Natsuo, are you moving?! Where?? Where?!” 

“Ah it’s okay,” I console her. “It’s nearby.” 

“Oh boy, I’ll still feel lonely! We’ll have less chances to run into you when you move out of the apartment complex.” Oba has always been clinging to me. She became like a mother to me after my Mom died. Fumiya and I have been joined by the hip since we were in second grade so she just ended up raising me too. I don’t really blame her for being so torn up over something so minor. It’s like ‘one’s already leaving the nest, huh?’

Fumiya stands up and begins to try pushing his mother out of the door, but she won’t budge. “Natsuo is like a son to us, isn’t he?! Wait, why are you pushing me out, what’s wrong with it?!” He slams the door behind her and reclaims his seat on his desk chair.

“Well, it’s become quite a pain, but there’s nothing we can do as long as you approve it. Now that the decision is made I want you to grant me a favor, as your dear friend.” I think I know where this is going. Fumiya gets down from his chair and stares me eye to eye. “Please introduce your beautiful older sister to me!”

I grab the desk chair that he was sitting on and raise it over my head, intent to kill. “HOW CAN YOU TRY AND STEAL YOUR FRIEND’S CRUSH…?!”

“BUT YOU’RE SIBLINGS NOW AREN’T YOU?!” Fumiya’s little wake up call breaks my rage. I drop the desk chair and slump down in despair. “No matter what it’s just impossible! And even before that, you still had to get past the ‘teacher-student’ relationship.”

“Just as I thought…,” I say, dejectedly staring at the floor. “Do I have to give up?”

“Well, I understand it pours fuel on the fire because it’s forbidden love, but this is just.. you know..”

******

The sun is unusually bright this morning. Maybe It’s because my eyes are still adjusting to the light. I feel its rays creep across my skin, it’s warmth slowly trickling up my forearm. I’ve been out here for not much more than five minutes and I can already feel the beads of sweat roll down my forehead, like dew on a blade of grass. This house is a lot bigger than our humble little apartment was. An intimidating two-story white house’s sprawling layout lay directly in front of me. I put down the box I was holding and wipe my sweat with the cloth I’ve draped around my neck. “Excuse me,” I call out into nothing. “Wow, It looks quite nice,” I shout to my dad, who’s following close behind with a box of his own. 

“Isn’t that so,” my dad enthusiastically agrees, “It’s far from the station but we got a great deal on it. Let’s just put the boxes down first, I need to go return the car we rented.” 

“Okay, okay.” My dad hands me another box and I put it on top of the one I’d already set in the corner of the spacious foyer. I feel someone pat my back. I look behind me and I’m met with Teach’s face just inches away. 

“Good job,” she praises me.

“Oh, you’re here too?”

“Yeah,” she says, putting her hands behind her back and stretching a bit. “I already moved my stuff to my room.” She lets out a sigh of relief. I bet she’s been working hard all day. “Y’know,” she starts, “I guess we’re ‘under the same roof’ starting today. It feels strange for some reason.” She turns away from me and I hear her snicker. “But it makes my heart race to have a little brother after all these years! Maybe I should go through your room and look for X-rated magazines!”

I feel my face flush with embarrassment. “PLEASE DON’T!”

Teach ignores my pleas and points her finger at me. “Oh, that reminds me,” She leans in, her finger still trained on me. “Now that we’re siblings, you should drop the formalities when we’re at home!”

I turn bright red and keep my eyes trained at the ground. Calling her anything other than “Teach” is just too embarrassing. “Ah.. yes...no, yeah…” I feel like an idiot tripping over my words like that. I just want this whole conversation to just end. Please.

“Okay!!” She flashes one of her trademark grins at me. “Let’s see, I can still call you Natsuo, but you can call me Hina!”

My brain kicks into overdrive. I can feel myself burning out. “I can’t just call her that! It would be so awkward, and even more so at school!! Oh my god what am I going to do…”

“Hi-na!” Teach breaks up her words into syllables, trying to make sure I have it drilled into my head. I can’t just do that. I’m sorry, Teach. “Repeat after me,” she holds her hand to her ear, egging me on. 

I turn beet red. “H-Hi..na…” I mutter as quiet as I possibly can. I feel like I’m going to die right here and now. All of a sudden Teach bursts into a fit of laughter. “It’s not funny, idiot,” I think to myself. I guess even Teach has a darker side, I’m surprised. 

She pats my head and ruffles my hair. “God,” she says between fits of laughter, “You have the most adorable reactions Natsuo!” She begins to run up the stairs. “I’ll be on the second floor! I’ll help you when you move the heavy loads. So call me, will you?” 

“Teach.. you’re so unfair,” I think to myself as I clench my hair, now thoroughly messed up from Teach’s assault. 

Finally, the last one. I climb the last stair and set the box down with a thud. I let out a sigh. “Phew,” I mumble to myself, “It's hard to climb stairs. My muscles will ache tomorrow.” I look on both sides of me. A long corridor lined with rooms on every end. “So, where is my room?” I fumble through my pockets for the floor plan dad gave me. I neatly unfold it and locate my room, last on the left. As I put the floor plan back in my pocket, I see Rui emerge from her own room. I guess it’s right next to mine. I quickly look to my side, trying to avoid eye contact. I hear her footsteps get closer and closer until- “OW!” Rui pulls on my ear and forces me closer.

“You can forget about what happened. There is nothing that happened between you and me. Got it? If you get it then don’t act so weird around me.” She lets me go and I reel back in pain. 

“Wait! How can-” The door slams shut behind her. 

How exactly am I supposed to forget?

“Gosh,” My dad calls carefree from the kitchen, “As I thought...after a hard days work, eating together even makes something like Soba extremely delicious.”

I roll my eyes. “Ah~ That’s right,” I say insincerely. “Easy for you to say, I don’t have the luxury to enjoy the taste.” 

“Ah, let me help you,” Tsukiko says to my father, taking the ceramics out of the sink and washing them herself. Meanwhile I spot Rui helping herself to whatever we have in the fridge. It feels so surreal sharing even the most basic things with each other. “Oh that reminds me,” Tsukiko says to Rui, who is now pouring herself a glass of milk. “Your sister’s taking a bath, so you’re up next. Did you take out the towels?”

“Yeah, I put them in the washroom.”

I hone in on Rui and think back to what she instructed me earlier. A beautiful girl with the devil’s eyes is what stands before me, but all I can see is her vulnerable expression when our warm bodies collided that night. I replay the night in my head. I can almost feel her body quiver against me, although she’s a good fifteen feet away. I swallow. “Pretend as if nothing happened? There’s no way I can do that!!”

“Haa~ How refreshing!” I turn my head and am greeted by a half-naked Teach walking out in the kitchen. Clad in nothing but a towel and green lace panties, ever so see-through at the bottom. The sides of her breasts just barely visible. I freeze. “It feels so good~ The bathroom is so large! It’s awesome! The bathtub is bigger than what we had in our apartment-” The dish my father was washing falls to the floor and shatters. The noise seems to snap Teach into reality. “AHHHHH!!”

Dad and I both whip our heads around so fast our necks would have snapped if we went even a little bit faster. Teach hunches in and covers herself with a towel, her embarrassment basically permeating throughout the room. 

“Hey! What are you doing in front of men?!” Tsukiko scolds her daughter for her indecency. 

“I-I’m sorry,” she cries, “It’s a habit! I’m so hopeless~ I’m used to living with women only.” Teach scurries back into her room to go change into something less...revealing. Meanwhile Tsukiko is busy trying to apologize on behalf of her daughter's obscenity. 

“I’m sorry Aki, my girl’s sloppy.”

“Ah no, It’s okay,” My dad forces, clearly still recovering from the incident. Step-daughter or not he’s still a man. 

“I’m sorry about what happened,” Teach apologizes, walking out in a new pair of pink and white plaid pajamas and tight pink booty-shorts. “I guess these will do. I’ll pay more attention next time.” She trots to the fridge, not a care in the world. Her breasts are so big I don’t know if I’ll be able to contain myself. “It’s hardly less stimulating than before. My junior, pray be asleep!” Teach rummages through the fridge. “Now then, beer, beer! Ah I’ve found one!” She moves to join me on the sofa. “With this, you’re happy every moment~” I turn my head. She isn’t wearing a bra. As a man I can’t look. Teach takes an unhealthily long swig of her drink. “Ah~ A drop of beer is worth a drop of blood!”

“That totally sounds like a line a drunkard would say,” I retort. 

“I can't deny I am one,” Teach reaches for the TV remote on the coffee table. I can just barely see down her shirt this way! “I wonder if there’s anything good on television.” After a couple minutes of channel flipping she stumbles upon some comedy duo. “Ah! I like these guys!”

“You’re driving me crazy..”

“Natsuo, we’re going to bed.” I look up from my book to see Dad and Tsukiko in their nightgowns, looking about ready to retire for the night. I glance at the clock. It’s still pretty early, only 11:00, but I guess I can’t blame them. Today has been exhausting for all of us. Seeing the two of them together like this gives me a warm feeling. It reminds me of when I was a child. “You have school tomorrow right? Don’t stay up too late. Goodnight.” 

“Ah, goodnight guys.” I look across from me to see Teach sprawled out on the sofa, a fitting position for a drunk. Her clothes are ruffled and catching on her skin. “But...what am I supposed to do about this?” I decided to take matters into my own hands. Swallowing my pride and embarrassment, I shuffle my way over to Teach. “Teach…,” I poke her skin. It’s soft but also unnervingly cold. Unfortunately, there’s no response from the woman. “Teach, you have to go to bed properly or you could catch a cold.” Still nothing but aimless grumbles. I wonder what she’s dreaming about right now. Could it be me? I wonder. “Teach, hey wake up a second. Teach!” Bingo. Her eyes open ever so slightly before suddenly jolting to life. 

“Yes!” She pumps her fist into the air and cheers out. The alcohol must still be coursing through her veins if she’s this lively. Noticing exactly who’s in the room with her, she worms her way right up next to my face. “Well, well~ It’s Natsuo~ Whyyy? Have you come to pick me up?”

“Yeah, yeah I have,” I say, grabbing Teach by her underarms, trying to motivate her to go to bed on her own. She slumps over into me, falling back to sleep. “Hey! Wake up already! You have to go to your room!

“I...do not...want to.”

“Hey, don’t say that!”

“Natsuo.” Her expression changes suddenly. It’s soft yet stern, like she’s suddenly sobered up instantaneously. She stumbles around a bit before prostrating herself before me. She smiles one of her gentle smiles. “Even though I have my fair share of shortcomings, I shall do my best in becoming a good big sister.”

I feel a wetness on my cheek. I guess this is reality huh. Every day it’s like I have to deal with the gravity of the truth. A never-ending cycle of hurt. The definition of “bittersweet.” I decide to give this to myself. She won’t remember it anyway. It’s time to let go. “I’m looking forward to it,” I say in between tears. And with that she’s passed out again. “Oh Teach, you need to be more responsible.” Looking at her sleeping face, so peaceful yet so painful, I make my decision. 

“I know.” My mind floods with memories of Teach. Fumiya’s words echo in my head. “No matter what it’s impossible.” Those words sting so much. I guess this is really how it ends. “I know.” All those times on the rooftop, Teach talking about the most trivial of things. All of those are meaningless now. We’re siblings after all. “But.” I clench my fists. I know what it is I have to do. “Just once.” Her lips look so soft. “Just once, nothing else.” I can feel her warm, labored breath on my face. I can taste the booze. I lean in, only an inch apart from her face. “Just once, I’ll end my love with this.” I swallow and move in closer to Teach’s lips.

Click. 

I whip my head back to see Rui standing in the doorframe. I can feel my face go white. There’s no way this is happening. What was I doing? How am I supposed to explain this to her? What am I going to do? My heart is skipping every other beat. She says nothing. Only stares at me with those deep red eyes. Deep with disgust. She finally breaks the silence. 

“What...are you doing?”

Chapter 3

“I Can’t Communicate Well”

The room started to spin. Her gaze was stripping my soul clean of any ounce of self respect I might’ve had. Taking advantage of her like this to put an end to my own unrequited love? How fucking selfish could I be? “Ah.. nothing.” Rui begins to slowly walk over to the other side of the couch. “I wonder if she saw it,” I say to myself, praying for a miracle. 

“Hm.” Rui lines her foot up with the top of Teach’s head and lets forth a powerful kick. The drunken mess tumbled to the ground with a thud. “What the hell was that about…” 

“”Ow,” Teach cries out. 

Rui makes her way in front of her, grabs her arms, and proceeds to drag her across the beige wool carpet. “Come on Hina, let’s go to your room.”

“Hey,” I call out, still without a lick of understanding as to what’s going on, “You could let her sleep a little more y’know.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry. Stuff like this is normal for us.” I make mental note of that remark. “What kind of household did you grow up in?”

“Hello~ Natsuo, goodnight,” a wasted Teach sputters. She sounds more off-kilter than ever. Maybe Rui inflicted some serious brain damage. 

“G-goodnight,” I reply, pitying her current state. But I won’t lie. It feels good to see this side of her. The side she isn’t allowed to show anyone at our school. Even if she’s only showing me under the pretense of our current condition, I still get to see it nonetheless. “I can be as optimistic as I want,”I think to myself, wanting to die even more now than ever, “It won’t change the truth.”

“It’s partially Hina’s fault,” Rui says softly, “For letting her guard down in this kind of state.” Before I can reply she’s already closed the door, presumably tucking her elder sister in bed. Oh, the irony. 

“So I was seen…”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, I showed you an ugly sight,” I hear Teach’s voice call out from the endless expanse of nothingness. That’s a shame, I just wanted to be alone. 

I whip my head around to face the inevitable. “There’s no need to apologize I’m the o-” I’m met with an angry Rui towering over me. I bet I look pretty pathetic right now, huh?

“Do you get horny for any woman?! What a jackass horndog.” 

I can practically see the disgust in her voice. I know, I deserve it. I( did something reprehensible. But even still that accusation is just wrong. “Woah,” I say, trying to alert her that she was way off the mark. But my flimsy defense was interrupted by the gentle echo of Teach’s voice to my side. Condemn me Teach. I don’t deserve you. 

“Aki told me...you’ve been trying to rape me while I was sleeping?” Huh? These are getting way out of control. Is that really how my dad saw it? More importantly, how does dad even know? Was it Rui?

 “D-don’t get it wrong!! I wasn’t trying to rape you! I was just...you know-” 

“Shut the hell up.” Rui’s words echo through my subconscious. I guess she has a point, I have no right to a defense. What the hell? Why are Rui and Teach in bath towels all of a sudden? They weren’t a moment ago.

“How disgusting,” Teach chimes in as they both rip their towels off, exposing their bare bodies. “How can we ever take a bath in peace knowing there's a lowly guy like you around?” Teach presses her body against Rui’s and scowls. “Sorry but...we have to stop living here!”

“We’re moving out,” Rui states as they float towards the sky. I cover my eyes to try to preserve any shred of decency I have left in me.

“Goodbye Natsuo,” Hina adds, floating hand in hand with Rui.

“W-wait a second!!” I shout and I shout but to no avail. It’s too late. They’re too far gone. “I said wait!”

My eyes spring open. I can feel the blood pumping through my deck as my breaths begin to become less and less labored. What the hell kind of a dream was that? Self-loathing maybe? “Was it a dream,” I think to myself, trying to collect my thoughts. “That was way too realistic. No, maybe it was a warning.” I check my phone for the time. It reads 8:02AM. A warm August morning. All was right in the world. All except me. “SHIT,” I scream, “HOW COME NOBODY WOKE ME UP!”

******

Class is as boring as usual. I walk into chemistry garnering glares and glances from everybody I pass. I check the blackboard for the agenda. Looks like it’s self study today. “No teacher today, huh? Maybe I’ll get some writing done today.” 

“Hi,” Yuuya says as I take my seat towards the back of the classroom. “It’s surprising you’re late for school Natsuo. By the way...that’s some messy hair you got.” his eyes focus towards the top of my head, currently a tangled, fluffy mound of hair. Frizzing and fraying in every direction. A brown fuzzy labyrinth from which there is no mistake. 

“I uh...ran out of time,” I mumble. It’s not a lie either. Since nobody woke me up I was only left with 15 minutes to get ready and leave for school. Taking care of this mess of hair already would take up around ten or so of those precious minutes.

“How earnest of you,” Yuuya teases, “I’d never go to school with such lousy hair.” 

 “Hey guys,” Kine exclaims, making a dash for our desks. “I just got a LINE message from Kuwano in class 2 during homeroom. He said that there’s a new transfer student in his class!”

“Really? guy or girl,” Yuuya inquires.

Kine’s eyes light up. “A girl! I heard she’s really pretty too!”

“Why are you guys getting so excited, it’s just a girl,” I think to myself. Though my heart’s already taken, no wonder I don't give a damn. 

Yuuya and Kine grab me by the shoulders and force me up out of my seat. “Let’s go check her out,” Yuuya enthusiastically suggests.

“But class is starting soon,” I try to rebut, though I know it’s ultimately pointless. Once those boys have their minds fixated on something it’s near impossible to divert their attention. 

“Oh c’mon, the teacher won’t even be here, we have self study! Just a look, you know?” The two drag me along to Mr. Takizawa’s room, three doors down. “Oh look, there’s a crowd!”

I peek inside the classroom to be met with a thrall of teenage girls huddled around a singular desk. “What’s going on?” One of the girl’s steps to the left, clearing the way for me to get a closer look. A tuft of blue hair is visible just over one of the girl’s shoulders. “It can’t be..” “Excuse me,” I say to nobody in particular, trying to wiggle my way for a better view. I see the tuft turn slightly and pause. A girl turns around, dejected, and allows for me a better view. We lock eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I’m met with the cold gaze of the devil. She holds my gaze for a couple seconds before excusing herself from her little entourage. I feel my heart loom heavy in my chest as she approaches me, never breaking eye contact, like a predator locked onto its prey. 

“What messy hair.”

“Shut up,” I shoot back. Seriously, she pisses me off sometimes. “Why bother coming over here just to say that?”

“I guess you forgot about your lunch then,” she begins. “Shit! They can’t know about us!” “Mom prepared one on the kitchen tab-” I quickly place my hand firmly over Rui’s mouth. I can feel her struggling beneath it, clearly caught off guard. I can say the same for my friend’s as well. Their stares say it all. 

“C-can we talk in private during break after first period…?”

The air is unusually clean today. I look around the courtyard and really take in the scenery. A singular tree stands among the bleak surrounding of the school’s white concrete walls. It’s funny how a splash of color can instantly lift one’s spirits. I inhale. “What am I gonna tell her?” 

My tranquility is short-lived as the little blue-haired devil comes marching towards the oak bench. “So you transferred here?”

“Didn’t I tell you? I wanted a shorter commute to school so I took the transfer test.”

I don’t know why my dad, hell even Tsukiko or Teach, kept me in the dark about this. I’d say it’s a pretty damn important detail to leave out! “I honestly didn’t hear about it,” I admit. I decide to skip the idle chit-chat and get to the matter at hand. “So...what do we do about us?”

“What?”

Why the hell is she so dense sometimes? “Ug, y’know,” I try to tumble the words out of my mouth, “Our circumstances and stuff. Like do we have to tell people or not, like..”

“Circumstances,” she interrupts. “Such as ‘we happened to have sex once and then the next second, we became siblings?’”

“Uh, no, that first part must stay top secret.” If I'm being honest, I’m more afraid of my close friend’s knowing. God do they love to spread gossip. I stand up and let out an exasperated sigh. “I mean that I don’t really think it’s necessary to tell people that we’re siblings, y’know? Even though our parents remarried, there could be some strange rumor if people found out we were living in the same house, right? It’d also be annoying when people ask us questions out of curiosity. Fortunately our last names haven’t changed yet.” I notice Rui giving me a strange look, as if she’s stifling a laugh. I wipe my face with my sleeve to make sure I don’t have something on my face. “Uh, what’s wrong?”

“Aren’t you going to fix your messy hair?”

“ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!”

“Yeah, yeah, why don’t you have it your way,” she says dismissively. “Don’t worry, I won’t rattle on about my family.” She waves her hand at me and leers at me from over her shoulder. “In short, you’re saying ‘don’t speak to me at school.’ Got it.”

“I-I didn’t mean it that way,” I shout, hoping my words catch up to her as she walks closer towards the doors. 

“That’s basically what you said.” She pauses at the door, still facing the opposite of me. “I didn’t really think I was going to depend on you anyway.” And with that snide little remark she disappeared into the halls. “God, what is with that girl?”

I don’t understand her. How can she change personalities on a dime, I don’t get it. Does she hate me or something? My mind wanders back to my little stunt with Teach last night. I choke back the lone tear that I feel welling up in my right eye, “I guess I can’t blame her if she hates me, huh?” I clench the sides of my white, school-issued button up when suddenly I’m tapped on the shoulder. I’m greeted with Kine and Yuuya, both with a look on their faces that scream “I’m going to kill you”

“Can we talk with you for a bit,” They say in unison. “We have something we’d like to ask you~” I can sense their bloodlust and slowly back away. But alas, it’s too late. Before I could make significant enough of a move, they have me in a headlock. “Didn’t you say that ‘nothing happened’ after you disappeared from the mixer,” Yuuya asks rhetorically, tightening his grip every second I go without answering. 

“But weren’t you just talking to her in a more-than-friendly way~ what happened Natsuooo,” Kine piggybacks.

I look dejectedly towards the ground. I think Yuuya notices as he eases his grip up a little. “Seriously, it’s nothing,” I mumble sharply. “Seems like she doesn’t care either…”

“I’m gonna go to the restroom,” I say without a second thought. I seriously need any bit of time I can get to clear my mind right now. My announcement was only met by a simple nod of Kine’s head, retreating his hands to his pockets.

“What was that all about?” The cold splash of the water trickles up to my wrist. I don’t know why Rui interpreted it that way? Was it something I said. No..she’s just a difficult person. That has to be it. I glance up to myself in the mirror and let out a slight chuckle at how unruly my hair still is. Like a twig bird’s nest perched on top of my scalp. I run a little water through it to no avail and walk back out into the hallway. 

Only a couple paces down the corridor and I feel a familiar, playful tug at my disorderly locks. “Wait a second,” Teach calls out, chipper as usual. “What’s wrong with your hair?!”

“T-teach…” I stammer nervously “I didn’t think you’d notice me with this.” I run my fingers through the tangled mess. I glance up and down Teach’s small but full body, trying not to linger too long on her chest. I’ve always found it amusing how Teach wears such a plain outfit to school, a brown wool sweater and a beige skirt that comes down no less than her knees. It’s such a stark contrast to her personality. 

“Ah! Don’t tell me you were late to school this morning?!” Teach covers her mouth in surprise. “I was worried when I left home~ I told Rui to wake you up this morning... but she always throws a half-assed ‘wake up’ whenever she does.”

“That Bitch!” I begin pulling furiously at the tangled locks, more stubborn than ever now that the water dried. “Other guys made fun of it so I’ve been trying to fix it...but it’s really...not…” I pull harder. Hard enough that I feel a sudden pain on my scalp as I reveal a lock of hair tucked in the palm of my hand. Teach stifles a laugh. “Working…”

Teach’s giggles are getting harder and harder to contain. She grabs my head and puts it to hers. “Eh~ Isn’t it okay the way it is? I think your plump hair is cute!” She begins shaking my head back and forth, smiling like a child in an amusement park. “She’s treating me like a kid again…” Suddenly, I get reminded of my talk with Rui. I should probably double check with Teach and make sure we’re on the same page. “Hopefully there won’t be another misunderstanding,” I think to myself with dread. A lump forms in my throat. 

“H-hey, by the way,”

“Hm?” Teach’s smile fades and a look of curiosity appears on her face. She’s so cute like this I don’t know if I can stand it. Her eyes are an emerald labyrinth. 

“I want to talk about how to behave at school. Did you tell anyone we became siblings?

“Huh? No.” She cocks her head to the right ever so slightly as she recalls. I catch a whiff of her perfume, flowery and airy. It’s so Teach. 

I let out a sigh of relief. “Ah, that’s good. You know, personally I feel there’s no need to announce it to the public.”

The gears seem to click in Teach’s head as her eyes light up and she places her index finger on her chin. “You’re right! It’d be troublesome if they suspected me of giving you test questions in secret or something. Okay, got it.”

“What the hell? How come she’s taking this so well, Rui bit my head off…” I study Teach for a split second. No signs of hostility at all. Why did Rui react the way she did if I wasn't being mean..? I decide to ask the burning question. “Hey...did I offend you?” 

“About what? Not at all?” The concern begins appearing in Teach’s brow. She looks helpless again. Her eyes. So defenseless, like a deer in headlights. Eyes. Helpless. Like Sleeping Beauty. Sleeping. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Shit! I turn red and take a couple steps back. “Uh...Uh T-Teach..”

“Hm?” She gets closer. 

“C-come to think of it...do you remember what happened last night?” I gulp. “Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god,” the anxiety builds, about to leap up from the back of my throat. “God what if she knows...Oh god. Wait, Natsuo, be realistic here. If she knew she wouldn’t be treating you this kindly. Wait...what if she’s just doing this because we’re at school?! What if inside she’s cursing my entire existence?!” 

W-what?1Teach reels back and covers her mouth with her hand. Her skin all of a sudden paler than death. “What?! What happened? Don’t tell me we did it?!”

“EHHHHHHH???? Why would she even think that?? Oh god does she think I’m that much of a monster??” I reel back even farther and struggle to get any cohesive words out. “D-d-did i-it?”

Teach’s face hardens to a stern glare. If looks could kill I’d be six feet under right now. “Oh god, she knows! She really knows! Teach I’m so sorry!!” “Don’t tell me,” she cups her hand around my ear and whispers. “For example...we kissed eachother…?” I ignore the tickle of her sweet breath and freeze in place. I can feel myself overheating. Sensory overload pervades me. 

“W-what?! No, you see…!”

Teach grabs me by the shoulders and starts shaking me, a look of desperation in her eyes. “DID WE???”

“AH! NO, NO, NO WAY,” I wave my hands back and forth frantically in front of me. “Although I did try!!”

“SO WE DIDN’T?!!!” Teach let’s me go and lets out a smile of relief. “Oh, thank god! I was told I kissed my girl friends when I was drunk the other day, so I was afraid I’d done it again.”

“So she was talking about that…?”

“I get so relaxed at home, I end up being shameless! I should not!” Teacher checks her watch and realizes that she’s got to get to her next class. “I’ll be careful,” she says, pivoting away, “But I’m sorry if I ever trouble you again! Please forgive me for that.” With a wave of her hand she’s gone and I’m the only one left in the hall. Alone with a heart working overtime with no pay. I put my hand to my nose, hoping it doesn’t bleed from the embarrassment. “Well, I want you to be shameless all the time…”

Huh. It’s already lunch. Time really flies when you’re on edge. I meet up with Kine and Yuuya and walk towards our usual spot. As we’re walking, I spot a splotch of blue in the corner of my eye. I glance behind me to see the top of a familiar girl’s head eating alone in one of the classrooms. A familiar girl with an unknown vendetta against me. “I wonder if it’s too late to mend fences.” I chuckle to myself a bit at that thought. “That is, if I don’t break another fence in the process.”

“Natsuo, what’s wrong?” Kine calls out, a solid 15 feet ahead of me. 

“Oh no, it’s nothing,” I say, praying that they’ll continue walking. Luckily they gave me just that reaction. I use this opportunity to slip away and talk to her. I casually walk towards her, trying to be as friendly as possible. As soon as she spots me she moves her food closer to me and glares, much to my disdain. “Have you been eating alone,” I scoff at her. 

“I can’t?” She closes her eyes dismissively. God if only I knew what her problem was with me all of this pointless hostility could be avoided. I thought we were chill after last night. I thought we came to an agreement. 

“I didn’t say that you can’t…”

“What do you want? Aren’t we supposed to be strangers to each other?

I wince at how melodramatic this girl can be and pull up a chair. “I mean, it’s okay to ‘be friends’ instead of ‘be strangers,’” I say as I bang my fist angrily to the desk. I feel a couple eyes dart towards me as I do so, but I don’t care. “More importantly,” I whisper, “There was a crowd of people around morning HR hour. Didn’t any of them ask you to eat together?

“The crowd thinned out after the second break.” Strange. She sounds almost disappointed. 

“What, were you looking for a fight or something?” Rui’s eyes glaze over as she looks down at her desk. 

    ----------------------------------

   “I’m Chika, nice to meet you!” A bubbly blonde says, her uniform’s necktie fluttering up and down as she bounces in place with excitement. 

   “I’m Sanae,” chimes in the taller, red-haired girl next to her, “You can call me ‘Sana.’”

   “Tachibana,” Chika interrupts, “Can we call you Rui?”

“That’s fine,” Rui replied flatly. She didn’t know what else to say except what she was thinking, after all it’s in her nature. “Call me whatever you want.”

The crowd around her got a little bit quieter, but they didn’t give up on this awkward, if not somewhat brash girl. “R-Rui,” an unknown black-haired girl calls out from inside the circle. “You’re so cute, I bet you were in popular in the school you went to~”

A blonde pigtailed girl leans in curiously, hands behind back. “Could it be you have a boyfriend?

“I wasn’t popular, and I do not. I’m not interested either.” 

A little hope was sucked from the group, but alas, these girls continue. The girls begin to pull out their phones, ready to employ the final tactic. She’s a teenage girl. There’s no way this plan will fail.

“Right,” Sana smiles, “Do you have an Instagram or use any other social media? If you have one, tell us your handle! Let’s be friends!!!!”

“I don’t have any. I think it’s a waste of time.”

Game over. Defeated, the girls go quiet. “O-okay then,” one of them says with a sorry smile, turning back to go to her desk.

             -------------------------------

“You were totally asking for a fight,” I yell, once again slamming my fist against the table. Once again garnering more concerned looks from students trying to peacefully eat their lunches. 

“I didn’t mean to,” she replies, fiddling with the eraser end of a pencil. She looks so sad like this. All this time she makes herself seem like she wants to be alone, but could it be that she really just wants friends like anyone else would? God this girl is nothing but confusion. If she wanted that then why wouldn’t she just let those girls know?!

“Haa? No matter how I look at it, the way you act would-”

“You haven’t fixed your hair yet.” I’m cut off mid-sentence as Rui bends down to rummage through her bag. I’m left perplexed as she pulls out a brush and hair spray. 

“Ahh...I sprayed water on it, but there’s nothing more I can-”

“Turn around.” I look at Rui as she stands up from her desk and begins to walk behind me. “Let me fix it.”

Huh? Wasn’t she furious at me just a couple hours ago? And now she’s offering to fix my hair? “Ah, okay…” I abide by her command and turn around as I feel a spritz of water hit my head. I wince as the hairbrush runs through my locks. “What the hell is with her today…? Did I fix things?”

“Ahh, I knew it,” Rui says, sounding pleased with her discovery. “It’s all tangled. Spraying water on this won’t do anything. Her taking care of me like this is so out of character for her. I feel like there’s got to be an ulterior motive here, but in the moment, I just want to enjoy it. I close my eyes as she continues to dismantle the matted monstrosity on top of my head. My mind wanders to the sad, almost regretful look on her face she had a few moments ago. “I didn’t mean to.” Those words ring through my head. I think back to when we first met, at the karaoke bar. How she took advantage of every moment to kill the mood. “Ah, I see. That’s what happened. This girl...has no bad intentions.” A smile to myself. Even someone like her can be cute, huh?

“It’s done.” Rui wanders back to her seat and puts the brush and bottle back in her beaten blue bookbag.

“Thanks…” I clench my fists, looking for the right things to say. I want her to have friends, and to be happy. I wonder… “Even though you don’t mean to...the way you speak provokes misunderstandings. You sound like ‘I don’t need something like friends. Why don’t you-” Rui looks down, clearly depressed. Except this time, I know it’s because of what I said. I’m hitting the mark. I feel a swell of sympathy from deep in my heart. She looks so fragile this way. When she’s not staring daggers, you really notice how soft and round her face is. Like a doll. She fiddles with her hands a bit. 

“It’s...always been this way. It’s so easy for Hina to get friendly with anybody in a short time. But when I tried copying her...I couldn’t do it well.”

She looks down once again, this time even more dejected. Almost as if she’s about to break. Choking back her tears. I want to wrap her in a hug but this isn’t the time or place. Plus she’d kill me if I tried. So I resort to the next best thing. “...It can’t be helped,” I stand up and look down on her, trying my best to appear as a brotherly figure. “I pity you so...let me put you under special training.” 

There’s an awkward silence as she stares deadpan at the display I’m making. When she opens her mouth, all she can muster is a displeased “Haa?”

“Stop ‘Haa’-ing too! It has to be ‘Eh?’ ‘Eh?’!! Whatever. In any words, we’ll practice how to answer. I’ll play ‘The classmate’ and speak to you, and you’ll answer me, okay? I’ll point out what’s wrong. Got it?” Rui looks up with those sparkling deep red eyes of hers and nods fiercely. I clasp my hands together and don my brightest smile. “Hey hey, Rui,” I say singasong, probably making more of a fool of myself than I need to. “What do you do on holidays~?”

Rui enthusiastically slams her small fists on the desk. “Haruna Ai!” 

“Ah..we aren;t playing a guessing game. I’m acting as your classmate!”

“Hm,” Rui ponders, “On holidays, I guess I read books more often than not.” 

I try my best to act how a girl my age would. I beam brighter and jump up in my seat energetically. “Heh~ What kind of books?”

“I’m afraid you would not know even if I told you.” The weight of her words crash down on me like an avalanche. I grit my teeth and begin yelling right in her face, our noses touching at the tips. “You shouldn’t cut off the conversation. You need to keep it going!” I bite my tongue to avoid saying anything vulgar. 

“I like ‘Smoke, Soil, and Sacrifices’ by Maijou Ohtaro.”

I try my best to come up with some possible responses. I really don’t think any girl her age could relate to reading that book. “So are you into the Violent Suspense genre? I know that book but…,” I massage my forehead, disappointed at my coming up empty handed. “Hm~ It seems like girls wouldn’t know what reaction to take, but well, don’t worry.” I stand up from my chair and outstretch my arms, once again donning that wide, plastic smile. “Anyway, you should exchange words with a smile on your face!” I try to get back into character. “I see~ I love writers such as Murakami Haruki, and I often read his work.”

Rui cringes and tries to force a smile to a corner of her lips regardless. If only her disapproval wasn’t so painfully obvious. “Ahh…those half-assed literary novels about a highly educated playboy agonizing over love…aren’t they masterpieces?”

“DON’T RELENTLESSLY DISS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE LIKE WITH A SMILE!” I turn and scoff at how socially unaware she can be. I have to keep reminding myself that she’s really not trying to be mean. If that wasn’t the case I think I’d lose it. “Hey you,” I turn to look at her once more, “No one will want to be friends with you unless you speak properly.”

“...I’m just telling the truth.” Rui hops on the defensive. This isn’t going to get anywhere, so why do I feel so determined?

“No one asked you to lie! You just need to mind your words! You see, try speaking in a way that pleases the other person.”

Rui’s face hardens again. Looks like I messed up. “Why do you say something only a Kyabakura customer would say?”

That’s the last straw. She isn’t trying at all! “WHO IN THE HELL DID YOU JUST CALL A KYABAKURA CUSTOMER?! IT WAS MEANT FOR YOUR SAKE!!! MORE IMPORTANTLY, THIS IS COMMUNICATIONS 101! IN THE FIRST PLACE, I’D NEVER TIP A HOSTESS LIKE YOU!”

Every eye in the room is focused on me. “Shit! I lost my temper..” “Then,” Rui says, her calmness juxtaposed by my outburst, “I’ll bring in Black Suits and have them beat the crap out of you.”

“WHAT…! THAT’S UNFAIR!!”

“Then, please pay up, Sir. ¥10,000

“¥10,000 JUST FOR CHATTING WITH YOU?! WHY DON’T YOU JUST SELL MY LIMBS?!”

“What? Are you slandering my club? Hey Black Suits, come over here~”

“DON’T CALL THEM…!!! NO! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I STARTED THIS TO HELP YOU MAKE FRIENDS IN THE FIRST PLA-”

My tantrum is interrupted by the entire class erupting with laughter. Yeah, that must have been some spectacle. I feel my face flush with embarrassment as I come to realize what I just did. “Huh…?”

“What’s with you Tachibana, you are quite good at reactions,” says a blonde pig-tailed girl in between snickers. 

“What was that, the short skit you just had? ‘Strip girl and her customer?’ It was so funny,” says another black haired girl, who’s even struggling to stand. 

“What were you practicing,” asks a bubbly blonde girl, her uniform’s necktie swaying back and forth as she struggles to catch her breath.

I stand there confused, not expecting this kind of reaction at all. “They...liked it?” I stumble through my words. “N-no. She said she wanted to make friends, so we were practicing how to talk.”

“Then, it somehow turned into a Kyabakura joke,” says a young man in glasses falling just past his eyes. 

“What~? So Rui just wanted to talk? We all thought you wanted to be by yourself,” the black-haired girl adds. She calls out to the crowd and rally’s them to join her. “Then let’s gather around everyone, because we also wanted to hang out with you”

Rui holds back the tears that are very obviously swelling beneath her glossy blood red eyes. “A-ah..not that I care,” she says weakly, playing with her cuticles to distract herself from the spotlight. 

“Ahaha! She still talks down like before,” I hear a girl call out as I exit the classroom, a relieved and compassionate smile anchored on my face. “I see~ That’s her personality. It’s hard to know~”

                     ******

“Tsukiko, have you heated the bath,” I call out as I take my shirt off. 

“Yeah, I have~”

I look at myself in the mirror and let out an exasperated sigh. So much has happened today I just want to unwind with a nice hot bath. “Well, In any case, I’m glad. It made me worried about her being alone, since she’s so blunt. Come to think of it, I wonder how she made friends at her old school. 

I slide open the bathroom door, ready to wash away my troubles with scalding hot water. I’m met with the naked body of the very girl I was just thinking about. Not that I haven’t seen her before. It doesn’t make me any less embarrassed however, as I immediately turn around and slam the door closed once again. “WOAH! I-I’m Sorry!”

“It’s okay,” she calls out from the other side of the door, “I don’t mind. You already saw it once.”

“No, no, no! That’s not the point…”

“Today,” she mumbles. Her voice lowered to barely above a hush. “Thank you for today. Thanks to you…” My eyes widen. I’m not used to hearing kind words from her. I feel like I’ve gotten somewhere with her today. The sadness in her voice pains me though, If only I could have known sooner.

“It’s okay,” I smile, understanding her pain. “Yeah..I-I’m really sorry. I’ll come back after you’re done taking a bath.”

“Why don’t you come in?

I turn around fast enough it should have given me whiplash. There’s no way I could have heard that right. “Me? Get in with her? After what happened that night how could she say that so casually?!” “What?”

There’s a pause for a moment. But that moment felt like an eternity, the tension heavier than lead. “I don’t mind...so come in for a second…”

Chapter 4

“Signs”

   “Come in...for a second,” She whispers. Though there’s a door between us, I can almost feel the warmth of her breaths over the heat of the bath. I turn slowly towards the door. 

   “What are you saying?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Doesn’t she know we’re..? I don’t know how much longer I can live under the same roof as her if things like this keep happening. 

“Haven’t you already taken off your clothes,” she asks, a little more persistent this time. I trace the rim of the bathroom sink with my finger. 

“Well...even if you say so…! Hey you, even though we’re now siblings, we’re..” I trail off slightly. “We’re what…?” Suddenly a realization springs to the forefront of my mind. I turn red, and not from the increasing temperature of the room we’re in. “D-don’t tell me...this is…” Suddenly the door slides open with a crash and I see Rui’s bare naked body once again, slightly covered in suds from the bath. 

“Actually, I thought it would be a one-time thing...but my body’s been so hot I can’t stand it anymore!” Rui carefully slides the bubbles off her breasts and walks closer to me. “Could it be...!?!” She spreads her legs, exposing everything. “I beg you,” she pleads with that doll-like look of hers, her eyes deeper than ever. “Can you please make love to me once more?!!” I can feel my body going numb, my vision slowly fading. Has she...become a slave to my sex?!”

I’m pulled back from my fantasy as I see her silhouette begin to sit on the side of the tub. The door’s too thin, I can see her outline perfectly. The orange glow of the bathroom light only accenting every curve that much more. I feel like I’m gonna pass out.  

“I’ve actually got some questions,” she says with concern. I breathe a sigh of simultaneous relief and disappointment at the fact that this isn’t some elaborate scheme to get it on with me again.

‘S-some questions,” I ask, trying to calm my heart down from my erotic daydream. 

“Last night…” My heart practically stops hearing those two words. “Shit! What does she know?? Was she just pretending she didn’t see me? Is she going to tell Teach? I guess I was going to have to come clean about this eventually.” A bead of sweat drops down on my foot. “You were with my sis in the living room. So…” I quickly wrap a towel around my lower half and slide open the door. 

“Okay.” I carefully shut the door behind me and immediately look away from Rui’s body. I sit on the stool near the shower head, facing away from her. I don’t think I can face her during this conversation. I don’t know how I’ll be able to face Teach either. “Wh-what now,” I ask, trying to get to the point as soon as possible.

I hear the water move around in the tub. “What was your intention when you were trying to kiss Hina” A silence lingers. “Do I tell her the truth? Wait...if I think carefully enough I might be able to get out of this without a hitch. Think!” I rack my brain trying to come up with an answer as Rui speaks once again. 

“When I saw it...I thought you were a ‘carefree guy going after any woman,’ and was fed up with you. But come to think of it, today...I thought maybe that wasn’t the case.” I swallow the lump in my throat, hoping for the best after that preface. “Could it be...you were trying to cheer her up?” 

I spin around, caught of guard that she literally just gave me an out for this. “Huh?” I realize that she’s still naked and I embarrassedly twist back around. 

“Didn’t Hina ask you for advice about her boyfriend?”

“Advice…?” I think of the time I saw her on the rooftop that one day. The one day...I screamed at her. Tears streaming down her face as she haphazardly tried to think of some lie to cover up the real reason behind her pai. All I know is that in all of my time of knowing her...I haven’t once seen her that vulnerable. That broken. “Ask me for advice…? Is Teach having some trouble?”

The mood in the air changes, as without even looking at her, I can feel Rui grow cold and distant once again. Did I say something wrong? Another bout of silence. I need to learn to cherish these rare moments of openness with her. “Don’t worry about it if she hasn’t told you. Forget I said anything.” Rui gets up from the tub and starts to stroll past me. Instinct overtakes reason and I turn around once again.

“Hey wait! What did you mean-” I whip my head around once again, realizing my error. She doesn’t stop for me, only closes the door with a slam. Leaving me alone with the warmth of the bath and the beating of my heart. “My god! How could I forget..so easily!”

                      ******

Breakfast feels awkward this morning. Rui is unusually, or should I say as usually, distant towards me. I ponder over what she said to me last night. “What could Teach possibly want advice for?” Speak of the devil and she arrives, as I hear her bedroom door open, followed by a cheering call. “Good morning~” Teaches rubs some of the leftover sleep in her eyes and takes a good whiff of what the table has to offer. “Ah, it’s miso soup with radish today, lucky~” I cock my head. “She seems so happy? What could be wrong?” Tears. Those tears on the rooftop were real. No matter how she seems on the outside, there’s definitely something going on that she’s not telling me about. I guess it’s not really my place though either. But still, I want to help Teach in any way I can! Teach smiles at me as she catches me staring. “Hm?” I quickly look down and take a bite of my soup. It’s good. Really good. 

“Hey, I’m announcing this to you for record’s sake.” Tsukiko chipperly commands the attention of the table by draping her arm around Dad. “We’re going to the city hall together today and turn in the marriage registration.”

The whole table erupts with smiles and congratulatory cheers. “You’ll finally be legally married,” Teach exclaims, accidentally spilling some soup on her black blouse, which she acknowledges with a pout. “Then that means today’s your wedding anniversary,” she continues, dabbing the wet spot dry with the cuff of her sleeve. “Congrats mom!”

Tsukiko begins taking some of the dishes off the table for washing. “So we’re considering just having dinner between the two of us on the way home tonight. Is it okay with you?” She looks across the table for approval. 

Teach stands up and starts darting her head back and forth between Rui and I with excitement. “Of course it’s okay~ Right?”

I nod my head with confidence. “Right!”

Rui stoically nods.

“Are you sure it’ll be fine with just the three of you,” Tsukiko again asks, this time a little more apprehensive. Perhaps at Teach’s over the top enthusiasm. 

Teach stands up and places her hand across her heart and dons a confident grin. “I said It’s okay because there is an adult among us!”

Tsukiko lets out a skeptical laugh. “Won’t you just get tipsy,” she says, nudging her daughter's arm. 

“I’ll drink with restraint,” Teach cries out in protest. “Okay then,” She turns to us with a wink. “I’ll fix dinner for you two tonight!”

“That worries me,” her mother retorts, rinsing a used soup bowl. 

“You are so mean!”

I laugh a bit to myself. It seems like a real family again. It’s not nearly as lonely a morning when they're around. Tsukiko truly is amazing for my father. “Rui, how about helping your sister,” she says, being met with another silent confirming nod. 

“Handmade cooking by Teach, huh..?” My mind lingers on that thought a little longer than it should. 

                      ******

“It’s done, help yourself!” Teach proudly displays a vast assortment of delicious looking foods in front of Rui and I. A decadent array of salads, shrimps, soups, cheeses, and pâtés, with tiramisu in the middle of it all. “Here! Help yourselves!!!” I can’t do anything but stare in amazement at her culinary skills. “This is even better than I imagined,” I think to myself, trying to keep from salivating. 

“So much,” I gawk. “Huh? Teach, did you cook all of these dishes?”

“Rui and I did it together,” She sings while piling up my plate for me. “Alright then, bon appétit!”

I comply, turning a piece of shrimp on my chopsticks before chomping down on it. I’m immediately sent to another world as I do. A Nirvana of flavor. All five flavors work together in perfect harmony in my mouth. “It’s seriously delicious!” I can’t help but cry out in ecstasy. “Your cooking is at a pro level! Seems you’re good at just anything!”

“Actually,” Teach interrupts, “Rui was the one who made that.”

I glance at Rui, who’s looking away to avoid the embarrassment. “Ah,” I sigh. “I’m sorry.” I look around the table still noting the estimated dozen foods I haven’t tried. “Then, what did you make, Teach?”

Teach dons a confident smile and proudly points at a few of the food items. “Let’s see..” She points at a bowl of green soybeans, “This!” Next she goes for a block of refrigerated tofu. “This!” Finally, she focuses my attention on a plate of sliced tomatoes. “And that!” I force a pitiful smile “Can you really call that cooking…?” 

“I can’t trust Hina with flavoring or else she’d end up delivering hazardous food,” Rui chimes in, causing Teach to cry.

“Rui, you’re mean…” Teach sniffles a bit and wipes her face with her oversized sleeve. She turns towards me once again. “Are you disappointed..?” “That damn pouty face! I’m defenseless! There’s only one way for me to save this situation…” I decide to make a mad dash for the obvious outliers of the table, stuffing each into my mouth without mercy. 

“N-no not at all! These soybeans are simmered so perfectly! Also I love how thick the tomatoes are!!!”

“How kind of you Natsuo, you’re like an angel.” She’s crying again. 

I examine the last piece of tomato before it enters my mouth. “It’s not sliced properly. Well...I guess you can say that’s what Teach is like.”

I don’t know why the dishes are so abnormally difficult tonight. Maybe it’s because I’m still recovering from the fact that Teach couldn’t cook to save her life. I chuckle a bit to myself as I scrub away at the dirtied china. “Sorry that I made you clean up,” Teach calls out from the table, pouring herself a glass of wine. “Did I steal time away from you writing your novel?”

“No...you took the trouble of cooking yourself..” I trail off, remembering that it was a two man operation. “Huh? Come to think of it, where is she?”

“Rui? I guess she’s reading a book in her room. She usually goes back to her room after dinner.” Teach frowns and slams her glass to the table, already a little tipsy. “It makes me a little lonely as her sister.”

“Isn’t she leaving you because you get drunk too fast,” I laugh. 

“Ah,” Teach points at me sternly. “You’re talking too politely! Too formal!”

“Ah,” I cover my mouth. “I- I am sor-” I correct myself, trying to sound more informal. “I got it wrong, my bad.” 

Teach starts to giggle carelessly. That sound makes me feel so warm inside. “Things happened all of a sudden, so I know it’s hard to change right now. It’s okay as long as you get used to the new life slowly.” Teach straightens herself up from her little fit of laughter and stares directly in my eyes, her smile not once leaving her face. “But we’re a family now...When you have trouble, feel free to talk to me about anything.”

I look down towards the gray hardwood floor, hearing it’s creak as I anxiously shift my weight. I want to ask her about what Rui said in the bath yesterday, but is it really my place? I continue my dishes while she polishes off a bottle. “I’m sorry if I’m asking a needless question…” Teach looks up curiously and I decide it’s too late to turn back. “Are you...having trouble with your boyfriend?”

I see the color begin to leave Teach’s face. Regardless of my urge to say sorry, I await an answer. She circles the rim of her wineglass for what feels like an eternity. “Did Rui say something to you…?”

“N-no,” I deny. 

“I’m not really...inclined to talk about it, you know?” Teach looks down towards the left and gives a pathetic smile. Looks like Rui was on the nose, something is definitely going on. 

“I-I’m sorry,” I desperately plead, hoping that she forgives me for the intrusion. Instead she slams her glass once again and takes a deep breath.

“Enough about my life! Natsuo, don’t you have any worries? Why don’t you let it out on this sis of yours.”

“Huh..worries?” I frantically move around the kitchen, having been caught quite off-guard by that question. “Well, erm..worries..” Teach’s stare is only growing more and more intense. “I’m worried about you Teach!!” I grab a strand of my hair and hold it outwards towards her. “I guess this is it. Naturally curly hair!” I twist the hair in my fingers a few times. You saw the ruffle the other day, didn’t you? It’s a hassle every morning.”

Teach bolts up from out of her chair. “What?! Do you have a complex with it?! I don’t think you need to worry about it at all!” Teach begins walking towards me. “Rather,” she grabs my face, the oppressing stench of red wine overtaking my nose. “You looked good with the ruffled hair!” It almost made me envious…” She leans in, only inches away from my lips. “...of this fluffy hair.” I try not to look down. I can see down into her bra, how does she not realize this. I squint my eyes shut with embarrassment. 

She pulls away and grabs a lock of her own hair. A perfect shade of brown that runs all the way down her back and caresses her hips. “My hair is totally straight-cat hair. No sense of volume…” She extends her hair further out words, becoming for me to feel. “Look, look, why don’t you try touching it?”

I reluctantly comply, feeling the soft lock between my fingers. I feel the almost insatiable urge to nuzzle my face in there. It would be so peaceful. Just the two of us. Lying down in a satin-sheeted bed. Not a care in the world, only being focused on the moment. On each other. “Woah! So brisk…” I bathe the smell of her floral shampoo. My daydream is broken when all of a sudden I feel a playful tickle on my cheek. I focus back in on the present and see that Teach has begun to rub her hair on my face, all the while donning a sly grin. I jump back, playing right into Teach’s hands. She has to put her hand over her mouth to contain her fit of laughter. “Hey! That tickled,” I exclaim, trying not to turn too red. 

“Your guard was down,” she winks. “You were just inviting tricks!”

I begin to laugh as well. “What’s with that?!” Teach takes a couple steps back, her laughter only intensifying. 

“It was a lesson to keep your guard up I’d sa- AH!” Teach’s foot staggers behind her as she tries to keep her balance. Without hesitation, my instinct kicks in. I lunge out and grab Teach by the waist, saving her just before she toppled over. She wraps her hand around my neck to support herself. I can feel her heart beat fast. Her labored breaths gently gracing my skin. Our lips, only inches apart. A silence lingers between us. Her eyes glint a wanting shade of green, if only for a brief moment. Maybe this is my chance. 

“Th-that was dangerous,” I whisper, trying to cling on to any shred of tension the air might still have. 

“I’m...sorry…” More silence. I brush a stray strand of hair from Teach’s eyes and trace my hand up her back ever-so-slightly, just barely missing her bra-strap. I lean in an inch closer, our shallow breaths mixing in the air.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!

The mood was murdered as we both turn our heads towards the noise. Teach’s cell phone vibrates across the table as it rings again. Then a third time. With an awkward laugh she breaks from my grip, heading towards her phone. She glances at the caller ID for a few seconds before turning to me with a worried expression on her face. She picks up the phone and answers it, walking towards the opposite side of the room. I managed to spy the name of the caller as she picked it up. Shuu Hagiwara. 

“...Hello,” Teach answers. “Yeah...huh? Yeah...yeah.” Teach uncomfortably shifts. There’s something going on. “...Right..now?” I hear the break in her voice as she says it. Simultaneously noticeable but overwhelmingly present. “Okay..” Teach turns toward me, a ghost of the person she was just a moment ago. The color all but flushed from her skin. “Then...I’m leaving for a moment.” An expressionless Teach moves robotically towards the front door.

“Eh? At this hour,” I protest, trying to stop her from going outside. I don’t know what that call was about but certainly something about it made her uncomfortable. I don’t even want to know what monster would do that. Regardless, she ignores my badgering as she puts on her purple fleece coat. “You know, it’s dangerous!”

“It’s okay,” she gives me a weak smile, seemingly to reassure me that it’ll be okay. “I won’t be going far.” She opens the door, the cool 10:00 wind hitting my face. “Natsuo, stay in the house, will you?” And with that she shuts the door, leaving me alone to drown in my concern. 

I check my phone. 10:59. “It’s already been about 20 minutes…maybe I should go fetch her. Just in case.” Just as I’m about to make my way to go find her, the door swings open and Teach hurriedly shuts it behind her. “I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!” I catch the ghost of a tear in the corner of her eye. “What the hell happened? I fucking knew she shouldn’t have gone out there. Who in their right mind would ever be stupid enough to hurt her.” I recall the name I caught on the caller ID. “Shuu Hagiwara. You’re going to be sorry.” She locks the door as I call out in concern.

“TEACH?! WHAT’S WRONG?! WHAT HAPPENED?!!” 

“It’s okay.” She gives me the same smile she gave on the rooftop that one day. The first time I’ve ever seen Teach in that sorry of a state. And now everything is crumbling down again. And this time she better not hide it. If not for me, Natsuo, than for her little brother. “It wasn't anything...it’s okay.”

I grab Teach by her shoulders, her smile fading just as quickly as it appeared. “...No way it’s okay! You look pale…” Teach doesn’t even fight it anymore. I feel something wet hit my shoe. She looks so dead but so broken. I feel her fear as her body tries to fight, completely breaking down on the spot. “And your shoulders are shaking t-” 

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGDONNNNNNNNNNG

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

My eyes dart between the door and the phone Teach is holding in a vice grip. Shuu Hagiwara. I bite my tongue as I feel the anger begin to rise from deep within my gut. Teach doesn’t move an inch. I’m completely frozen. What would be best for her? “I don’t know what to do. I want to help teach...but I don’t know how!”

Chapter 5

“Who Is The Real You?”

My hand starts for the lock, only to be interrupted by Teach’s gentle grasp. “Don’t worry,” she says weakly. Not once looking up from the ground. Her emotionless expression has softened into a depression. “It’s okay. You don’t need to go.”

“But-”

“What’s the matter,” Rui asks from the end of the foyer. “Why aren’t you answering the door?” Rui ignores the fact that I’m basically holding her sister and proceeds to the door. 

“NO, WELL..” I struggle to come up with a way to explain this to Rui. Should I even explain this to her? I shake my head trying to decide, but it’s already too late. I hear the click of the lock as Teach steps aside. 

“WE’RE HOME!!!!” A drunken dad and Tsukiko practically topple over each other as they make their way through the door. I completely forgot about them being out of the house! 

“D-dad?!” My adrenaline is still pumping fast. I can feel my heart become heavier and heavier. I glance over at Teach who’s trying her best to put herself back together. This is her parent’s time now, she shouldn’t bring her problems into this. I bet that’s what she’s thinking right now. She is almost selfishly selfless. 

“My bad~ We’re late right?” Dad clumsily takes his shoes off in the middle of the hall and holds up a white gift bag with “arpeggio” embossed in gold across the middle. “But why didn’t you answer the door quickly? We even brought gifts,” he says with a puff. 

I nervously scratch the back of my neck “Well...I was mistaken..”

“Mistaken,” asks Tsukiko? “Did the three of you make sure to have dinner?”

Teach moves the hair out of her face, that helpless look never once leaving her glossy emerald eyes. “Ah..yeah..”

“Well it doesn’t matter,” calls my father from the kitchen. “Why don’t we eat my gift first! It's a special cheesecake from the restaurant and it was very delicious!” Everyone obliges and follows him to partake in his gift. 

“Sorry,” whispers Teach as she hurries past me. Leaving me and Rui to exchange a single glance before following along.

I toss in my bed as I can’t get the Teach’s trembling voice out of my head. “I don’t care anymore!” I bury my face in my pillow. This has to have something to do with what Rui told me. Shuu Hagiwara. Is that her boyfriend then? God I just feel so powerless. I just want to be there for her. It’s not even about me anymore, I just want her to be happy. She doesn’t deserve the way this dirtbag is seemingly treating her. He doesn’t deserve her. 

What do I know, I’m just a kid, remember? 

                     ******

I open L'Amant’s front door and am greeted with the aroma of familiarity. Funny how my home away from home is some old coffee shop. But I don’t know what I’d do without it. Fumiya and I used to come here when his mom still gave him an allowance. Oh, how times were much simpler back then. I glance around and feel relieved that nothing has changed. “Good afternoon,” I say with a smile. And I truly mean it. I feel refreshed, it’s been too long since I’ve been here. 

“Oh,” Fumiya says trying not to drop the dishes he’s holding

“It’s Natsuo~” Says the only other waitress at the shop. 

“Hey Natsuo, good afternoon,” spouts the tall transvestite barista, his curly black front ponytail almost touching his lips this time. 

I give a cheerful wave. “What’s up Fumiya? Kobayashi, Ayano, good afternoon.”

“Geez,” Kobayashi pouts. “Haven’t I always told you to call me Marie? ‘Marieee~’!!!” 

I give a rueful grin at the ticked off Barista. “Masaki Kobayashi, good afternoon,” I say in the most mockingly monotone way I can think up. 

“You damned brat,” he replies, annoyed. I laugh as I take a seat. Everything is just as I remember it, though I was here only two weeks ago. Still, L’Amant is the only consistency I have in my life at this point. I take in the scenery. Pudgy little Fumiya running around table to table collecting used plates with a smile. Lanky and beautiful waitress Ayano, taking orders and nodding her heads. Pausing only to move the thick blonde hair that falls into her face here and there. Kobayashi, the owner of L'Amant, fixes me my usual from behind the counter. A Latte Espresso with extra foam. He takes a sip from his own cappuccino, a bit of milk foam getting caught on his wispy mustache. He licks his lips while smiling, staring right in my eyes. He’s always been the provocative type. His personality is rather clumsy, but behind the counter he’s anything but. His hands deftly move between all kinds of machines, shooting my cup with an assortment of coffees and additions. Clad in a typical brown waiter’s button up shirt and bowtie, the same getup as everyone in L’Amant. The only difference is his extra short trousers, and the leggings that cover his legs from underneath them. 

“What’s up, did something happen,” Fumiya asks as he returns some plates and a cup to the sink. 

I shift around in my seat, thinking about the whole situation with Teach from yesterday. “N-no...I wouldn’t call it ‘something…’”

“Hey,” he turns to me, “I’m fed up with this habit of yours so please knock it off. Wait here and read a book or something until my shift is over alright?”

I nod and sip on my Latte, motioning for him to get back to work. “I’ve been meaning to catch up on some reading anyway.” I pull out a thick green-covered book from my bag and open up to where I last placed my bookmark. Inferno Dreams By You Hasukawa. A tragic story about a pair of lovers dying and being cast to Hell together. Separated by an eternity of flames, they each make a pact with a devil and forge a plan to slay Lucifer himself. I open the book and am immediately immersed in the intense, burning imagery. It’s only a matter of time before I’m completely zoned out. 

I’m pulled from the depths of hell by Fumiya taking a seat next to me, his own cup of java in hand. “So? What happened this time? Well I guess I could imagine. It’s about your teacher or little sister, right?”

I give a weak nod. “Look, yesterday...Teach was called out by her boyfriend, and she came back in pieces as if they’d had some issue. It reminds me of her crying alone on the rooftop the other day. Their relationship is bumpy.. I guess. But it would be strange for me to meddle in the middle of their business. It just makes me anxious.”

Kobayashi overhears and tries his best to force his way into the conversation. “What’s going on? Stealing a girlfriend? You should give her a big slap, a deep hug, and a kiss; get her by surprise.”

“Sorry, but I don’t want to hear useless advice,” I shoot back.

“What’s wrong with them,” he mumbles as he walks away to busy himself in the back. “Aren’t they supposed to listen to an adult’s opinion?

“Well,” Fumiya starts as he cleans his glasses with the cuff of his sweater. “I think you were anxious because...in short, you were jealous. You felt the presence of another man close to her, and you got jealous.”

“Jealous?” I don’t think that could be it. If it was simple jealousy there’s no way it could feel this strong, right? Right?

“Yeah. I’ve been fighting such anxiety on a daily basis.”

“WHAT,” I yell, prompting Ayano to give me a polite shush. “Fumiya, do you like someone?!”

He pushes his glasses farther up on his nose and straightens himself out. “For example! A very hot OL having an affair, who visited the bar yesterday!!!”

“You have a crush on a customer,” I interject

“The beautiful newly married wife who stopped by to talk to the owner about domestic violence,” he continues.

“A married woman too?!!”

Fumiya grits his teeth and clenches his fist. “I wish they’d all...BREAK UP AND GO OUT WITH ME,” he growls, almost tipping over his coffee cup. 

“Look,” I pat him on the back, trying to put the beast back in his cage. “Have you even talked to any of them”

“Nope. I just overheard them.”

I play with the straw in my Latte, collecting and consequently destroying the little foam that lays dormant at the bottom of the now empty cup. “Like what?”

“Ahh. The OL in the affair, with downcast eyes, cut in on her lover like this.” Fumiya links his hands together and adopts a stern expression. “What on earth...should we do now…,” he says, doing his best impression of a depressed mistress. I find it too hard to resist not joining in on the charade. 

I look to the side and make myself look as dodgy as I can. “I’m going to divorce my wife. But I can’t do it right now…”

A deep, hearty laugh emerges from Fumiya’s large gut. “BINGO! How did you know,” he points at me

“It’s a cliché, man! Huh, so people actually say that.”

“You’ve always been talking big…! But you don’t have any plans for me, do you,” Fumiya demands, eager to continue the act.

I force a bead of sweat to fall down my brow. “That...isn’t true,” I hesitate. 

Fumiya grabs my arm and begins to cry, “Then, when in god’s name can we start living together?!!”

I refuse to make eye contact with my distraught lover, only distancing myself further from the truth. “W-well…”

All of a sudden, Kobayashi jumps into the fray, wearing an old wig that he’s probably had for some number of years. The hair is already starting to split in places. What is it doing in L’Amant? I have no clue. “HEY, HONEY!!! WHO THE HELL’S THAT WOMAN?!!!”

“Woah, I didn’t expect his wife to burst in here,” Fumiya chuckles, poking at Kobayashi’s belly. 

“Huh?! Did that happen,” I ask Fumya, genuinely curious

“No, it didn’t!”

Kobayashi walks up to Fumiya and grabs him by the cheeks, gradually stretching them out. “WHY ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH MY HUSBAND, YOU THIEVING CAT?!!!”

Fumiya tries his best to escape the owner’s grip, but to no avail. All he can do is try and pull away. “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, YOU ROTTEN MONKEY?!!! HE IS ALREADY MINE!!!”

I decide to try to get in between them to break up the fight but I’m shut out by Kobayashi’s sheer size. He towers over me by a good 8 inches. “The two of you, stop now,” I command with no result. “Please don’t fight over me!”

“I didn’t see it coming when Kobayashi jumped in like that” I remark to Fumiya as we walk down the busy street of Miyako. The air is crisp, gently nibbling at all of my senses. Fumiya snickers. This is just like walking home from school when we were kids. Back when we were in the same school, and we used to go to Oba’s house for juice and snacks while I waited for my dad to get home from work. Back when times were simpler. I put my hands in my pockets and exhale. “But...I’m feeling a little better, after all. Thanks.”

“Well,” Fumiya puts his hand on my shoulder, “Whenever you feel anxious next time, come visit me for another episode of my jealousy.” We both share a laugh and a fist bump and continue taking in the fresh air. “Ah,” Fumiya grabs me by the sleeve and points at a nearby woman getting out of her car. “Hey! Speak of the devil, and she’s here! Over there, it’s the OL mistress I talked about!!”

No. I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming. This can’t be real. No way. Right? Right?! I watch as Teach begins walking down the still crowded street. 

“What’s wrong,” Fumiya asks, realizing I’ve completely shut down. I can’t find the strength to answer him. “There’s no way Teach can be having an affair.. it’s just not possible. Fumiya just mistook her for someone else, that’s the issue here.” My hands begin to shake. “Hey, wait,” Fumiya comes to the realization. “Don’t tell me-!!”

Woah...what the hell is this feeling...that the pieces are forming an awful picture.

“Think, Natsuo. Is this really what’s going on here? There’s probably a misunderstanding. There’s no way she’d agree to having an affair, not with the way he treats her. It would just mean more risk on her end. I can’t find any plausible reason why she’d even consider anything like this. Yeah. Exactly. Fumiya just mistook her. Thank god. But still…”

I lightly rap upon Teach’s door. I can feel the vibrations pulse their way up every inch of my skin. I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it just moves straight down to the center of my chest. But it’s too late to turn back.

“Yeah,” Teach calls out from inside her room. I can hear her footsteps moving towards the door. Not heavy. Not weighed down. Like she’s carrying nothing on her conscience. I feel a sense of relief flush over me. She opens the door and gives me a genuine smile. “Natsuo!”

“I’m sorry, may I have a moment?”

“Yeah sure,” she says, pointing for me to have a seat on her bed while she straightens up the tests she was in the middle of grading. “Have a seat on the b-”

“Teach,” I clutch my white button up shirt as hard as I possibly can. “You aren’t having an affair, right?”

Silence permeates every nook and cranny of the room. My anxiety is building, I’d kill for one of Fumiya’s little “episodes” right now. After a while, Teach smiles quizzically. “Eh? What? What are you talking about all of a sudden?”

This is good. She’s denying it. I have no choice but to take her at her word, right? What business do I have pressing any further? I should just walk out right now and everything will be okay. “A friend of mine said he’d seen you, Teach. That you were with an adulterer.”

Teach nervously pays with the collar of her blouse. “.....what is with you? I was just spending time with my boyfriend. You can’t call it an affair with just that…”

“‘I’m going to divorce my wife. But I can’t do it right now…’”

Teach’s eyes widen to the size of golf balls. I hit the mark. No. No. No. No. No. This isn’t happening. Teach...why…? I stand my ground, awaiting confirmation of the inevitable. Teach’s demeanor suddenly changes and she gives me a dismissive smile.

“So?”

“Hah..?” I grip Teach’s arms tightly. “‘SO?’ SO IT WAS AS I THOUGHT?!!!!” Teach says absolutely nothing, only stares me dead in the eyes, her eyes gradually growing colder. This isn’t the Teach I know. “PLEASE ANSWER!!!” I grab her even tighter. “SO THIS IS WHAT YOU MEANT BY ‘ADULTS HAVE THEIR OWN CIRCUMSTANCES’?!!!” I look desperately into Teach’s eyes as she puts her hand on mine and ushers me off. 

“It is.” Her eyes are glazed and distant. Like she’s severing any emotional attachment she might have had with me right here at this very moment. “It’s a world of adults that children should not...step foot in.” I hold back the tears. It can’t end like this. Not a chance in hell. “Now, you’re satisfied, aren’t you?” Teach begins to push me out of her room, but I resist with everything in me. I’m sick and tired of waiting.

“WAIT…” She pushes even harder. I’m almost at the door. “Stop right there.” 

“It’s got nothing to do with you, Natsuo!” The anger in her voice is beginning to turn into pain. I have to do this. With this, I’ll give her what she needs. I’m not going to stand for this anymore. “Don’t mess with my business anymo-”

I push her against the wall and kiss her deeply. Her tongue tastes sweeter than I could have imagined. She returns with a kiss even deeper than mine, before ripping away from me and slapping me. Hard. I stand there in silence, ashamed but not sorry about what I did. I need to get her out of this affair. No matter what. I rub my cheek with my hand, flinching at the sting.

“I’m sorry...but I-”

Teach grabs me by the collar and shoves her tongue down my throat. I close my eyes and return once again. Her warm gasps for air only agitate my still burning cheek. I catch a whiff of her perfume. It’s so gentle. A complete contrast to the passion I feel when she’s gripping on my waist so tightly. “T-teach…” I moan, in between kisses. I trace my hand up her hips before she pushes me onto the bed. A trail of saliva still connects us. She begins to unbutton my shirt. One by one. I can feel my body getting warmer...am I really..? This must be a fever dream, but even a fever can’t burn hotter than my heart right now. She stands over me, eyes still glazed over. She was so passionate...but something is really off. Really off...