Raju Ganapathy

Comedy Drama

4.0  

Raju Ganapathy

Comedy Drama

To Meet Or Not To Meat

To Meet Or Not To Meat

5 mins
204


“We can’t beef up the security here” shouted Major John Abraham from the western frontier into the phone. “why not”? angrily retorted Brigadier Ram. “Shortage of beef supply, Sir, however, we can pork it up!” “Not a bad idea” agreed Brigadier Ram considering the enemy’s taboo of the pork and asked the Major to go ahead.

“We can’t do the same on the Eastern frontier,” said the General as the enemy here eats up anything on four legs or more. Brigadier Ram said “one cannot mix up religion and politics. The result is that defense cannot be beefed up.”


Back at Bangalore, Brigadier’s wife Sitha was in conversation with Susan wife of Major John Abraham. “We were thinking of a Goan holiday but now in a dilemma to Goan or not to Goan.” “Why not?” asked Susan. “Our host Lt. Col Pramod has declared a shortage of beef, without the meat how can we all meet!” Sighed Sitha. Susan said that “Dr. Ambedkar, our military physician was of the view that beef eating is good for the constitution.” Sitharam who had learned history but weak in economics said that the other Dr. Ambedkar, father of Indian Constitution argued that Brahmins who once had no compunctions against the slaughter of animals, including cows, and were the greatest beef-eaters themselves, not only gave up beef-eating but also started worshipping the cow as a deliberate strategy to counter Buddhism. Susan chucked “blame it on Buddha for our beefy problems” and they both had a good laugh. 

The mixing up of religion and politics was becoming a meatier issue day by day. Captain Vijayan from Kerala had heartily welcomed all the tourists who were feeling a bit annoyed that their holidays were not going meatier. He said “Kerala, God’s own country welcomes one and all. You can meet here have your meat (beef and pork) too.” Lt Col Pramod was miffed that the tourist crowd preferred the southern-most destination and he had a practical problem. He had a host of complaints to attend from the hotels, tour operators, and others from all walks. If tourist season goes bust what else of Goa then everyone wondered.


As the farmers’ agitation had no sign of withering, other farmers too threatened to join the strike on the issue of bovine slaughter. They threatened to release the unproductive cattle on the highways to block them. Critiques of the cattle slaughter ban said in a democracy it can’t be “my way or high-way.”

When Major John Abraham came back to the head-quarter he was telling Brigadier Ram that he has had a change of mind and now he supports Manusmriti. Brigadier Ram got shocked hearing this. “Of all the persons, You John” he loudly exclaimed. “Sir,” said John, “Manu was clear that rulers should be from the Kshatriya caste who had no problem with meat-eating. Now we have Baniyas and non-Kshatriya and that too from Gujarat at the helm, we have bans against cattle slaughter.” Brigadier Ram got stunned by this argument. John continued “today in our country not eating beef is taken as a sign of patriotism or if you eat beef you become anti-national. That is why Sir” he continued “that Shudras won’t like to be called as Shudras” as one Sadvi had stated lest they be construed as anti-national and get slapped with sedition Act.


Talking of Shudras, at least the High Court, Madras had the gumption to speak for the SC/STs said, Brigadier Ram. “They observed that the fundamental right to life guaranteed under the Constitution includes the right to decent burial or cremation, the Madras High Court on Monday warned local residents against raising objections to the disposal of the bodies of those who had died due to COVID-19.” “Did Dr. Ambedkar include the right to eating beef too?” asked John. 

“That we will have to ask the Supreme Court” observed Brigadier Ram. However, he continued that unlike the High courts in Madras, Allahabad even Mumbai the SC in Delhi does not apply its mind. “Maybe, it has to do with air pollution” observed John. He added, “pollution leads to insufficient oxygen in the air and continued breathing of such polluted air leads to Oxygen deprivation in the brain, and as a result judgment is impaired.”

“Brilliant” exclaimed Brigadier. “Seriously the center should consider shifting the parliament and the SC to Bhopal in the central province. In such a situation even if one cannot beef up the defense, it is o.k, as it would become difficult for our enemies to indulge in the deep strike.” “with clean air better judgment will prevail all-round” agreed on Major John.

“Being Christmas lunch, Susan has made tapioca beef biriyani, and you and Sitha are invited for lunch” said, Major John. “Being from the Coorg we have no issues for meeting with you or eating meat with you” cheekily replied Brigadier Ram and they laughed together.


During lunch, Susan pointed out that UAE Fatwa Council approves of COVID-19 vaccines even with pork gelatin. The ruling follows growing alarm that the use of pork gelatin, a common vaccine ingredient, may hamper vaccination among Muslims who consider the consumption of pork products "haram", or forbidden under Islamic law. “?”Likewise, when beef is good for our constitution (also for the Indian one since it allows diverse values) why can’t our government remove the ban on cattle slaughter” asked Susan.

Sitha added that when Manu has not scripted any prohibition about any meat-eating, but it is an irony Smritis of today would neither like to meet with Shudras or eat meat like Shudras. I for one totally identify with Shudras.

“That was a good lunch and the conversation that took place was pun and food for thought” commented Brigadier Ram giving out a satisfactory burp.


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