The Staff Meeting

Malini Mishra had just finished her lecture on the element of nostalgia in Wordsworth's poetry when the peon entered with the notice. A staff meeting had been scheduled at 3pm in the college library. All the staff members were mandated to be present. Malini cursed under her breath. Friday was the only day when her classes were over by 12.30pm. After a long time she had planned a fun filled shopping spree with her friend and colleague Smita Menon. She had suggested lunch at Shangrila, famous for its Chinese cuisine. Now all plans for fun and enjoyment lay in dust. She dismissed her class and came out in an extremely foul mood.

Smita met her in the corridor with an identical expression on her face but seeing Malini 's expression her face broke into a smile.

'What's so funny ' queried Malini.

'Don't look so glum '.

' You are smiling ? Madam principal just killed our day.'

'Half day ' Smita corrected

'I think she does it deliberately. Do you think she has some uncanny powers to read our minds and play a spoil sport?

'I guess so.' Remarked Smita thoughtfully and started moving towards the staff room.

 In the staff room too a general mood of disgruntlement prevailed. Most of the lecturers had lighter Fridays and plans were laid out accordingly. Mrs Arora had a kitty party scheduled at 3pm which she was hosting. Karuna Garg's fiance was specially driving from Ambala to pick her up at 2 pm.They had plans for lunch and a movie thereafter. Mrs Yadav had an appointment with her dentist. Quite an upheaval the little notice had caused.

Interestingly, there was a happier lot too.The lecturers who had their classes in the eighth and ninth periods had a smug expression on their faces. Actually they had already informed their students about the meeting , meaning there by, not to be seen around the classrooms. E

' Why can't she schedule a meeting in the morning ? At least one is fresh and can contribute more constructive ideas.'

Mrs Sangvan opined. She was the departmental head of political science and a good friend of Miss Chandna the time table In charge. Due to her seniority, Mrs Sangvan had much lesser number of classes to teach and those too would mostly be over by 1 pm.

'Well who needs our ideas by the way?' Sarita Khanna opined. 'All ideas come from her highness and we humble minions are only expected to follow.'

'Mrs Singh ,what is the menu for snacks after the meeting?'Mrs kakkad inquired with a smile as wide as her girth.

Mrs Singh was the Home science lecturer, always in charge of refreshment

and food arrangements after functions.

' Yet to decide' Mrs singh replied rather curtly. Everybody disliked Mrs kakkad's shameless greed for free food and stingy nature . She hardly ever paid for a cup of tea .'Ek mere liye bhi please.' was her constant refrain whenever, anyone ordered tea or snacks in her presence. People sniggered and nick named her 'greedy goat.'

Malini asked, 'Mrs Sharma have you prepared the minutes of the last

meeting ? I've to give you the duty list for the Sports Day.

'Oh my God! I completely forgot. Actually today's meeting is rather unexpected.' Suddenly, Mrs Sharma's voice got soaked in honey. ' Malini please help me prepare the minutes. You know I need a little correction here and there.

My English you know. '

Now 'a little correction ' was quite an understatement.' Malini knew , as always she would have to rewrite the minutes completely for Mrs Sharma, a lecturer in sanskrit. But, she was a nice motherly lady.Quite senior, due to retire in a couple of years perhaps. So Malini heaved a sigh and replied ' Yeah sure, Mrs Sharma you give me the points. It will be done.' The relief on Mrs Sharma's face was almost palpable.

The bell rang, Yogita Wahi got up.I have

to go and check the seating arrangement.Yogita was a Mathematics lecturer. Seating arrangement from fifteen to fifteen hundred for any activity in college was her responsibility.

Rules were quite simple and clearly stated.

Finally, at 2.40pm all staff members started moving towards the college library- the venue for the staff meeting. The new Conference Hall was under construction and hence,most of the meetings were held in the library.

Sudha Malik the head librarian was grumbling and mumbling to her assistants, 'I am fed up of these meetings in the library. So much of disturbance. We have yet to finish cataloguing the new books. And what a mess these lecturers leave behind. So many food crumbs falling around- an open invitation to cockroaches.'

'Cockroaches! You have cockroaches in the library?' Miss Vinita overheard the word as she entered the library.

'Hoards of them and rats too.' The librarian replied.

'What rats too?' Vinita's expression was so miserable that everyone around started laughing.

Mrs Khanna the Chemistry lecturer suggested 'use Hit.It really works.The new product Hit glue is very effective. The pest eats it and dies. Think it works for rats too.'

'I think I should change my profession to that of a pest killer.' Sudha the librarian commented wryly.

'Hey ! Watch out this chair is shakey.' Ankita warned as Mrs Mehta was about to park her enormous bulk into a chair close by. But warning came a bit too late and chair gave way a bit too readily. One of the legs came out in protest. And the remaining three unable to hold Mrs Mehta's generous ' derriere '

toppled. Down went Mrs Mehta and up came the remaining three legs looking as dazed as the victim herself. Fortunately, two colleagues in close vicinity, reacted fast to break the fall and serious damage was averted. Huffing, puffing and cursing Mrs Mehta was helped into a safer seat. Still stifled laughter could be heard around. Even Mrs Mehta a jolly lady otherwise, started laughing.

' Is this a comedy show or staff meeting?' The library resounded with a booming voice. Mrs Janardan, the principal had just entered and stood there glaring at the staff members. Her eyes almost popped out of her high powered lenses. Everybody stood up and fell silent. The principal further commented,' lecturers giggling and behaving like silly school girls! Highly unbecoming behavior. '

As she moved towards her chair at the head of the table Mrs Sharma quickly got upto help her in her seat.

The principal acknowledged gruffly, 'minutes,' she demanded soon as she settled down.

'Yes madam', Mrs Sharma cleared her throat and started reading the minutes.

Once that was over, Mrs Janardan looked around making a visual count of the staff members present.Seemingly satisfied she commenced more amicably,' Well friends, we all know that ours is a premier women's institution well known for the high moral values we aim to inculcate in our students. We have a strict dress and behavioral code to be followed by our students. But, as we all know these are dangerous times. Moral standards are going down and an atmosphere of loose and inappropriate behavior is growing all around. The management is already worried and has advised to take suitable measures to safeguard our reputation. I invite suggestions from all of you to strengthen our position in this regard. I have also invited the hostel warden for this discussion.

' Miss Malini?' Malini sitting diagonally opposite to the principal was furiously doodling on the last page of of her attendance register. She failed to hear her name. The principal repeated sharply what are you doing Miss Malini?'

'Na- nothing ma'am just jotting down points.'

'Good, so what do you suggest?'

'Regarding what ma'am?'

'Regarding our agenda to day.'

Malini's mind was blank but she smiled confidently and declared, 'What you are saying is absolutely correct and we must try our level best to follow your suggestions in this regard.'

Malini must have sounded convincing because the principal shifted her attention to the vice principal Satvinder Kaur, sitting on her right. She was the head of Panjabi department, the senior most lecturer and a confirmed spinster. She was also the in charge of N S S in the college. She always wore a severe expression and was highly cynical. 'No excuse' and 'no use' were her favourite responses. Students were more scared of her than Mrs Janardan.

As expected, her response was quite bitter, when the Principal sought her opinion. She replied shaking her head, 'what to do Hawa hi kharab hai.(the very air is polluted.) The only way is to make very strict rules, punish the offender severely and humiliate her publically. I don't understand how do parents tolerate the obnoxious behavior of their daughters. Imagine girls wearing revealing dresses and moving around with boys and their parents do nothing about it.' Her face became contorted with disgust. 'I say such students should not be allowed to stay in our college.'

Mrs Sharma suggested, 'let us start a zero hour for spiritual discourse.'

'That's a good suggestion ' The principal nodded encouragingly.

'Miss Smita'

Smita busy checking what's app messages on her phone, suddenly jolted into attention, 'yes ma'am '

'What is your suggestion?'

Smita had no clue about anything but she promptly responded ,' I think you are right ma'am.' But this time Mrs Janardan was not fooled , 'Just look at this - a senior lecturer playing games on her mobile in an important staff meeting. Isn't it shameful?' As she looked around , many phones quickly sought refuge in various purses.

Suddenly Romita Basu jumped off her seat, pushing it back and shaking her sari vigorously.

'Now what is this? ' asked Mrs Janardan exasperatedly.

' Co co cockroache' fear writ large on Romita's face. Suddenly many chairs in her vicinity screeched back and many saries shook as vigorously. There was a chorus of where? Where? Romita pointed at the cockroach beating fast retreat behind a book rack.

Finally , peace returned. At that instant the hostel warden entered the library.

She was a frail lady, a divorcee who looked perennially distraught.

' Yes Mrs D'Souza?' The principal asked her curtly. Mrs Sharma vacated her seat so that the warden could sit down dumping her file and several papers on the table. Wiping her face she spoke, 'Madam this is about the two girls who returned late last night around 11pm.'

'At 11 pm? the principal snarled. 'Why wasn't I informed ? I live in the campus not outside.'

'Because they had permission letters signed by you, allowing them to come back late ,as they had to visit locals.'

'Permission letters signed by me?Show me the letters .

The warden placed two permission letters in front of the principal.

Principal scrutinized them checking her signatures and roared',These are not my signatures.Besides, I always sign hostel papers in green ink. Don't you know Mrs D'Souza ?

'Ye- yes Ma'am I admit a little oversight on my part, but signatures looked so authentic with proper stamp and all. Both Bhavana and Meeta, the girls in question said that they had to buy some books and collect some items from their local guardians. They promised to be back by 9.30 pm. In case they got late Bhavna' uncle was to drop them back.

'And then they came back at 11?'

'Yes ma'am. But there is something else, I want to report.' The warden added a little hesitatingly. The principal continued staring hard at her. 'The girls have admitted that the letters were not signed by you.'

'Oh!' The principal exhaled.

'I think Meeta got cold feet first and then Bhavna also. Because I realised this morning the difference of color used in the permission letters. As such, after learning about their late coming I had called them for questioning. And they also revealed the name of the person who forged your signatures. '

' Well done Mrs D'Souza .'

This was the first ever compliment received from the principal.

'Thank you ma'am. I actually wanted to meet you in the office but you were too busy and asked me to come to the staff meeting.' The warden said as if apologizing.

'Who is the girl?'The principal asked severely.

'She is a final year student.' The warden said timidly.

'Name Mrs D'Souza the name of the

girl.'

' Yes ma'am ' the warden took a big gulp of water from the bottle kept near her.' 'Manya- Manya Janardan, your daughter.'

Principal's face went from pale to crimson. There was a whisper of disgust from the august audience around and everyone perked their ears.

Principal somehow controlled her emotions and asked,' Are you sure.'

'Yes ma'am Meeta spilled the beans.' By this time even warden had gathered enough courage to come out with the whole truth irrespective of the consequences. ' Actually ma'am the girls had gone to see a movie with your son Aarav. Aarav and Bhavna are having an affair. Manya and Meeta are also good friends. So...' the Warden left the sentence dangling.

The principal's discomfiture was now difficult to hide,but fortunately, her phone vibrated at that moment .She took it clutching at the straw like a drowning person,' Yes,yes I will be there in a moment.'

Then looking at the staff she declared the meeting over. 'But there will be thorough enquiry in the case and the guilty will be punished.'Looking at the warden she instructed ,' See me at my place.'Then She left in a hurry. All this while, Miss Satwinder Kaur, the vice principal was continuously shaking her head.Then she also got up and left. Precisely at that moment the canteen boy entered with snacks. The lecturers who too were preparing to leave , settled down. Smita remarked digging into her Samosa,' Well so much for moral revolution in our college.

' kya karen hawa he kharab hai.' Said Malini nudging her. The entire staff joined them in a hearty laugh.