The Light In The Abyss Part 5

There were more things that I cared about. There were also things I didn’t want to lose.

To the same extent, there were also more things that I didn’t want to see, and more things that I thought would be horrible.

I knew that, in life, both sides are essential…

“I said, Ms. Elena!” I was daydreaming in the staff room, when one of my students hit me with the volleyball. “Geez. How many times do I have to call your name, Miss? You said you’d play volleyball during lunch break, right?”

 

“Ah… sorry. I’ll be coming now”

 

No sooner had I got up, than a voice on the radio caught my attention.

“And for our next story. Today… the two following inmates who were on the death row will be executed…”

***

I was in the visiting room, as usual, with Adam and the warden on the other side.

“And also… Adam’s birthday is next Thursday. If you would like, we -”

My mind was over the two prisoners who were executed that day. It was a relief for me when Adam’s name was not called, but it didn’t last for long. The harsh truth, that Adam is still a prisoner on death row, and his number could come any day, haunted me the entire day.

“Ms. Elena, do you hear me?”

 

“Ah… I’m sorry. My mind was wandering… what were you saying?”

 

“It’s okay. Adam’s birthday is next week. I was thinking of having a small party…”

 

“Oh really? I’ll be there for sure…”

The other warden walked in. “Smith, urgent phone call for you…”

 

“Oh, excuse me for a bit” He left the room along with the other warden.

 

“You aren’t very cheery today” Adam spoke just when the silence had filled the room.

 

“I guess not…

Do you want anything for your birthday?”

 

“No… I didn’t think I’d even be alive for this long, so…”

 

“I – I can’t say I’ll get you anything you want, but let me know if there’s something that you’d like…”

 

Adam hesitated for a moment, and then spoke “The piano…                                                          If you can, I’d like… to hear you play the piano once more…” He noticed the change in expression of my face. “N… No. It’s okay. What was I thinking…? I’m sorry. Please forget about it.”

 

“I’ll play… but in return… will you live another year?”

 

Adam was slightly depressed. “As for that…”

 

“You’ve taught me… how to enjoy the idle banter of my students… and that when I look around just a little bit, there’s more to my days than just the pain…

That even if I look down, there are people who will smile and be happy for me…

How can you teach people how to live… and then die alone? Don’t you think that’s unfair?”

I hid my face in my hands, and cried. Silence had crept into the room, until I got up and left it.

 

The first rays of the sun were slowly making its way into the room, as I was sitting on the stool. The piano keys were glistening in the feeble sunlight, as I nervously looked at them. My hands were shaking, while my mind kept questioning itself – “Can I do it?”

I slowly placed my vibrating fingers on the keys. In a flash, all my memories passed through the mind – my mom… my piano tutor… I was desperately searching for the courage to go further. The pain in my heart was stinging me again and again, until I withdrew my hand.

Then the voice of Adam repeated in me. ‘I’d like to hear you play the piano one more time…’ I had found the reason… the source for my courage to revive. I took a deep breath, and started playing the piano.

I started with my favorite piece – Moonlight Sonata. My fingers were refusing to move further, but they had to give up to my willpower soon. They would flow smoothly over the keys as I played. The sunlight filled the entire room slowly, and so did the music. And then I went on... The Blue Danube, Raindrops, Water Music… I hardly noticed the time flying away.

The sunlight grew stronger, and I felt I needed a break. At that instant, my cell phone started ringing.

“Yes?”

 

“Elena…”

 

“Oh, Aunt Monica. Perfect timing. I was just about to call you. You see, I -”

 

“Mr. Smith called the abbey just now” Her voice was deep and hollow.

 

I lowered my excitement. “What happened?”

 

“I’m sorry, Elena… I’m sorry…”

 

“Please brother! Listen to me!” I was at the peak of my voice as I was driving the car, to the penitentiary.

 

“You’re wasting your time. To try this now, when he was sentenced to death so long ago -”

 

“I know that, but still -”

 

“I don’t have time for this. I’m hanging up”

 

“Wait -” The cell phone became silent.

 

Dreaming of death…is nothing more than proof that you’re alive… and just living and letting live is a part of life.

I’ve only realized that now…

 

“Please let me see him” I knew it was not Thursday, but… I couldn’t wait for Thursdays anymore. Because…

There were no more ‘Thursdays’ for me.

 

“I can’t do that” Mr. Smith kept on repeating the same lines.

 

“I’ll take the responsibility for it. So…”

 

“I can’t!!” His voice went too loud. He waited for my silence, and then continued. “I can’t let him know that his sentence will be carried out tomorrow morning.”

 

“How can that be… can’t you at least let him know that he’s going to die tomorrow? Are you going to let him spend his last night here without knowing a thing?”

 

“From the moment the sentence is passed, they all know that this day is coming.”

 

“So you should tell him -”

 

“Convicts on death row are prepared to die every morning!” His voice was more sturdy and strict than ever.

“Each morning, they feared the sound of the guards’ footsteps… and each night, they live without knowing whether or not they’ll have a tomorrow…

But Adam… was always the other way around… He was relieved when morning came… and then when he found out that his punishment wasn’t that day, he’d go crazy and try to kill himself…

But… just recently… he told me he was scared… because seeing you made him want to live a little longer. He’s scared…

I’m happy for him, he’s regretted what he did, and has wanted for this day to come. But… no matter how far I think back, I can’t remember him smiling…

He wants you to be able to live a normal life… so I think that the one person should remember his smiling face… is the one who changed him. Just you…”

 

Where we are didn’t matter. Be it on the other side of a tall, tall wall, or in a prison and out of reach… In the end, I couldn’t find a good answer…

As to the difference between him, who is labeled a criminal, and me, who might have been…

 

“Ms. Elena,

I was told to write a last will, but… But even if I had possessions that were worth passing on, I have no family to give them to. So I wrote a letter to you, like always…

I never could’ve imagined how shocked I’d been… when I first saw you at the prison. The truth is, I’d been looking for you. On the day that my brother died and I was left alone, even you disappeared from the television screens…

I looked for you… I looked and looked… but I couldn’t find you…

So when I saw you here at the prison, I thought that perhaps… God truly did exist…

Thanks to the Thursdays that I spent with you, I knew for the first time how it felt to be happy. It was something I couldn’t obtain living by myself… It was something I couldn’t obtain living by myself… It felt like I understood why people live their lives mingling with others…

I won’t put up a brave front… and tell you to forget about me, and live your life without letting your past hold you back… I want you to remember me…

Just you… that there was a little person like me…

You told me once that even though there was someone you hate enough to want to kill; you were afraid to do it and stopped. I don’t think that you stopped because you were afraid, but rather because you were brave.

If I had done so… perhaps I could have said to you the words that I could never say… Words… that I haven’t said once… Not since I was born…

Ever since then… ever since then… I’ve loved you…

Live. Even if it’s only for a day… and please, find a way… to be happier than everyone else…”

 

I heard a knock on the door. The person I had been waiting for had arrived. I kept the paper aside and looked at her.

 

“Inviting me to your room… have you finally gone mad?” I could see a surprised expression on her face. I turned my face towards the clear sky.

 

“I forgive you, Mother” I knew that her surprise grew. I continued “The truth is, I still hate you, enough to want to kill you. Even so, I…

I… I have to live. So… I forgive you, Mother.

I’ve… started playing the piano again. If you want, I’ll play a song for you…”

 

It’s thanks to him that I also understand… how to obtain the thing called happiness… But he should have said it.

 

Don’t dwell on any one time. There is pain during the painful times, and during the times when you are in love…

There is love…

I figured that out… So I’ll live…

From now on, I’ll live…

 

THE END