Inside Sarah

DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER

I woke up to find myself in a hospital… Completely amnesic of what had happened…

Sarah, age 21, victim of a severe accident half a year ago.

She was saved… At the same time, I appeared.

To put it simply, I’m like a lost soul feeding life off another body…

**

Every day at 2 pm I wake up, to start a life that’s not mine… Do blood tests; undergo hypnotism, physio checkups…

Sometimes they let me do what I like… such as…

Admiring my reflection in the mirror…

“She’s so pretty… Don’t you think so, Doctor?”

“Oh… Yeah…”

“But… the sad, drooping eyes, the light complexion, and captivating features… It’s so strange… How it doesn’t match this bony, coarse body at all.

Sarah… must hate me very much, right? Well, who can love to share their life with a troublemaker … right?”

The chair creaked a little as the doctor got up. She was trying to close her eyes to the ticking of the wall clock, but the screech from the chair said it all.

“…Come now, it’s time”

And every day, at 5:30 pm… I give her back her body.

*****

“Commit suicide? Why?”

Anxiety was all over her, as she gazed at the skinny hand bandaged from the tip of the fingers all the way to the elbow. She then looked at the doctor, without any drop in the anxiety.

“Why would Sarah want to die all of a sudden?”

“That’s none of your business!”

“I want to talk to her! Please… A recording? What about a letter?”

“Don’t be idiotic!! If you truly care for Sarah, you better follow the treatment and disappear now!”

The hospital bed gave a faint squeal as she collapsed on it. The black silky hair danced in the gentle breeze, as a teardrop shined in the dusk-light at the edge of the downcast eyes. The dark silence of the room was broken by the screech of the door as it opened to the outer world, but the door was soon closed, leaving her the only one in the room.

The black marker on the table beside her caught her attention. It took no time for the marker to write a short message on the bandage of her right hand.

I'M SORRY...

I don’t understand… why it hurts so much…To the point that I want to tear my heart now…

And just die already…

*****

Maybe by chance, or purpose…

But after that time, Sarah seems to have stopped having suicidal intentions…

“This is the third time already”

The chair on which she was sitting couldn’t help but hear their conversation, as the doctor removing the bandage on her face. It was taken aback on seeing the deep scar on the beautiful left cheek of that young lady. A similar mark on the forehead, bandages all around the neck and on the right arm… it was easy for anyone to guess she would have met with a serious accident. But the chair knew all about her. After all, she had been there for a few months by then.

What’s wrong with that other girl? thought the chair.

“Recently Sarah has started to hurt her face. It seems all the mirrors in her apartment have also been shattered.

Slitting her wrist and slashing her face… What’s next?”

The doctor’s voice was loud enough to reverberate a several times in the room, before he left it. The chair could see the girl picking up the marker. Another message? To her? All its doubts dissolved when it read the message.

STOP HURTING YOURSELF SARAH

**

It’s beautiful…

The lush green leaves swayed in the soothing breeze as the fading glare of the sun reminded her of the dusk. Dusk had always been the moment of her happiness, though she didn’t know why.

I wish I had some memory of my past…

Her memory was worsening day by day. Even the few months of her stay in the hospital was fading away slowly. The day when she woke up for the first time in the hospital, the realisation that she had no recollection of her past, the doctors then explaining about the syndrome she was suffering… all was hazy in her head.

Her mind was brought back by the cheery talks of the school girls strolling their way home. It was not the first time that she imagined herself between them, talking, laughing, and walking with them. She just yearned to be out, to feel the joy, the laughter, the happiness… She always felt the outside world calling for her. But she knew all she could do was sit on the white bed and stare at the empty skies, for a few hours a day before she take the medicine and go back to a long deep slumber.

The scar on her face gave her a sharp sting, bringing her back to the room. She remembered the charm in the face, desperately trying to show up in spite of the brutal marks. Those fascinating eyes losing their charisma…

“Doctor… Is there any way to make me disappear straight away? I… I don’t want to be hated by her… any longer…”

She kept her gaze fixed outside, as the silence returned once again. The black letters on the back of her right hand was clearly visible in the shiny mirror.

I WILL DISAPPEAR VERY SOON, SO PLEASE... DON'T DO THIS...

*****

MICHELLE, IS THAT YOU?

She was looking at the message on her left hand, with a puzzled mind. Her inner thoughts slipped out of her mouth and echoed in the still room.

“Michelle?”

At once she was taken aback by the sudden fall of the files. Her gaze then shifted to the stunned face of the doctor who was at the doorway.

“Doctor?”

“What did you say? Where did you hear that name from?”

“Huh?”

“I ASKED YOU HOW YOU KNEW THAT NAME?”

She had never seen the calm doctor erupt that way. Her surprise was quickly taken over by fear, and her voice trembled. “It’s… It’s from… from a dream… I… don’t remember…”

The anger in his face dissolved. “Oh… really…? You really don’t remember? Sorry… Never mind it.”

The two spoke no further. She took the tablets, and slept.

That was the last time she ever appeared.

**********

“Here is fine”

The small villa seems to welcome her as she got down from the car. The smooth hair over the brown overcoat waved in the light breeze, in unison with the tapping of the boots as she walked to the door.

“Remember your appointment at the hospital tomorrow, be punctual” was the last words from her brother before he drove away from the place.

She looked at the untamed tall grass as she looked for the keys in her coat pocket. She took no time in finding them, and the door gave way for the sunlight to illuminate the interior. The boots slowly made their way to the shoe case, as did the coat to the hanger. The broken mirror on the wall gave a bright mosaic view of her blue-striped shirt, as she made her way to the main room.

She picked up the torn-up pillow from the floor and kept it on the messed-up sofa. She was careful not to step on the broken glass pieces as she walked to her room. The entire house was in the same state as she had left it a few days ago.

Never did Michelle appear again in the five days that she had stayed in the hospital. Her wound on the hand was also healed, and they had removed the dressing. And here she was, discharged from the hospital with a few bandages covering the scars on the face, and now heading for the dark room at the end of the hall.

Her hand reached for the door knob, and slowly allowed the light from the hall to fill the room. The sea of photos and shattered mirrors scattered all over the floor rejoiced their first embrace with light by glistening at her. The gloomy darkness of the room was completely wiped out by the fresh light.

But none of these could bring even a slight wink of smile on Sarah’s face. Her heart sank on seeing the photos of her and Michelle together. The childhood memories, their visit to the amusement parks, they growing up and graduating from school together, hanging out with others in the college days, their intimate moments of life… each of the fallen photo had a story of their own to narrate.

The pain in her heart deepened until she could no longer bear it. Covering her eyes with both her hands, she broke down. Tear drops ran along the hands, reaching the very tip of the elbow, and dripping down to the floor one after another. The entire hidden grief in her heart exploded, as her loud cry echoed in the house.

The two newspaper clippings plastered to the broken wall mirror was unaware of her feelings. The first article was dated 14th May 2036, and in bold letters, read:

Catastrophic Traffic Accident

Victims are two young girls

and had the photo of both Sarah and Michelle. The second cutting also had their photos and was dated three days ahead, i.e., 17th May 2036. With the same bold font as the previous article, it read:

The first ever case of human brain transplant

Revolution in medical history

***

“Because being alive isn’t exactly everything”

**********

FIN