The Light In The Abyss Part 4

The answer that people who have witnessed a murder give about the existence of the death penalty… The answer that people who have seen a criminal be executed give to activists who want the death penalty repealed…

If those answers would finally satisfy our egos, and some distinguished person was to make a firm decision on it… We wouldn’t be this distressed about it…

 

 I was walking in the corridor, with the warden next to me. I was surprised when all of a sudden he called me and asked if I would like to dress Adam’s hair. Even I felt his hair was too long, so I agreed.

“Can’t you have a stylist do it?” I asked him as we were heading towards a small room.

“The stylist… when he was cutting Adam’s hair the last time… Adam yanked the scissors from him and tried to kill himself…

So we haven’t called him for a few months now… it’s a bit of a pain…”

 

We walked in silence for a while. “That reminds me, Mr. Smith. You never wore a guard’s uniform. Do you not like blazers?”

 

“It’s not that I don’t like them… if I wear one of those, the inmates who don’t know me would call me ‘sir’. It’s kind of ridiculous, isn’t it? It’s not like I do anything for them, but…

Since I don’t want to rely on that pretense, I decided to wear this instead…”

 

We reached the place. The room was vacated, and now there was only a chair in the center of the room, with Adam sitting on it.

“A… Anyway, Ms. Elena, go ahead and trim his hear a bit with the scissors.”

 

“I… I’m nervous…”

 

“Um… I don’t mind keeping it like this… It’s my own fault…” It had been a week since I had heard Adam’s voice.

 

Warden went to him and brushed his hair with his hand. “That won’t do at all. Your hair grows so fast, but you should probably get ready for us to mess up.”

 

I soon got myself busy in trimming his hair. It was my first time doing it, so I was pretty much concentrated on it. The hair-cutting went on for half-an-hour or so.

“Well, it’s not great, but… there you go…” Warden looked at him and was somewhat convinced. I continued speaking “But it’s not bad for an amateur haircut… right?”

 

“Yeah… maybe…

Wait here. I’ll go find a mirror. You want to see it too, right Adam?” And he left us both in the room.

 

“My head kind of feels lighter…” A smile added on to his face.

 

“You… look good when you smile”

 

The smile on his face was quickly replaced by a blush. Then, as I was facing the door waiting for the warden to enter, Adam placed a folded paper on my hand. I turned back, surprised, but received a silence from him. Just then, the warden entered with a hand mirror. “Found one…” He gave it to Adam. “What do you think Adam? It’ll do, right?”

I hid the paper in the pocket.

 

“A few days ago… You asked me a question. ‘Why… did you kill them?’ …I was really torn over how to answer…

But since you had asked me to speak with you honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to lie to you. I decided to write you a letter…

Let me tell you about something that happened years ago… After the death of my brother, I didn’t know what to do. I used to do some petty jobs and pass the time. I had no goal… no wish… infact, my entire life had no meaning. At least that’s what I had thought back then.

Often, as I passed by an abandoned street, I used to see a small group of men luring adults into their area and thrashing them. Then, they carried out gruesome acts on them. It seemed as if they were enjoying the pain and suffering of those grown-ups.

They were paid by a man in suit. I didn’t really know if he was some government secretary or a doctor’s son, or if he had a fancy title as the rumor said… The guy was twisted, taking pleasure in seeing them plucking out eyes or tearing the hands apart…

But I didn’t care about anyone but myself… so it didn’t really bother me…

Once, as I was roaming around, a boy tried to pick my pocket. He had a close similarity with my brother; the young brother whom I loved the most… the brother for whom I… the brother who died in the accident…

That was the day when I started caring…

I started to work in construction sites, worked on all days for longer hours, then head to my shed to see him sleeping… have a short nap before returning to work… soon we became a family. I took up the role of an elder brother, taking care of his daily chores along with my work. Soon, we rented a small house, and we started living there…

One day, he brought a cat to home. “A cat? No way! He stinks!!” “I’ll give him a bath”                                                                         “You’ll look after him?” “Yes!”                                                      “Then, if I let you keep him, will you go to school?” “What!!?”                        “Forget it, then.” “Psh… I have to then…”

They were just ordinary words… but they made me feel like a different person…

One day, while I was working, my manager called me. ‘Adam! Phone call’ I was a little surprised, since I had no one other than… I just wished nothing bad had happened to him, as I picked up the phone. But… it was worse…

“It seems he was chasing his cat… when he was hit by a car… the body of the cat was nearby…” My mind went blank. It was too much for me. First my brother… and then him… the same way… I decided I couldn’t live anymore.

I headed towards the railway station. As I was standing on the platform, I noticed a mother standing next to me, with her girl in her arms. The girl smiled at me, and I replied with a smile too. But… I couldn’t hold back my tears. I could hear the small girl asking “What’s wrong…?” But… I couldn’t speak. Suddenly I heard a voice over my shoulder.

“Have you ever heard the sound a person makes… when their head is run over?”

I turned back to see him, the same man who would drop some cash on the floor for the ruthless gang, standing behind me. “Worth 1800 dollars, hmm…”

Suddenly, the words of my brother came to my mind ‘Until you die, I’ll always be there for you…’

I snatched the umbrella from the women, who was startled and lost her balance. I turned to him… and stabbed him in his stomach. It took a few minutes for me to calm down and drop the umbrella.

At the moment, the honk of the train alerted me. I saw the mother and the child fallen on the railway track, unconscious. But before I could reach them… the train had.

Saying that I’ve killed indiscriminately isn’t wrong at all. I couldn’t find enough of a reason to live, to make me lie and say that I regretted killing him…

More than anyone else, I was the one who chose the punishment of ‘death’… I understand the feelings of the victim’s relatives very well.

I have no complaints about being here in prison… I understand being hated all too well. If I’m gone, they may be able to love a life better… so that’s what I wanted.

I have no issue… so please, let’s drop the issue”

I looked out at the starless night sky from the window of my dark room. The light from the streetlamps was not enough to cheer me up. All I wanted was the bright light from the stars…

The twinkling stars…

 

“Please help me out, brother” I was on a phone call with my brother. He is an influential man in the society, so… “Maybe you can get his sentence reduced… you heard his story”

 

“Are you an idiot? Who would believe a story from a guy on death row?”

 

I was sitting in a park while talking with my brother. As soon as he hung up the call, I saw Aunt Monica walking towards me.

“What’s wrong, Elena? Calling me all of a sudden…”

 

“Lately… I’ve been scared of time passing…

The days have always just made me remember pain, so I’ve hated every one of them… Even so, right now, I’m afraid of tomorrow coming… I wonder why…”

 

I caught a glimpse of her smile. “It looks like you understand the fear of being left behind…

Do you know that I’ve felt the same fear three times since the day in high school… when you first tried to kill yourself?”

 

“These past ten years… living amongst people has been an agony. I was afraid of people getting to know me, and I could never make a single friend…

But now… I wonder what I’ll do if his sentence will be carried out tomorrow…

He told me that he has no complains about where he stands, but… I’m the one who’s frightened.

I… I don’t want to rely on Thursdays anymore than I already do” I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. My voice too became damp and cracked.

 

“Elena…”

 

“There are already so many things… that I’ll forget how to live for again… when he’s gone…”

If only every day was Thursday…

 

<To be continued>