The Death Of A Suicide...
The Death Of A Suicide...
Samanyu then took the rugged, craggy jute rope in his cold numb hands. Sweating profusely he gazed at the fan, monologuing, "I have started it, now it's on me to end it, the only way is to end myself." He got the stool from the corner of his dark room and climbed it. Prepared a loop of the rope and entered his head. As he was about to push the stool aside and bid goodbye to his sucking life, he heard a bang on his door, it was his sister calling out loudly to him. "Papa has fallen on the ground unconscious, come soon."
Samanyu wanted to push the stool. He tried ignoring the responsibility he owed to the just arrived emergency. He tried hard but he couldn't. Finally, he got his head out of the loop and rushed to his father. Samanyu's father was shifted to the operation theatre, citing an immediate surgery. A lakh had to be deposited immediately.
Samanyu felt broke and disastrous. He sat on the hospital bench completely shattered. With closed eyes, he recalled arguing relentlessly with his father to start a business venture with his close friends and how they ditched him and left him almost bankrupt. His pockets were filled with debts, lament, disgust, and regrets, but what he wanted badly at the moment did not find its way to his pockets.
He saw his younger sister clearing the hospital dues which made him feel even worse about himself. Finally, the operation was completed and the father was shifted to the ICU. Samanyu sent his sister home and stayed back with his father.
That night seemed longer than an eternity for Samanyu. He had been avoiding his father for some time now as he couldn't gather enough courage to face him. Samanyu sat gazing at his father. He recalled his father giving him his lifelong savings, with almost nothing left for himself, and all this Samanyu just lost. He couldn't come to terms with his own blunders. He wept his heart out in silence and utter loneliness.
After a while, he walked out of the hospital room after calling a nurse to be with his father. Samanyu found himself a bench facing the hospital entrance. With a storm within, he felt lost. His eyes then fell on the gun that the hospital security guard had. He at once got up to snatch the gun and shoot himself, but by the time Samanyu could reach, the guard was up from his seat for his usual rounds of the hospital with another guard along. Samanyu went back to the bench, waiting for the guard to come back. Meanwhile, resting on the bench, he dozed off.
He was woken up by a sudden shake, "Sir, help, please, I need your help," a voice called out to him.
"Sir, my son is in the ICU, please help," requested the man. The man appeared middle-aged and well to do.
Samanyu in utter distress questioned, "How can I help you, sir? I am not a doctor."
"I know you are not a doctor, no doctor would sleep outside a hospital like this, they have a reputation to keep up with after all," confirmed the man.
"Well sir, if you know so much you should also know that I am of no use to you," Samanyu sarcastically taunted. Meanwhile, Samanyu looked around to see if the guard had come back as he had pinned all hopes on that gun to end his miserable life.
"No you are, you are of use to me, just because you look a little hopeless doesn't mean you actually are," tweaked the man.
With a big frown on the face as Samanyu was about to lambast the man, knowing what was in for him the man quickly made a good move, rather a safe move and changed the topic.
"Forget all that, I shall pay you handsomely for your help, trust me," the man said trying his best to strike a deal. Samanyu was any way in need of monetary help, but he also had his own doubts.
"Look Mr. Stranger I already have enough to put up with life, your lunatic talks and offers are the last thing I would want. So, Mr cool but not so cool, make way and let me go," replied Samanyu agitatedly. He moved further looking for the security guard.
"Ok Mr-not-so-hot-but-hot-headed, go find that guard and shoot yourself," announced the man with tough looks.
Samanyu was shocked. He turned back, frowning at the man.
The man continued ," Stop thinking about how I know what's cooking in your mind. I will definitely tell you that but for now priority is my son, Please help me. You have your entire life to choose your death,"
"But why me, you can save your son yourself," Samanyu questioned.
"Very lucky are those who have the ability to solve their problems on their own, not all are fortunate enough to do that. What you can do I cannot. I'll explain you later, now please help," requested the man.
Samanyu agreed to help him, but only to know the secret behind the man knowing his.
The man guided him through the rear door of the hospital and took him to the blood bank. As they entered, there were some ward boys and nurses around. Samanyu was constantly guided by the man. Whenever someone came their way the man signaled and Samanyu would hide himself.
After the initial rounds of hide and seek, Samanyu finally whispered the wise question, "Why are we hiding?"
"For some fun," whispered the man.
Samanyu with a disgusted look stared at the man.
"So that no one finds us out genius, why would anybody hide otherwise. I thought you were only hopeless but now I realized you are less in many other ways," giggled the man"
"Oh! if you are so wise, why do you need me? I am going, bye, to hell with you," shouted Samanyu angrily.
Meanwhile, a ward boy heard them and inquired, "Who's there, this is a restricted area. who's that?"
Samanyu didn't want to get into any trouble as his dad was admitted to the hospital and he couldn't spare a penny towards the penalty.
Samanyu just cursed himself for having fallen into the man's trap, but now that he had fallen, he had to follow. Soon, the nurses and the ward boys got busy and the blood bank was without any staff for some time. The man guided Samanyu to a particular shelf and asked him to pick up a specific parcel. Samanyu quickly wrapped up the parcel in his shirt and escaped from the blood bank room. Coming out of the room felt like a lease of new life to Samanyu. The stench from the morgue near the blood bank room made him feel sick. After a long time, he breathed in and out completely feeling truly alive.
"Feeling alive?" asked the man. Samanyu nodded. You know being alive is the most powerful thing in this world. Power to look into problems with different perspectives, the power to redirect thoughts, the power to strive to make life better, the power to get up again and fight with life and above all power to call your life, yours. But the tragedy is, people don't realize this fact. Only when life goes away, its true worth is realized.
Samanyu, all you need is shots of fresh air and thoughts, definitely not the gunshots. Remember, no matter how worst life may seem, it is a process and not the conclusion. Life is neutral, it is we who associate emotions to it. Life cannot be a straight road, there will be ups and downs. Fall when it's low but dare to get up with high tides. There's nothing more beautiful than a human traversing through the path of life with all its uncertainty. Respect your life..."
Samanyu reflected on his thoughts.
The man took Samanyu to a room. There was a boy aged around eleven years, sleeping on the bed and his mother by his side holding his hand.
Samanyu unsurely asked," How can I just barge in like that, I don't know them?"
Before Samanyu could say anything else the man was nowhere to be seen.
Samanyu gathered courage and went inside the room. The lady woke up.
Samanyu silently handed over the parcel to the lady.
She opened the parcel to find bundles of notes inside. She thanked Samanyu for his kind gesture.
"Don't thank me, it's your husband who guided me to the parcel from the blood bank. He was right outside the room but I don't know where he left for..." explained Samanyu.
The lady showed Samanyu her husband's photo, to confirm if he had met the same person.
"Yes, it is the same person, I met" confirmed Samanyu.
With tears in eyes, the lady said, "My husband committed suicide last year, unable to see our child's condition and his painful chemotherapy sessions. If you meet him again, tell him that more than this money, it is a father that our son needs the most today. Wish he could have realized this before ending his life so cowardly."
Samanyu left the room in a state of utter bafflement and disrupted thoughts; pondering over what he had just heard. He went back to the bench in front of the hospital and sat dumb folded with a cluttered mind. The dawn was just about to set in.
"I regret it," uttered the man. Samanyu saw the same man sitting next to him.
The man continued. "I want to hold my son's hand, but can't, I feel hungry but can't eat anything. I feel to come alive again but I..... GaPeople often think that if they commit suicide they will be relieved of their problems but little do they know, that they are actually entering a dark tunnel of nowhere. They have voluntarily caged themselves in this world of helplessness. No problem is big enough for one to give up on life and choose the door of self-imposed death. People don't understand that suicide will only kill their mortal body but not their soul. They have to wander with the same pain, thoughts, and emotions with which they chose to end their life. Their journey after suicide will start with the same pain. I wish if someone would have guided me before... Those who don't respect life and give up untimely must bear the stench like that in the morgue. They can see their loved ones but can't talk to them, they can feel the pain but can't share with anyone. They have all emotions like that of a living person but no medium to express them. Don't ever think of doing that heinous mistake of taking your life. You can get money, property, or any asset again but life is a once in a lifetime asset, if you choose to lose this, you become a real loser."
Samanyu felt numb.
"Now you decide whether to head towards the gun and embrace death or towards your father and embrace life and give it another chance. Life is the biggest gift anyone can give another. This is all, I can pay you with, my friend," said the man.
As Samanyu wanted to reply to the man, he felt a steep propel and a sensation of being rocked. As he shook himself up, he opened his eyes to find nurses trying to wake him up. Samanyu soon realized that it was all a dream. He looked around for the man but there was no one.
Samanyu with teary eyes monologued, "This is indeed the treasure of a lifetime that you have given me, my friend. The money I lost seemed huge to me but now I feel my life weighs more than anything."
Samanyu went to his father, who was now awake and confessed saying," father come what may, I will work hard and repay the money."
Father hugs Samanyu and says, "you are my biggest asset and not the money son."
Samanyu felt soo relieved and back to life... Finally realizing...
It is not the life that sucks but the mindset. Train it positively by counting your blessings and everything else will be taken care of...