The Cold Embrace

It was a beautiful evening. As usual, I was lost in my dream world of ghazals-Holding moments and a myriad of feelings in my heart…Emotions, sentiments, dreams, wishes, and memories…I find my dream world more desirable than the real cruel world.

We are meeting after a long time. What should I tell you? I wanted you to know about how our break-up changed my life. I also wish to tell you that coming in my dreams you softly touch my burning heart like a cool breeze. I know that our separation was inevitable, and it was our destiny. Now I am delighted and excited about our tryst…It will be a pleasant surprise for us to meet after so many years.

“Only a rose to give you

Only a song dying away

Only a smile to keep in memory…”

Yes…that message engraved in my heart forever…How could I forget my college days? Those days when every word was a promise and every looks a love glance from my Ravi…I felt an instant attraction. The way he looked at me swept me off my feet. I couldn’t even remember when I fell head over heels in love with him. My heart skipped a beat.

 ‘I miss you every single day and wonder if it is the same with you?”-words of a love song so tenderly touching my heart…my heart beating for the past moments…keeping alive those memories….

Does anybody miss each other? If he is so close to me, why didn’t he miss me as I missed him? How could he stay away from me for such a long time? Those loving and mesmerizing eyes and the feathery soft touch so endearing to me…. The melodious raga arising from the sitar strings of my heart whenever he holds me close to his heart. We were inseparable. Time and tide indeed wait for none, but some moments freeze and remain engraved in our hearts forever.

Ravi, you are a fond memory for me…. a sweet dream cherished somewhere in the corner of my mind. I didn’t realize that I couldn’t live without you till that fateful day when you told me that we should break up for good. I remember those evenings when I used to go with our girls’ group with a secret wish to meet you on the way to our Medical College Campus. Was it infatuation or love? But I felt an instant connection with you when our eyes met. I saw the same love for me in your eyes. Gradually we became friends. We started discussing diseases and patients and later studied together. How could I forget those nights when I was eagerly waiting for your phone calls? Those days were unforgettable. I still cherish those days when we came to know that we were in love but couldn’t confess to each other. Gradually we became lovers and promised to be together forever. You were a dream come true for me. But we concentrated on our studies as it was the final year. After finishing the course, one day you told me that heartbreaking news. Since your father who was fighting cancer wanted to finalize your marriage before death, he fixed your marriage with his friend’s daughter. The girl’s family was abroad, and you will be joining them after the marriage. I was in tears and shock, unable to accept the fact that we wouldn’t be life partners. We embraced and cried a lot. Finally, it was time to say goodbye. But you promised that you would come to India and meet me one day. Then years passed and you didn’t keep up your promise.

Then I was thrilled to receive your letter one day. I loved your letter about your dream dream which was also mine…. Tears were flowing down my cheeks when I folded and kept down that letter. I know that dreams may not become reality. Still, why should I hope in vain for the meeting? Will Ravi come as he promised?

“Sumi…darling, see I am here! I have come to meet you. After all, it was a gentleman’s promise, no?”- Sumitra was astonished to see Ravi coming and sitting in front of her in the restaurant.

‘Har mulakaat ka anjaam judai kyun hai? (Why is it that every meeting ends in a farewell?)’…….

A ghazal singer was singing a soulful ghazal touching the chords in the hearts of lovers.

We just looked at each other holding hands but saying nothing…Love was in the air…. The moments were silent but eloquent…

We remembered the lines of our favourite romantic song. …. unearthing the treasure of our memories….reviving the feelings for each other that have long gone….feelings so pleasantly dear and warm…. Do you know, when you whispered the magic words, "I love you," into my ear as we walked along the lonely road in the moonlight, it was the most adorable moment in my life?

Sumitra wished to let this precious moment be frozen forever…. ‘’Madam, shall I bring you some snacks to eat?” The waiter’s words brought her back to reality. The waiter wanted to take the order.

“Nothing, thanks. Please bring my bill for the coffee.” She told the waiter.

“OK Madam”. He left to bring the bill.

Sumitra started looking around. Where is Ravi? He was with me holding hands and sharing our moments of eternal love. But where is he now? How could he leave me alone? Sumitra controlled her sobbing when she realized the truth. It was only a dream! She felt sad and depressed.

After paying the bill, she stepped out of the restaurant. It started snowing outside. The beautiful village of Himachal Pradesh looked serene and peaceful at night. Winter is coming with silent steps and engulfing the small place…. just like the winter in her heart …freezing her dreams and liveliness.

Going back to her room was painful for her…. back to the same grief and loneliness.

Ravi, I feel your presence everywhere. I adore your soft words, your gentle touch and your heart which is an ocean of love for me. Everything reminds me of you. I cannot imagine my life without you because you mean everything to me…The pillow cover is the only witness to the tears flowing from my eyes on sleepless nights… She thought.

 And the mirror in my room reminded me that I was getting old. My hairs started greying and wrinkles started appearing on my face. It is as if I have very few years to live before, I meet you. Though my family compelled me to marry, I was not in a mental state to get married. You were my soul mate. In my mind and heart, you are the one and only partner who can share my life. Ravi, tell me, after sharing my heart with you, how can I share my life with some unknown person? But for the sake of my parents, I got married and I lost my husband a few years back. My daughter is married and settled in her life.

I have been waiting for you for ages. As the saying goes ‘Time heals all types of wounds. But do you know, Ravi, my heart has a painful deep wound that is not healing with time! I am waiting for your healing touch. I will wait for you till the end of time and beyond. I am ready to live with this bleeding heart and our memories. My love for you will live longer than time and I know that I will always love you until the day I depart from this world.

For one moment she wished for the dream to come true. She wished that Ravi would call her from behind saying that it was a naughty prank. Her broken heart with feelings yearned for the presence of her lover Ravi, who left her all alone with only the indelible memories of their loving bond. She wiped her tears and covered herself with a shawl. She remembered his affectionate embrace when she felt the warmth of the shawl.

“Madam, Good Evening! I will drop you at home. It is so cold outside, and it started snowing also.” - Arun stopped his scooter and told her. He was the son of his colleague Priya.

‘No, son, I am all alone in this pathway. I was always a lone traveller. I never had anybody to share my journey thought.

“Madam, don’t worry, please come with me-” Arun said again.

“No son. It is so kind of you. I can go home walking. It is very close to that building. Thank you dear-” Wiping her tears she replied to the boy.

Arun thought- ‘What is wrong with this middle-aged lady? She must be in great pain. That may be the reason why she chose to walk alone in life. God help her with a peaceful life. Arun left the place.

“Hi, Sumi….” Sumitra turned around in surprise. Who whispered in my ears? Has Ravi come? Warm breath caressing my cheeks…Smiling eyes looking at me with love…A tender embrace enveloping me like a warm solace in the winter night…Was it my Ravi? Yes, it is Ravi only.

 ‘You Ravi…. you will remain the same old naughty boy, no? Always giving me surprises?’-Sumitra was so happy to think that her lover came back to her at last. Talking to him she proceeded unaware of her surroundings. The middle-aged lady living in her dream world failed to notice the speeding car coming towards her. She just walked with a smile and talked with her lover not realizing that it was a figment of her imagination. After all, it was a memorable reunion with her lover after so many years. The car came and hit her leaving her with fatal head injuries.

The time came to a standstill for her. She was bleeding profusely and there were no persons on the lonely road at that time of the winter night. Snowflakes kept on falling wrapping her in a white shroud. Her heart stopped beating forever. The cold arms of death embraced her. But a smile was still there on her lips…. the smile of ecstasy in anticipation of union with lover…. The broken heart had tender feelings for her lover…..