Neha Singh

Abstract Romance Classics

4.0  

Neha Singh

Abstract Romance Classics

"The Bottom Found"

"The Bottom Found"

13 mins
246


"It hurts to love. It's like giving yourself to be flayed and knowing that at any moment the other person may just walk off with your skin " Anumeha said when her friend told her about how she is deep down in love with one of her colleagues.

S.  She has been a workaholic since she remembers being conscious ....She is a rigorous writer, reader, and language interpreter. She knows seven languages and is all day busy with doing work or another. She has always been a bibliophile and books ....books presented a beautiful utopian world of love but she feels that love is nothing more than a decision ..our own decision. She believed that to make one person the center of your world is bound to end in disaster There are too many factors outside your control. She believed in learning till wisdom seeps out of her fingers ...she wanted to be 'gaudi' sun ', a symbol of creativity and passion.


This perception was her identity until she met Viraag. Viraag was unknown to her since that one day when she met him at her favorite cafe which was a place to date herself. She met Viraag for he was an apprentice at a company that was giving Anumeha, a translation project. When they came across each other's common interests, they caught up in a conversation in which Anumeha mentions her "philosophy of love " and Viraag just ends with the phrase "Believe me! This is not the truth "

    

They had frequent meetups and a few months later there was a different feeling running through their senses ....they were walking under the stars when Viraag said 

"I don't know why,i feel so differently about love than other people, i think there's no falling in love,it's like swimming underwater,where you can breathe in water,where it's no longer feels heavy,it's like being covered in a shell, for me love is not something that's been about giving, or taking,it's about believing and fulfilling,it's about understanding and evolving with each other, where you have this closest person to you, who won't ever feel jealous of you no matter how much you grow and success,who won't leave you no matter how many mistakes you make, it's like a mirror, a mirror which reflects not just your image but all the flaws in you so you can make yourself better, it's not about loving as you are, as people say,love is where someone can love what and how they are,i disagree with that,to me love is about grooming each other, to make each other better at every step of life to motivate each other at every hurdle in life,for me love is not being the same with you forever, for me love is growing and evolving with you at every step , i always point out things, it's not because i don't love like you are,i do love you as you are,but i want you to be better, to me there's no point in life where someone can be perfect, there's always space for being better,and i love you like that, i don't care how i will look in front of you, if something is bad for you,i will say it,no matter how bad you will feel,because if i won't correct you,then i am good for nothing.. and i will always love you like this and my way of loving will always be different from the rest of the world "

She listened to each and every word ...but she chooses to run away ..away to her den where she is safe. It's just that the sun has set, it's not full night yet, the birds that are encircling her room are so gentle, so pure, the form of beauty in the truest form. It surrounds her room, like no other does, as nothing can, it fills her room even more than light or darkness or sunray. Those birds that speak to me in a language imprinted on them that he sent me. What he meant to me, what he did, she couldn't even word it. Friend? Acquaintee? Love maybe? Or something more beyond? Something speechless? Something not able to cover up the realness or Vagueness? I

She is laying down with her eyes staring at the ceiling. The birds encircling her feel so free as if the owner has sprinkled some life in them. Two sit on a rainbow in her room. She blinks once or twice to open that the rainbow was actually whiteness and colors weaved together, in the thought to catch her dreams. Who can catch her bad dreams better than his guard? If it was in his hand, he would take all the pain to keep her safe. The novel he gifted in February sits on her chest as if his handprints still lay close to her. She smiled unknowingly that she is smiling, then stop knowing that she was. One bird came and sit on the top of the book, she smiled at her again. She didn't smile back though, the bird-like its silly owner doesn't know its worth. It's worth more than the word worth itself. 


She could see stars from outside the window and among all of them, stood the brightest that shined "sunrise ruby". All-stars were silver but that was black, still, instead of losing itself in the sky, it is shining brighter than the moon. Maybe because it sparkles with his charm. 

She slept in slumber the entire night. The next day there was nothing between them but tears ...they confessed through teardrops falling down the ridges of the prior uncertainty.

She is staring out of the window. He is asleep on her lap. She was narrating a story to him, and he fell asleep halfway. She bent down to kiss his head, ever so lightly brushing her lips with his skin, trying so hard not to wake him up. He was so peacefully holding her, like cotton candy with nothing but air and the mixture forming a cloud, which then collapses and makes it all vanish. Her fingers are in his hair, and his hand was still holding her other one. As if telling her that she is precious to him. She moves her feet a little to pull the blanket over him, but her anklet bells make their sounds and before she knows, he is awake. She mentally curses herself but then stops. He is half sleepily staring at her. His lips are forming a tired smile and his eyes are barely open. She held him up and make him lay beside her. Turning the night lamp off, she pulls him closer. He holds her even tighter and keeps his head on her arm. He goes into slumber again and she is breathlessly watching him. Like a crazy admirer watching the sights, like a crazy painter watching the colors, just like that, in a silent tale, she is watching him. Loving him. Her eyes are wet now, She doesn't know if the wetness is from staring too hard or her emotional garage. Either way, she won't want to miss even a second of his sight by blinking away. And so she let her eyes get watered, she let those tears take the form of streams and slip through her eye corners. But see, now they are blurring her beautiful sight. And so she finally blinks to let them go freely and savor his sight once again. He shifts a little and holds him closer. She doesn't understand why does he make her feel this way. She indeed loves him more than she has loved anyone else and maybe that's why...maybe that's why she thinks that she will never come out of this loophole again. But then again...who wants to come out from their own lifeline..he is her engraved printed name, he is her enchanted spirit and no matter what she thinks love was, he is the one obvious mate in her life. She will always love him, always and always till her life decides when to end it.

They spend unending days together talking of books, writers, artists, theories, and what not .. something they never discussed was love. When it fills their very existence .. what's the need to talk about it?

He whispers poems and stories in her ear. The essence of each of them was love. Viraag is going to some other city for work and Anumeha has planned a surprise for him when he returns. She is busy thinking of him when she receives a phone call......

The thoughts in her head were like waves ...

She was still in the slumber of his description. She unbinds her hair and whimsically plaits it again - holding the end for these waves were soon going to merge into the sea. She abruptly released the ends; she could no longer hold them as the sea was nowhere. The world claimed her lover to be "dead", the sea dead.


She sat in silence long enough. She learned that silence has motion. It glided over her without shape or form, exactly like water. Its color is silver. And silence has a sound that you hear only after years of wading inside it, just like swimming for years to be perfect. The sound is soft like musical notes, rising up, like water speaking. Her unbound tresses blew across her face. A storm scattered the river. She decided "Today her crying would make him cry. He should not be afraid as the rocks are never afraid of waterfalls, her lonely fantasies would be fulfilled, her divine weapon would be used and would triumph! She would bring floods.

She heard cries for the sea being succumbed to by the earth. She was surprised at how could a sea be collapsed? Where could all the vastness, all volumes of water go? Where else could it find space to spread out? How could it leave the river which was just traveling to merge with it? The river froze...


She got up and flowed, flowed ceaselessly. She wants to travel like water for it is a perfect traveler because it becomes the path itself. She sat on the shore of a lake. A lake where her lover used to feed fishes in her name. He came along and sat beside her. She unaware of his presence spoke, "Bottomless blue holes exist all over the world, people say they don't have bottoms. They're like black holes on earth, places where nothing can escape, and time and space come to an end ".

He abruptly asked, "What are you most afraid of ?"She looked at him and then at the blue water to compare what is deeper than the water or his eyes. " I think, I am afraid of the sea leaving the river behind? I am afraid of always being frozen, of weightless doom."What about you ? " she asked. He murmured "I am afraid of the river that has stopped flowing, that's now frozen. I am afraid of losing the river, of losing water ".She paused to look at the sky, the stars seemed like snowflakes in the river of the sky. She wondered whether the sky is a reflection or the water is. They held hands and leaped into the water. Together they swam with linked arms. They headed down, where the bottom could be if there was one. The deeper they go, the darker the blue becomes. The water felt darker too as if the weight of it has settled. It's only when she felt a tug at her hand that she let herself be pulled back up to the surface.

She tried to look for the force pulling her but all she could see now was 'nothing'. She realized she needs to go for the search of the bottom. She takes a breath and dives, grateful for the dark of the water and the chills against her skin. She felt a strain of her lungs wanting air but she kept going. It feels a lot like the strain of trying to stay awake when she can feel the darkness sliding under her skin, trying to borrow her body without asking so that her hands become its hands, her legs its legs.


She dived deeper, lungs tight and burning. She felt a distant twinge of panic but she made her mind go quiet before she sent her body deeper. She wants to see how far she can go .' He's waiting for me '. The thought fills her. She can still feel the darkness working its way up, through her fingers, trying to grab hold. She felt some lights beside her, some inside and some on top. She does not know which one is coming from where or the original existence. After all, it's all light. After all, it's all one till it merges and deepens and mixes. But one of them is a different light. It's like she knows it is mixed into one but different as if the frequencies are talking to her as if the sounds are procrastinating the light. As if the invisible spectrum is visible somehow and she can count the light beams. They are slow but overpowering, shallow but deep, and sonorous as the biggest metal. She tries to get hold of that light, but couldn't. After all, it was all light at the end. How can you hold the light? But something in the vibrancy of the particles tempted her to touch it, to feel it. She couldn't understand what was this urge to meet the light so soon and so much. She couldn't explain it, but it was there. It was breathless but had the power to give the World life, and fragile it was, but not like a piece of glass, it was fragile like a heart. The heart was definitely stronger than the universe but again weaker than a particle. Such softness it carried, such tranquility and peace that was demanding her to sleep. Maybe sleep or wake-up, she does not know.. But then again, it was slow but really fast. Like the heartbeat. Constant. And just when she was about to fall for it, it held her. It held her from falling and cushioned her head and made her sleep and came to her in the form of a dream. But it wasn't a dream, it was a vision, for she can still see that light, she knows its not above her or beneath her... It's inside her It's inside her heart. That light suffered a million pains, a million scratches. That light uncountably witnessed everything, that light was the brightest and still the dimmest to calm down. The light she held hands with, the light that was a part of her... And the light that she demanded to be alright. The light listens to her but does not. Make the light understand that its absence will create darkness in her. Do not let the darkness reach her eyes, because she won't be able to see anything then. Anything except the wish for the light to come back

She likes it deeper, where the water feels heaviest. Water is better than running because it blocks everything out. Water is her special power, her way to cheat the 'asleep' and stop it from coming on.


She wants to go even deeper than this because the deeper the better. She wants to keep going, the burning sensation in her lungs. She stares longingly at the black where the bottom should be but isn't, and when she stares up again at the light, very faint but still there. She has a cold and dark feeling inside her - every bit as cold and dark as water. She finds the outer edge of the ' Blue hole ' where there's suddenly a bottom. If this blue could stay forever...if that home remains forever...she felt herself shining in the dark. She was prepared ...this is the momentary pause ...the dark moment. The fiddlers have lifted their bows ..the tides were the highest. Thus was her calling. This was her world. All is decided and ready ...she is rooted but she flows ...She heard a voice from the dark ." Come .. you'll meet him here ". THE RIVER MELTS AND MERGES INTO THE SEA...OR THE WATER MERGES INTO WATER."THE BOTTOM FOUND ".


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