Spring Day

The years here In Odisha has never been favorable for me. The days became burden to me, and I began hating myself, some day I would just be crying overcome by a lot of turmoil of my emotion. Some days I would just roam around, sit around, stare at walls blankly and feel and unusual feeling of emptiness, and I would long for the day to end and at the same time I would feel guilty of not using my days properly. There was a time when I couldn’t bear much and wanted to end everything. It was not too late that I started cutting myself too. It felt good; I couldn’t help, sometimes to reduce inner pain you need to give yourself some outer pain. It was just too harsh on me, I never had a beautiful view of this world, and can this darkness ever end. Moreover you couldn’t share with others what you are feeling inside you because people just never intend to understand. Some has gone so far to say that those who hurt themselves are mad, huh!! I wanted to make clear to them; nope never actually the real problem is with you guys who cannot understand. It isn’t something that every psychological illness needs electric shocks or mental hospital. And never ever compare depression with stress or tension. These two are lot different words. How could I explain you and express you, it’s just too different. It ain’t the same, never ever. It’s nothing sort of that we don’t understand life is beautiful, we do understand life is beautiful, but you know sometimes the heart isn’t okay and it isn’t ready to accept this fact that life is beautiful. When you feel a lot of turmoil inside you going through and you can’t share it to anyone, there is a lot of guilt filled inside you but you don’t understand for what, when you feel that the reason for every wrong thing with you is just you. The answer of every question is you. When the days just go without anything being felt, you feel empty and you are not interested in doing even those things which you want to do…I think that’s the depression. The darkness seems so long that you just couldn’t felt hurt anymore. The days just pass by; every second becomes burden on you. You want to end all, everything but you couldn’t.

You know this world, this people need to understand the meaning of depression. People keep on saying that if you have the courage to die then why not to live….or if you have courage to develop negative feelings against you then why can’t positive. I would really beg those people before giving advice just try to put yourself in our shoes and please don’t give these nonsense suggestions to anyone. They don’t make any sense. “It’s like saying to people how can you die out of Asthma when you have a lot of air in atmosphere” or “why do people die in water out of suffocation, when they have courage to breathe on land then why not in water, they should also breathe in water.”

However to all those people suffering from depression remember always

“No darkness or no season can last forever as said by BTS (the biggest boy band in the world). Someday there will be light….Someday there will be spring; you will blossom again like the flowers of cherry blossom”. All you need is to wait for that spring ….wait for that source of light. Look at tress they shed their leaves during winter and are seemingly die but the spring comes and they are in full bloom … the thing to be noted is how trees suffer all through this and wait for the spring. Similarly you have to be patient, deal with this darkness or winter and wait for the spring.