Dear Mother

26 October 2022

Dear Mother,

How are you? How's Father? How is his health? Radha and Aryan, how are they? Does Aryan still fall from the bed while sleeping? I am fine, I am doing great. You know I'm not allowed to write letters like this on duty, but I just want to write today. I miss you a lot. I want to see you. I want to sleep in your lap for once. It's been too long. 

Here, I am working as a doctor in a recognised hospital and as a family doctor for the enemy. They say he is a key person in that terrorist conspiracy. I have proved not once but many times that it wasn't a conspiracy but a well thought out strategy in which a famed political figure of the country was also involved. These last few months have been quite hard on me, I am being followed by people and hence can't write to you often but today, I just miss you a lot. I can't help writing to you.

I feel suffocated and it's hard to breathe. I want to eat your hand-cooked dishes, but it feels like a dream now. I regret not spending enough time with you or father or with Radha or Aryan. Mother, will I be able to see you? Mother- I have a question for a very long time, I wanted to ask you, Am I a good daughter? Was I a good older sister to them? I know I was never good and have always been troublesome, but can you tell me for once that I was a good daughter. I know I don't deserve anything; I shouldn't expect anything when I failed to provide any of that which I should have provided.

I love you. I love you and everybody else so much. If I was normal, like other children. If I had listened to my father and did engineering, I would have purchased one house for both of you. Then you could cook every day for me. I would drop Radha and Aryan off at their school on my way to the office and then take them to amusement parks. We would be celebrating Diwali together every year.

I often wonder what it would have been like if I was like any other ordinary child. Are you also a mother? Do you also wonder what it would be like if I was like an ordinary child, working in an office. Maybe you wouldn't be always worried.  I am sorry for always worrying you. It's been years since I last saw your face. Are you eating healthy? Tell father to not think too much, will you? I am sorry I can't take care of you. Mother, I miss you so many. 

Yours

Meera

15th December 2022

Dear Mother,

They found out about me. I was shot. The bullet just grazed my heart. They said I would have been dead with even one inch difference. I am fine now. Your daughter is not scared at all but has become more courageous. The mission from now would be more dangerous since they would have seen my face.

Mother don't be angry please. I thought I would die, but then I remembered your face. How can I die without knowing if I am eating healthy? Last time I saw you, you were sick, your face was pale due to fever. How careless am I ? I left you in that condition. My mother, will you forgive me? Will my father ever forgive me? Sometimes I feel like dying. Sometimes I want to die. There are thoughts, pictures in my head. They don't let me sleep. Often, I am too alarmed to sleep. Can I see you again, mother? I want to come home, but I don't want to put you all at risk. Mother, it hurts me, mother. Can you please take care of yourself well? Mother, please can you love me?

This wound doesn't hurt, mother. Not being able to take care of yourself does. Mother, I miss you a lot. Please don't push me away from you. I love you and I have always wanted to take care of you like other children do. I wanted to take you on a walk with me to the park. I always wanted to go grocery shopping with you. I always wanted to go on a shopping spree with you. Dear Mother, I am so sorry. Forgive me, mother. 

I will be writing very little from now on, mother. They know about me. They have seen my face.

Yours

Meera

26 September 2023

Dear Mother,

This could be the last letter. I am not very sure. After being discharged from the hospital, I joined in my mission. Two weeks ago, I was being chased. I got bullets in my leg and at the back. I hid myself in an all-girls dorm, but I know that they know my location, and somebody is on their way to finish my story. But I am your daughter, mother. I will never lose. Last time an assassin came to kill me. The dorm girls hid me. They are the ones providing for me, my mother. He took care of me, cleaning my wounds, bandaging them. I feel secure and comfortable here, but I have to change my location within three days, or it will have very bad consequences on these girls. Recently, I have had to change my location frequently. I can't stay at one place, and hence this can be the last letter because this will be the last place, I will be staying more than two days.

I will come back soon.

Yours

Meera.