Sit But Don't Stare

Last Sunday, as I was sitting on the couch after finishing the newspaper, our 150 year old 'The Crimes of India', I mean our good old TOI, I turned and saw that wife was sitting by & shelling peas ! Instinctively, she knew as all humans do, that she was being watched ! She gave me a quizzical look and asked me why I was staring at her. I said nothing - just looking at you. She said haven't you heard what Subrahmanyan has said ? I asked who Subrahmanyan ? She said the guy who works and works and works and doesn't stare at his wife like other workless & worthless people like you. Now you have retired and don't even work for 9 hours in a week, let alone 90 hours ! I pointed out that I was working hard when I was working ! She said never in your life have you touched even 70, forget 90 ! Not Subbu but even Murthy wouldn't employ you. I said Murthy in our next building can't afford even a retired version of me. She gave me a pathetic look and said she was talking of Narayana Murthy. I told her if you talked as much as Sudha Murthy did, I would have clocked all 168 hours of the week, not just 70 ! 

I tried to change the topic and told her that staring at one’s wife is not all that bad, irrespective of what Subbu says - even M/s Anand Mahindra and Adar Poonawala have admitted that they love staring at their wives even if they (meaning their wives) don't shell peas. And you actually look so lovely peeling them, that I feel like telling Mr Mahindra & Poonawala to buy a kilo of the green stuff and try the stare ! Wife gave me a wild look and said,  instead of talking crap and staring at me and doing other useless things like reading newspapers, novels, listening to music, watching OTT shows and going swimming, if you had worked like Subbu, we would have a fleet of Mercs & BMWs ! And penthouses and holiday homes ! And look how famous you would have become if you had not only worked, but talked about the virtues of working on Sundays and for 90 hours, instead of preaching your outdated theories of work life balance & leaving office on time and spending quality time with family and other such rubbish ! You would even have featured on CNBC and Amul bill boards !

I am now reconsidering my criticism & cynical reaction to Mr Subbu's 'regret' for not calling his subjects on Sundays to slog their backsides off - in what is his clarion call for nation building ! I am going to begin by spending 9 minutes helping wife to shell peas and gradually increase my productive hours by staring at other legumes & then graduating to staring intently at methi & spinach leaves instead of staring at ... you know who !

Shree Bhave