Road To Spiritual Awakening

There was a time when I was confused about my life. It was about career, relationships, social circle, family and everything that comes under human life and humanity. In school time, I have been a anxious person specially when I have to deal with public. I was not able to speak properly. I never able to tell anyone what is going in my mind. I didn't blame anyone not disobey anyone. Even if is about haunting my self and as a person per se. But I always did those things that makes me happy. I participated in every extracurriculum activities like volleyball, badminton, skating, fine arts, dance music and handwriting competition. I never got any prize still I was happy that I am enjoying that I love to do. 

I started getting self harming thoughts like to put my face in the water so that I will fall unconscious. These types of dark thoughts keep going but never went to extreme. But another day I again start to do things that makes me happy. And just like that time goes on. But later, after coming to college I made friends but feels anxious most of the time. Specially, when I have to study and get good marks. Family issues was not stopping at all and even getting worse day by day. I started spending more in college with friends and chilling.

I went to college trip that was amazing memory of my life till that time. I started taking interest in adventures trip specially trekking in mountains. Then I went to study masters. I was not focusing on studies and keep feeling haunted all the time that anyone will come and scold me that the thing I am most afraid of "Scolding". I spent time on Banaras Ghat to relax myself and started a new hobby of playing guitar. Again I was unable to speak to classmates. However, they were very good to me but I utilize my time on my enjoyment and hobbies. I showed my hand to palmist to see what written in my fate but that didn't satisfied me. Again, went on to lots of confusion and queries. 

After coming home, things was going off from my hand, I was not able to study for my exams. Finally, a turning point came, I went to Vipassana meditation. It was 100 hours long meditation retreat. I came home and felt awareness about many things. I set up a discipline routine, wake up and sleeping on time. I start doing again all the things that I want to achieve. Still, after an year things again went like before. I fought and become so aggressive on everyone who comes around me. I took medicine, therapy but nothing worked on deepest level. I started reading Bhagwad Gita, Shiv ji Strotam, Hanuman Chalisa. I wanted deep inner peace that will work everywhere I go and live. The things got calm down after some time. But still going through same phase. My mood swings were not stopping but I realize this will be with me and it's natural being a human. I understood when I will accept the things that is happening with me only then It will stop pocking me. Even now I am doing things that makes me happy. And the struggles goes on. 

After all this, I learnt no matter what obstacles will come. It is the part of my life. I will fall and again stand up and start walking. Finally, I learnt one thing, until I am alive I can do anything. I mean anything.