Part VIII - The Envelope
Part VIII - The Envelope11 mins 209 11 mins 209
Going down an escalator, we reach the customs.
Passing through the customs, we continue our way to the baggage collection.
From baggage collection, we begin our way through the long hallway, dragging our suitcases behind us.
Very soon, we reach that opaque, white door.
To James, it may look like an ordinary door - which, realistically, it is. But to me... to me, that door means the end.
The doors open and reveal a vast crowd of people as they wait for their loved ones. Then I see a few people with boards. Names and surnames are written on them. Usually, this part would be my favourite part of my whole trip. But this time, the feeling of dread surpasses any other emotion.
Without my notice, James sneaks his hand to my left shoulder, guiding me towards him. Only when I feel his pull do I realise I am under his hold.
I feel him leading me somewhere, away from all the people. Reaching an empty place, we both halt. I feel his grip upon me vanish.
Then he takes a step in front of me before facing me. He gazes at me and I can't help but gaze back.
We both stay like that, just looking at each other, no words have to be said between us. They say that actions speak louder than words...
I try my hardest to control the lump in my throat, but I can't.
"Well, I guess this is it..." I begin, breaking the silence. I hear my voice shake and quiver. My breath hitches as more tears accumulate in my eyes.
I bit my lip in another attempt to stop the gathering of the tears in my eyes, but I fail. One or two manage to escape and roll down my cheeks.
Straight away, I feel his fingers gently caress my cheeks, rubbing the tears away. He then rubs my cheeks again, and again, and again, each stroke managing to catch an odd tear or two.
"Don't cry, okay?".
I gently shudder in his hands, trying to obey his words, but I don't succeed in doing as he said. I breakdown crying.
Then, I find myself in his embrace. It only took seconds for me to hug him back.
Then, I am slowly starting to realise something. Though thoughts have been popping in and out of my head throughout the trip, I didn't think that anything would happen between us.
I am feeling strong emotions for James and I can feel them becoming even stronger the longer his eyes stay on me.
'Love!' My heart shouts at me. 'You love him, you know you do. Admit it!'.
'Admit it! You have never felt like this about anyone. Ever. Not even towards your first love,' my heart just intensifies the pain with its words.
Very soon, I know that my mind and my heart are going to have a riot. A war.
'Even if I do love him... what is the point of loving him? I might never see him again!' My mind strikes back.
'You don't know what will happen. Are you really going to let an opportunity as good as this one to find your true love slip and go away with such ease?' My heart asks. 'Because from what we have both experienced, that is not how we handle these types of situations.'. A pause. 'Now, instead of trying to convince you, I am going to ask you. Do you actually love him?'.
I feel my mind growl in frustration.
'I feel a lot of things about him, A LOT. And one of them is love, yes, love. I do feel love for him. He grew on me so easily, so quickly. That's what scares me... the fact that he got my heart so quickly...'.
'You will never know what will happen if you don't give it a shot,' my heart replies seconds later.
'But what if he causes me pain?'.
'If he does break me, we will know how to deal with it. It will be hard, but we will get through this, together...'.
Then, silence. Something I didn't expect.
'Why do you allow people to break you?' my mind questions.
'If I don't break, how am I then going to love?'.
I freeze, I feel the pain in my chest begin to pulsate.
"If I don't break, how am I then going to love?" I repeat the sentence in my head.
I don't realise until now that my eyes have travelled down to his chest. We are not longer in our embrace.
"Are you okay?" his voice shakes me with fright, causing me to look up at him.
Once I do, I give him a smile before nodding at him.
Usually, I would simply gaze at him, but this time, I am looking at him and thinking. Thinking over what my mind and my heart have said.
I don't think I can handle another heartbreak, its what I always say and then I get my heart broken. I feel like this has become a cycle.
'I have a feeling about him, a good one...' my heart begins. 'You have to trust me on this one...'.
Another wave of silence.
'O-okay...' my mind gives in.
Then, as if something has changed in me. I blink myself out of my trance before looking back into his eyes. Then a sensation hit me, that sensation which I felt only hours ago when I first landed my eyes on him.
That feeling that would haunt me if I don't do anything about it but would feel so passionate when I fulfil its requests.
One thing is for sure, though the emotions I am feeling now are stronger, the strongest they have ever been. All my actions seem to match or get very close to what I have experienced in my past.
I am in love again...
And this love is not any type of love, this love is the love I always saw and declared as non-existent. Love at first sight.
'Turns out that love at first sight does exist...' My heart tells my mind.
"I-I am sorry..." I shudder through my tears.
"For what?" I note the sympathy in his voice. I can see that he too is saddened, hurt...
"I am sorry that this is how it ends..." I mutter under my breath.
My words held more pain than expected. I end up pulling him back into a hug.
"How what ends?". Now his voice quivers.
"Us..." I say but just above a whisper.
"I- I think I am in love with you, James..." I add seconds later, as now I once again breakdown into tears, I cry hard, the hardest I have ever cried.
He doesn't say anything but I feel how he tightens his hug.
"Shhh..." he reassures me. "Shhh, don't cry...".
Seconds later, he lets me go, just for his palms to land softly on my red cheeks.
A gentle, sympathetic smile grows on his lips.
"Look at you all red from crying..." he says through that smirk, I can tell he is trying to lift my spirit, but it's not working.
Only seconds manage to pass before another urge to cry washes over me, I am too weak to stop it.
"Shhh... no more crying..." He whispers to me, I am once again held in his arms as we both sway from side to side.
I feel him move his head. He looks down at me as I look up at him.
He smiles at me and I try to smile back.
"I am sorry... this wasn't meant to happen, you seeing me cry...".
"No, no, no... don't be ridiculous, there is no reason for you to be sorry..." he replies. From there, his grip upon my body is gone. I feel him push an odd strand of hair behind my ear. "I think that showing emotions is one of the most beautiful things a person can do..." he adds.
My chest begins to ache at his words. Despair spreads throughout my whole body.
But before anything else could happen, I hear his voice...
"No crying, okay?". I look at him, he tilts his head to the left, as his eyes look deeply into mine.
"Okay?" he asks again, his lips curve into another one of his smiles.
Without warning, his hands descend to my waist before he gently draws my body towards his.
His lips come in contact with my forehead, giving me a gentle kiss. My hands wrap back around his body.
Backing away ever so slightly, his eyes land back onto mine.
He gazes at me.
"You know?" he begins.
"I think I'm in love with you too..." he says.
His hands raise back from my waist to my cheeks, cupping them. I see the way his head begins its way towards mine.
He stops, with our noses being only millimetres apart.
"Even after crying, you look so beautiful..." he whispers to me. His words caught me off guard, right before his thumbs giving gentle caresses my cheeks.
Then, before anything else could enter my head, I find his lips crash onto mine. At first, I tense up before I give myself up to the feeling.
Without my notice, my hands travel up to his cheeks.
Then his tongue manages to slyly find it's way to mine. They both begin to dance with each other, caress one another. I notice how his kiss is rough, yet at the same time holds some sort of softness. Holds some sort of viciousness, yet contains so much love that I can't help but want more, want more of his kiss, want more of the love he is showing me.
We stay tangled by our lips for some time.
In what felt like minutes, our lips separate, then suddenly, I feel a bit upon my lip. He bites me before pulling my lower lip gently towards him until my lip slips out of his grip.
Then I feel him dragging his nose by my cheek as he lets out his growls. He would drop down to my neck where he would give me a peck or two before heading back up towards my ear.
"I love you..." he whispers to me.
"I love you too..." I whisper back. The lump in my throat has never hurt this bad...
Then, he backs up and gazes at me, I gaze back at him, but the more I look at him, the more pain I can feel.
So with that, I turn around, grab my suitcase. I then move towards him, before closing my head toward his. I give his cheek a kiss.
Turning around, I am about to leave, but as I am about to make my first step...
I turn to him.
"I-I have something for you..." he says before producing a small envelope from his right pocket.
Closing that bit of space between us, he hands me the envelope.
"I want you to have this, don't open it now... please," he says, leaving me slightly confused.
"Wait, why? What is in this envelope, a letter?" I give a guess.
He lets out a gentle, respectful sigh looking me in the eyes, I see the unease on his face.
"Inside the envelope is something... and if you read it now, I don't think I'll be able to hold myself together. That's it why I ask you to read it somewhere when you are alone. Okay?".
I nod to his words, placing the envelope into my pocket.
Then, he quickly descends his head towards mine, our lips once again meet, with a separation happening only seconds later.
"Remember, we might see each other soon, sooner than we think...".
His words cause another wave of sadness to flow over me, but this time, I am able to control it. I try my hardest to not let a tear roll down my face.
"And if we never see each other again, I just want to say goodbye and that I hope life treats you well. It was great travelling with you...". With me saying that I quickly turn around, grab my belongings and rush off and out of the airport.
The further I find myself away from James, the more pain I feel in my chest. Once again, tears begin to rush down my face, the worst thing is that I, once again, can't control them.
I don't want to look back at him right now as I know what will happen, more pain and more tears.
A numb feeling spreads in the pit of my stomach, churning in circles as I realise that we might have ended something that would have been so beautiful...
'Ended? Nothing has ended yet...' my heart says.
'How can you be so sure?... That might have been the last time we would ever have seen him...'.
'Did you forget about the envelope, who knows what is inside it...' heart replies.
With that, I halt, taking out the white cover that holds something inside. I look at it.
"W-What do I do now?" I ask myself.
'Now?... Well, now all we have to do is wait...' my heart replies, as I continue my way through the small, snow-covered bridge.
I take a few more steps forward before I once again stop.
For the first time ever since I left him, I can't help but turn around and look at what's behind me. I see a figure, I feel like it's him, it looks like him. The figure is sitting down on a bench, hands in his hair. The sight furthermore sadness me.
I want to go back there, but I can't. I know what will happen if I do so.
So, instead, I turn around and, once again, walk away from him, heading further and further, but yet at the same time hope that we will meet again.
I walk into the car part, looking for a familiar car, my friend's car, that will take me home.
I hope, I truly hope, James, that our next encounter will be soon...
Sooner than both you and I think...