Raju Ganapathy

Comedy Classics

3  

Raju Ganapathy

Comedy Classics

Occam's Razor

Occam's Razor

5 mins
257


The HTM and AM got together in a meeting to resolve brewing crisis. You may wonder what are HTM and AM. Here goes the explanation. HTM is the abbreviated form for Head I win, tail you lose Minister and AM stands for Agree Minister. His unique quality is that even if he disagrees with you, he would say let us agree to disagree. Their agenda was to agree or to agree to disagree with the ongoing farmers’ strike.

Now the HTM was considered to be a direct descendant of Chanakya although Chanakya married a Brahmin woman. May be someone in the Chanakya’s descendant in the last few hundred years decided to cast away the caste. Anyway, coming to the point the Chanakya magic wasn’t working like before. The times were too complex and HTM came across Occam’s Razor. If you were to Google (Google is an all-knowing entity so much so that if it doesn’t exist in Google, it doesn’t exist at all, including God) you would get the following understanding. Occam's razor or law of parsimony is the problem-solving principle that "entities should not be multiplied without necessity", or more simply, the simplest explanation is usually the right one. HTM got charmed by this principle and decided to apply in case of the farmers’ protest issue.

He explained to AM. Let us consider two explanations. Firstly, a straightforward one was that the farmers are striking since they do not like the farm laws or some of the content of this. So, we could suspend the law and enter into a dialogue with them and work out new amendments or come up with a new law. In any case, passing law is like a cup of tea for us in the government these days. Then the AM asked what is the second explanation. The HTM replied that farmers are striking since their movement has been taken over by Khalistanis or the communists or the Maoist or the’ tukde tukde’ gang is instigating them, or they like the pizza they are fed with and want more of it or they like the biryani and continue to eat it or the opposition is against the PM and hence they are supporting the strike and so on. The AM got too stunned by the intelligence displayed by the HTM and asked “what do we do sir?” Then the HTM said “let me call for a meeting with the Director, CID.”

A few hours later Director, CBI walked in for the meeting. Now CBI stands for Central Bureau of Imbecility and their officers are famously known for their IQ (high or low you can decide from the name itself). The HTM usually allots cases which requires ingenuity to this department. HTM briefed him about the farmers strike and said in order to prove that the first explanation is the valid explanation we need to prove the second explanation as not valid. Director nodded in agreement. Soon the Director was back in his head quarters and called for a meeting of his deputies.

He too then briefed the deputies and said “I need answers within a week.” A week later they met. Mrs Annapoorni who was investigating the pizza and the biriyani issue presented her report. She said that her findings revealed that the pizza was entirely made with refined flour (maida) which was a by-product of wheat when milled in the modern mills. It was also true that only in 4.1 % of cases that the farmers got minimum support price for the wheat. In case of the biriyani, most cases the biriyani was not made of Basmati rice but local varieties. But fortunately, their investigation confirmed that cow was not used as the meat for the biriyani. However, the food deliveries were made by the companies that had Chinese investment and requires a much deeper investigative study which was beyond their scope.

The officer Gangwar who investigated the’ tukde tukde’ gang said their investigation yielded nothing. They came across a government reply to a RTI question that ‘tukde tukde’ gang did not exist. However, some ministers in spite of PM’s caution continue to use this expression to divert attention.

In so far as the Khalistani involvement the officer Truetodo reported that the PM of Canada in order to appease the numerous Sikh citizen in his country has been making some noise. There wasn’t much ado about that he concluded with a dramatic flourish.

Communist and Maoists are nothing but local termites said another officer Gagoi and just requires some pesticide application. Or we can use the sedition Act and put them behind bars. The courts would not come to their rescue for another decade, he concluded.

In my investigation said another officer Videsh we didn’t come across any Chinese or Paki hand. Yet again this was a ruse merely to divert the attention from the impending problem.

The Director, CBI was much too pleased with the findings. His head swelled with pride with the findings and he appreciated the IQs of his officers.

Finally, when the PM saw the report, he thought it was good that he was growing a beard and didn’t need the Occam’s razor at all. He looked at the FM (minister who makes funny statements) who said all this was an Act of God and God was testing our PM who was always thinking of good of the farmers.

Upon hearing that the report titled Occam’s Razor has been shelved the two leading corporate honchos (brains behind the farmer laws) wrote out a cheque of untold amount in favour of PMCARES.


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