Nadda's Truckathon

It was the best of time to change the history of the nation altogether. The party had "Naddad" for yet another truckathon. The minorities, leftists, liberals were already in jitters. What will it be this time? Will it be the Taj Mahal in the north or the Gol Gumbaz in the south? Will it be to bring down the last bastion of secular forces in Tamilnadu, Bengal and Kerala? In Tamilnadu, half the battle already won with the All India Aryan-Dravidian Munnetra Kazhagam already declaring both allegiance and alliance for the 2021 poll. Rajini can't do it due to health problems, there was only one 'Stalin' in the progress. The PMO has already identified Thirukural couplets that PM can render when he storms the Dravidian country for blowing the poll bugle. Grapevine is that an event ala Namaste Trump is being planned called 'Soukyama Chitthi (how are you aunt?)' in Chennai, two birds with one stone strategy. Idli, sambhar would be made part of the national food heritage to woo the Tamilians. The poll promise would be to usher in the MGRamachandra Rajya in the state. 'Khusboo' of the saffron will be the flavour of the year in 2021.

Nadda Raja wanted to prepare well for the forthcoming 'agnipariksha' in 2021. He wanted to learn the ways of the Tamilians - a set of pride Dravidians, they were. He decided to appoint a tutor who would help him train from the Dravidian Finishing School. The DFS had identified one Marimuthu, a hard-boiled Dravidian for the purpose.

Mairmuthu had thrown the gauntlet to Nadda Raja in the very first meeting itself. He said he would not speak Hindi and use very occasionally English. Besides Tamil, they could use the language of the dummies. Nadda had no other option. Lessons began easy enough. A for amma, akka, anna and appa, Then the hard part came U for Uzh(ழ)al (corruption) and L for lanjam( bribe). Marimuthu emphasised the fact that the last two words must be learnt by heart as it was prevalent everywhere in Tamilnadu and the best way to get things to get done. Nadda could not get the pronunciation of the word Uzhal. He was saying Usssal or Uzzal much to the irritation of Mari. Then Mari in a tone of disgust told Nadda that he was going to give him a sentence which he must practice to get the pronunciation of ழ correctly. The sentence went thus

Vyazhak Kizha-my vazhai pazha tholil kizhavan vazhikku vizhundhan (it meant that on Thursday old man slipped on a banana-fruit leaf). The standard sentence given to practice learning the pronunciation of letter ழ.

Nadda tried hard and practised day and night but ended twisting his tongue and had to visit an ENT specialist in the bargain. As if this was not enough Mari came carrying a lunch box and a set of banana leaves and said you will have to learn eating rice and rasam from a banana leaf and went on to demonstrate the same without spilling. First, he made a small mountain of rice and a dent. He poured the rasam generously in the dent till the rasam started running here and there on the banana leaf. Mari expertly swiped the rice and rasam and slurped it. Not a drop leaked outside on to the table. Mari went on to explain this practise of eating from a banana leaf has made Tamilnadu a state renowned for lakes and anicuts. He gave a satisfactory burp and looked at Nadda who was wincing with pain as his jaw had dropped and got dislocated.

Mari said learning the letter ழ and eating rice and rasam were the hardest of all lessons. Without these two skills, you cannot win the heart and votes of Tamilians. He continued and said that the last two lessons were of course learning the rudimentary skill of lungi dance and silambattam (a defence technique using bamboo sticks).

Mari grinned as he said if you pass in the tests, I will treat you to the famous Dindigul Thalapakatti Biriyani, chicken or mutton you can choose. Mari caressed his handlebar moustache and advised Nadda to grow one himself.

Nadda was in a dilemma as to whether nada (walk) or sit.