My Own Place

"The mind is its own place, and in itself

can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."

Days passed, months passed. My heart was gone away with him, while he disappeared. No, physical existence remained of him, but the time I spend with him, the hole in my heart was proof he existed.

His piece of paper which I read millions of times every day made my heart shiver. After almost a year, the pain of losing him was the same as I felt in the jungle. That day luckily or unluckily, I was saved by some people who were hunting in the jungle, still, I wasn't ready to go with them but my body didn't react as my heart ordered. I was sent to the hospital for almost 3 days, which cured my body but couldn't cure my heart.

It felt like the heaviest stone put on my soft heart which still loves him so much. I still hoped to see him, to meet him, tell him to come back. But he was gone, my heart ached of the thought. I couldn't sleep, insomnia has become my companion. Still doesn't know it's my companion or betrayal that has left me to live like a hell life for another more few hours of the night.

Every single thing, every single moment just makes me think of him. I don't remember when last I was in my senses, when did I laugh, when my eyes sparkle. Today I don't remember who am I? I have forgotten the way to live. The sole goal of my life has gone, but the goal took my life with him. I was now just a dead living and counting minutes, hours of my life. I don't feel any kind of pain rather than him. He was the one I feel. My heart only reacts to his name.

I do eat. I do take care of my Mumma as I was being told. But my soul was gone. My love was gone. My desires were gone. My dreams were gone as all were just related to him.

Although my heart reacts to his name, my heart cries too for him. Every second of my life makes me realize he was everything in my life and now I have turned into nothing.

But still, I pray God gives him best. Might he be living his best life? He might have got new friends, new love. God makes him happy as never before, and I wish at some point in my life, I meet him. I want my life back or ask him to take it at all. I don't want to live a dead person.

I hoped I get my love back or at least him back. The presence of him was all I desire now.