Lela, The Bride-To-Be

Lela, The Bride-To-Be

9 mins
377


Lela had been a wonderful bridesmaid for the weddings of all her 14 best friends. Months after months, she had been an incredible hands-on companion one could ever ask for, someone who tirelessly participated in every small event leading up to the big day, ensuring her friends had the most memorable moments to cherish. Deep within, she longed for her own fairy tale wedding with a Prince Charming. Except she hoped to find a Prince who not only could be the giver of the abundance of love, protection and support but would also accept her love, suggestions and dreams. An equal partnership where both wouldn’t hesitate to surrender their inhibitions thereby feeling strong as a team.

Hailing from a progressive family profusely helped Lela to not be burdened by the looming thoughts of being a single 33 years old. She continued to pursue her career, enjoyed family vacations and picked new hobbies too along the way. Her parents and her younger sister had been Lela’s strongest support system who helped her remain calm and blissful.

Surprisingly, over time, Lela had discovered a new found love from people who were hitherto unheard of.

“Lela should perhaps quit her job and abandon all those business travels. A traditional outlook could land her appropriate offers,” offered one of her distant relatives.

“Lela, do you think you made a mistake doing masters abroad? You know, it is one of these unsaid rules. Earning lesser than a man boosts a man’s ego. It makes him feel like he is in control. Of course, you were academically always a genius; however, with time you should play the cards right to avoid such late-marriage anxiety, “explained one of the well-wisher neighbors. “

“Lela, you ok? You look extremely exhausted and worried” opined a colleague.

“Lela, everything happens for a reason. This rough phase will soon pass” declared another friend.

All that Lela managed to do skillfully was to empathize with such people.

Lela was such a natural at home making; it had not once occurred to her that she had to quit her full time job to prove it. She retaliated the allegation and grappled to comprehend how being a career oriented woman and a complete family girl was mutually exclusive.

Lela’s parents had been model parents; they had given their all to ensure the two girls had the best education, best exposure, utmost inspiration. Never once did they let the consequences of the restrictions that a middle-class income imposes impact the girls. But, now, all of the hard work and sacrifice had to go in vain to please a random person? Lela felt angry and disturbed. It was ridiculous how certain strata of the society still possessed some sort of a “garbage mindset” which was dangerous for the posterity.

Lela laughed it off when people indicated her marriage –delay as a bad part of life. At times, she had bags under her eyes having worked over time for a critical project or perhaps due to being at a volunteering event; she’d look naturally bit tensed even if she had missed her monthly payments or the evening cab. The world, however, decided to connect all of the dots to “lack of marriage prospects.”

Several months later, Lela phoned her best friend Shilpa. She was delighted to meet Shilpa after a really long time. They both complimented each other well, in a rare kind of manner. They were both women who had their head on their shoulders.

Shilpa proceeded to hug Lela when she saw Lela arrive at the Café house. Visible excitement painted both their faces. A vegetarian pizza, a mug of fries and two cups of green tea – their order was straightforward.

Shilpa could not wait any longer to hear about the man Lela had talked about for over 3 months now.

Lela said “He comes across as kind, smart, considerate and very inquisitive.”

“We share a common interest in reading autobiographies and watching cricket” she continued.

“I like the vibes, Shilpa” smiled Lela.

“Oh my god! Now, tell me when the big day of celebration is?” asked Shilpa, sounding too enthusiastic.

Lela lowered her eyes. “Hmm, there is something I want to share with you, Shilpa.”

“Deepak is a great guy. He has been living overseas for about 4 years now and plans to live there for several years. This is completely fine by me since I too wish to live and work overseas. My arrangements to have my parents regularly around just, so we do not live apart for long are also well planned. “

Shilpa nodded gently and listened intently.

“There is somehow one tricky issue, Shilpa. The country where Deepak is located has a complex work structure for spouses coming in. I can live yet not work. It is practically impossible to obtain a work visa for various valid reasons. So, there is a good chance I might end up being home for quite a long time. Of course, I can pick up hobbies, take some time off and learn new skills. But, how long? There is no certainty.”

Did you discuss this with Deepak? Questioned Shilpa.

Lela replied in positive – “Oh yes, I did, Shilpa. He in fact understood how I must be feeling. He suggested that I study and then work thereafter.”

“Shilpa, I am looking at spending time with him and then having a family. If I chose to study now, it would take away good 1.5-2 years. I do not believe it will give me the smooth balance between personal and professional life. Even if I did study and work, there is no guarantee that I am assured of work for longer than 3 years. It will still be a gamble. The case is no different for him either. It would be a testing time every few years for us.”

Shilpa waited for Lela to pause and then immediately checked if Lela had thought of a Plan B.

Lela lowered her eyes yet again. She said, “Yes, I have. There is an opportunity at my organization for me to relocate to another country. The best part is, the visa is on a very long term basis and spouses too can work. We will have no visa hassles.”

“I do not understand if I should tell this to Deepak, Shilpa. I am afraid people may frown at me for being demanding, or even selfish? What if the marriage itself is canceled? You do know, how, a lot of people strongly emphasize that my nature and particularity could be the reason for the delays in marriage. I fight these thoughts out of mind. My family and close friends help me. Nevertheless, there are those moments when I feel helpless and under confident. I am utterly confused, Shilpa. Should I go ahead and ask, anyway?”

“You know, Shilpa. In fact, I don’t even want Deepak to move out immediately. That would be hard on him too. I can wait for a year or more if it demands until he is ready to make the move. Keeping in mind long term perspective, I want to see if we can work it out smoothly.”

Shilpa pondered for a while and then said, “Lela, my dear, I know where the doubt and fear come from. I feel bad that even a wonderful and a strong woman like you sometimes has to yield to public talk. I won’t blame you. Let me tell you one thing, Lela. I truly admire the fact that you are ready to communicate and negotiate. Exactly how partners must be. Relationships are fragile, Lela. What promotes growth and happiness is constant and open communication with a flexible approach. It is and should always be a win-win. “

Lela, continued Shilpa, “No matter what the outcome of this discussion is, the fact is that you are a person who shares her views, offers an opinion and wants to take an initiative. These establish you as a woman with an amazing personality.”

Blind obedience can and should never be regarded as one of the traits of a “good” woman. More than anybody else’s validation, a woman should treat herself with respect and absolute worth. Be it a movie choice for the night or buying furniture for the family; paying bills at the restaurant or chasing her dreams; taking major decisions or customizing an already concluded one, a woman should not only be financially independent but learn to have a say. To make our presence felt and our identity important, it is us women who have to work hard for a common good. That is the only way we can bring about a metamorphosis in the conditioning of the basic mindset.

As a society we have all come a long way – We see fantastic men and women who are feminists; liberal living is highly encouraged. Day after day, women are coming out and embracing each other so gracefully. Yet, deep within, we know we are not there yet. Not fully.

Shilpa squeezed Lela’s hand, “Hence, women like you and I must take baby steps to inspire a larger lot.”

Success can never elude persistence and patience. Nay, not for long.

Lela agreed, “True, Shilpa. It is all in the little acts. I might take a step back and not speak up today. It could feel safe for a while, since, getting married right away feels like the best thing. Much Later, I might end up feeling I have given up something I like owing to which I could live like I have done a favor to my partner. Such a poor thinking can harbor lot of negativity - disastrous even.”

“Yes, Lela, affirmed Shilpa. It sounds very fair and just to me. Have a conversation with him. Listen to his perspective. Considering the kind of people you are, I am more than optimistic you will ascertain the situation very well. ”

Shilpa wanted to share a few incidents she was cognizant of. She mentioned how one of her distance relatives was happily married for a year- Soon after, she was asked to share all her earnings with the husband. This threw her in a devastated state. His explanation: “I allowed you to work and earn. You owe me money. I shall manage all the finances.”

Another very recent incident was of Shilpa’s very good friend and a colleague who had endured a year’s ordeal. Her fault – Nothing! She was asked not to take care of her parents and was told that she was only responsible for her husband and in-laws post marriage. This, according to them, is our culture. Poor girl’s parents were also humiliated for not giving her away like an object!

Lela’s expression said it all. She thought it was all ridiculous streams of expectations. Shilpa confirmed how the two women in case went through stages of long sulks, state of denial, negotiation, discussions, fights, emotions et all. In the end, they proved beyond doubt that they were ever ready to fight for what is right. Lela thought it was very inspiring to know of such incredible women.

Lela sensed how relieved she was. There were latent fears that just about vanished post the coffee time with Shilpa. The little twinkle in Lela’s eyes prompted Shilpa to order a red velvet cake to sign off on a happy note.


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