Laat Maro Goliko (Kick the Bullet)
Laat Maro Goliko (Kick the Bullet)3 mins 209 3 mins 209
Dhritarashtra asked Sanjaya about what is happening in India. Sanjaya fine-tuned his doordarshak Yantra (telescope) and randomly focussed on one captain Aamir. He started his narration.
"Beef up the security" ordered the Captain. The Major said "mind your language. Don't you know beef is not looked upon favorably? You may use the word strengthen instead." Captain swallowed with difficulty. Major thought that the Captain was required to do a major in political science with a specialization in Indian nationalism. His wife called up to say it was Tapioca biriyani with beef for lunch on his birthday. He had bought a Patani suit but no more- sure about his choice lest he is identified as the outsider.
He told his wife ruefully "these days one has to be careful about one's choices. He elaborated "let it better be the Padman who is your favorite actor rather than the Khans; definitely not Deepika but Kangana is welcome."
He further added, "rather you visit the Swaminarayan temple than the Taj Mahal even if it was to celebrate your marriage anniversary."
"Anything of excess is detestable" retorted his wife. It is good to add a pinch of saffron to the kheer. It gives the right tinge and aroma. But excess of it? No question. She as usual had made a subtle point.
"We are seeing Ram Rajya everywhere. One must be careful about where does one draw the Laxman Rekha." retorted his wife.
One day the Captain was immersed in the internet. His wife asked him what about? He said "I was wondering what was this controversy all about Ayurvedic doctors performing surgery. Wasn't Sushruta considered the Father of Indian Surgery. Way back in 600 BC he performed the first surgery." Indian Medical Association has issued a threat for a strike against Ayurvedic practitioners performing surgery. They must be declared as 'deshdrohi." "you are more-right than the right-wing" remarked his wife with a wink.
"Was he the one who performed plastic surgery on Ganesha?" posed his wife. "There is no information about it on the net. One can always suggest this idea to the "Committee on Histrionics (actual history)" who are re-writing history to suit our context" replied the Captain.
His wife asked "what happened to our country? With so much of ancient wisdom, where did we go wrong." The Captain earmarked the question to the 'committee on histrionics.' Let them decide if it were the Mughals or English.
Captain had read in the news that name of Hyderabad was sought to be changed to Bhagyanagar. Maharashtra too followed suit. So, the Brahmanvada would be renamed as Brahmivada (in the honor of the memory plant), Mangvada likewise as Mungvada, Maharvadas as Medhuvada, and so on. He wondered how would Khajurval respond? What name change of Qutub Minar would Khajurval like? He referred to Google and found out that in Sufism 'Qutub' refers to an ideal human. Then he thought why not re-name Qutub Minar as Purushottam Chowk. He was happy with his brain wave. He marked it to be sent to CoH. He also decided that he would change his name from Aamir (military commander in Islamic language) to Senapathy. He felt good and he got patriotic goose pimples. By the same token, he would ask his wife to change her name from Niloufar (water lily) to Padma. By this, he was sure they would escape any love-jihad scrutiny.
Padma, his renamed wife, suggested "you major in Chankya Mantra. Then maybe you can get the job of Chief Advisor-Name Change with the present government."
As he grinned, laat maarod his goli (kicked his Bullet to start) and sped off to the office.
Sanjaya ended his narration: a typical morning in the life of a common man as Mahabharat stories continues even today.