Just Not Cricket

With the new season of IPL coming around the Chairman of the Board of Cricket Council of India announced a new team called the Desi Cowpasand Brigade. Chairman Mr Gang-unholy had enough of cricket and wanting to take his rightful place in the Bengal politics and eyed the hot seat that Didi was occupying. As per the tacit agreement reached with the so called Chanakya of new India politics this was the quid pro quo: the induction of the new team for the hot seat. 

The second fastest growing corporate in new India was more than happy to sponsor the COW Brigade. The wisened old grandma remarked Dani dani pe Kala. The logo of the new team was the desi cow and their sports uniform reflected the Indian flag minus the blue chakra. The reasoning went like this: the ruling party is the new India and there by had the right to sport the colour of the Indian flag. The corollary was if you don’t support the new team or the party your Indianness was subjected to doubt. 

The cross over scion of Gwalior was appointed as the manager of the new team. With the economy so down he didn’t think it worth of heading any part of the government. Now the exercise of identifying the team was required. So, the scion of the ruling party asked for a meeting with the Chanakya, so called.

The charismatic star who confessed his love for the ‘gomutra’ was an automatic choice for the Captain of the team. He was the past Khiladi no:1, did herapheri and also ‘Pad’ded up earlier. Ambit sutra who can hurl abuses faster than the feared Wesley Hall was an automatic choice and so did Garnab-o-Sami. Rediappa of our own nammuru Bangalore qualified himself. There was something about him like the Wall and staying power at the crease, well beyond the Margadharshika mandal age. Another rising Sun from Bengaluru qualified for the all- rounder slot in the team. The Patanajli famous yoga guru was appointed as the team’s physiotherapist. He famously tied the team into knots otherwise called yogasanas. There were many who could bat for the cow and its products and posed problem of plenty for the selectors.

In the meantime, Gang-unholy announced that as per the New India Policy (NIP) IPL commentary would be only in Hindi. He arranged for online tutorials for those who wanted to learn and get fluent in Hindi. Didi opposed it and locked down Bengal in protest. The protest was a huge success and Gang-unholy realised his blunder. But the damage to his claim for the hot seat in Bengal was already done. 

The know all Harvard Swami twittered why IPL is being held in an emirate country when the name itself suggested that it should be held in the country. He in his imitable style threatened to take the case to the SC as it was of undue public interest. SC dismissed the case and fined the Harvard Swami Rs One. 

The scion of the unruly party released a video slamming the induction of yet another team as an unwanted distraction at this juncture. He interviewed the great sunny openerwallah who had the right techniques to duck unwanted questions like bouncers. He declared the interview closed with a smashing remark that this was just not cricket. 

Another week went by with the matter pre-occupying the nation. Mogambo of Mr India khush hua.