The same magic!

It was one of the brutally cold mornings in Delhi in the month of December when every single cell of my body shuddered to the thought of getting up when the alarm went off at sharp 4 AM. This blissful moment, of being embraced with a warm duvet was equivalent to the pleasure building up to a climax! But don't forget my friend, you can't get it all in life, the alarm was on snooze and these ten minutes were like the last ten minutes while writing your board exam, ticking like a bomb, which can explode any moment now.

Half asleep, I was scolding myself for being crazy to have booked this pathetically early morning flight to Kozhikode, but truth be told, I did not have much choice, I had to be at my alma-mater by eleven and with limited number of flights with one stop over, I could either fly on Sunday noon, which my colleagues had opted for, or save the weekend vibe and screw up the Monday morning a little more, so I decided to go with the latter. The only relief my mind could solace was that I was going to my beloved place, Kozhikode in Kerala with an average temperature of 30 degrees as compared to the hundred-year record-breaking temperature of 2 degree Celsius and ruthless dry winds of New Delhi.

Well, Kozhikode has got a special corner in my heart for those two memorable years, the crazy MBA life as you would have definitely heard about in some story or heard in some standup comedy show, for the famous hostel life, burning the midnight oil, err..even when no one was studying during those midnight hours, early morning exams, the coffee breaks, the library, binge watching, midnight chats, some friends made for a lifetime and the list goes on.

When you are young, how you get fascinated with the things which eventually become your reality a couple of years down the line, and then, you don't find it fascinating any more. That's quite natural, all of us are humans and we do this all the time, to chase THE dream, achieve it, relish it to the minimum, set a new DREAM to chase and put it on vicious loop. I could see my own 7 year younger self imagining it to be aspirational to be dressed in a business suit with a sleek trolley bag at the airport for office trips and now when i have to travel, i wonder if my decision of choosing Marketing as my specialization was right? They call it marketing but you have to slog in sales roles in the rural markets before you even get considered for that real marketing role and even in that real marketing role, you need to get the pulse of the customer, so you end up spending days on field again.

So, what's my story? Let me give you my introduction like i have done in all interviews so far in my life, which are precisely only three. Yes, once for the admission in my B-school, next time for summer internship and third time for final placement interview. Err..does that mean i must be happy in my job that i have not given any interview post that, well, yeah, let me admit it that I am mostly happy with my work except for a very few days and I generally am positive in life realizing how fortunate i am to be where i am.

Hi ! I am Samaira Nanda and i hail from Delhi and i say it with so much pride like one of those typical hard -core Delhiites who love Delhi unconditionally, Yes! even after all these years of building traffic, pollution and crime, err..ok, I also have my doubts now, but hey, it's a beautiful city, it's just that you need to explore it after midnight to experience that, and please, be mindful of your safety.

Well, born in a Punjabi family, i have been brought up with liberal mindset and was always encouraged to follow my dreams and passion, umm..ok, provided my dream was not to go for hotel management and my passion would pay me well so that my parents could be proud about it, honestly, so that they could boast about it in their circle, the circle of endless relatives. I happened to do what most of the bright students do, get good marks, prepare for engineering entrance like a donkey, get through a decent engineering college but not the one you were preparing for, then prepare for MBA entrance exam as you discover engineering was not your cup of tea and was more of social pressure, get into a good B school, learn nothing but to make power point presentations in an utmost polished fashion and get paid well, which is the ultimate goal for most of us.

So yes, i was no exception and i got to step out of Delhi for the first time, except for a few trips to Jaipur, Agra, Kufri with family, I can't forget how delighted I was while packing for the life ahead while my mom was almost into tears, one was the distance and second was the perception of south, which is considered another world by North Indians where you don't get anything good to eat.

I work as a brand manager now with one of the reputed organization and i design the overall strategy for a famous hair color brand including the TV commercials and i get to meet the actors who are casted in them, Wow ! sounds fancy, even to my own ears and i am sure you have already concluded that my life is perfect.

But, like i said, you can't get it all in life, what does that mean? Let me give you a little more sneak peak into my personal life. I broke with up with Nishant about a year ago which was after a relationship of almost ten years. Yes! you heard it right and sorry i did not break up with him, he dumped me ! Or if i put it in a different way, his Guru ma asked him to dump me and he did. Doesn't make much difference, eh, right?

He loved me, of course, but he did it for his family, that was the explanation, hilarious, isn't it ? I also launghed my lungs out when he mentioned this. I thought he was kidding but he was definitely not. Yes, he forgot to get my horoscope validated by guru ma before seeing me for 10 glorious years and planning for the eternity ahead including when will we get married to where will we go for our honeymoon to when will we plan kids to much more. Wait, there is more, to top it up, he had the courage to justify it saying that he never used me, which meant that he never fucked me. Boom! Yes, not even once, even if i seduced him with my lacy lingerie in a five star hotel. Yes, there used to be foreplay and i'd be wet and pleading him to fuck me, he was determined to save it for marriage and this vow also somewhere was related to his religious beliefs. Now you must be feeling happy for me. Maybe i did not know him in the real sense ever, because we never were together, technically, we were in a long distance for all these years and when the time came to be together, he took me to his guru ma who did not approve of my date of birth. Yes, Nishant was apparently educated, I would have also questioned this if i were you. Then why did i stay with such a loser for ten fucking years, well, I met him when i was in eleventh standard. Awww.. school romance? Yes, i was almost a kid with some adult hormones kicking in and i took it more seriously than i should have when he told me that he loved me. Nishant was a nice guy, good looking and cute, lean and fair, the kind which your parents would love and never question his intentions.

Now I feel like i have wasted ten most important years of my life and i have to start all over again? Which is unimaginable, once you are used to that one person and the worst part is that you can't even enjoy the memories, because he is a constant in all your memories, damn! Going out on first date, first movie, first drink, first trip with friends, first kiss or all kisses for that matter, oh sorry, except for one kiss, which i can explain and i will.

The last year wasn't easy for me, I was depressed, cried my heart out and spent sleepless nights, but as they say, time has the healing power. And when my best friend, Suchi, fed up of my crying told me on my face, "look Sam, it's not that he is dead, it was his decision to leave you when he clearly had an option to take a stand and be with you, so why should you be the one crying, you should be the one having fun, go out and explore" and this one sentence stuck in my mind. Though I wasn't ready to explore yet but if i see the positive side, i am spared of the spineless creature, who could have been my husband for a life time and who knows if Guru ma would have come to our wedding night to do a pooja before we commenced our marital journey! Phew!

Well, i am thankful that my parents were very supportive and i shared every bit of my feelings with them openly, but they are Indian parents, and yes, they have already started asking me to meet marriage prospects! The only part they are unable to understand is that I am not yet ready to think about meeting any boys, except if it could be Varun, and I cannot deny the fact that he has stayed in my mind all these years and never left.

As the snooze time was over, I kicked my ass out of the bed and straightaway headed to the shower to wash off the rubbish thoughts with a stream of hot water but it's not that easy, to get rid of your thoughts. I quickly put on my formal clothes which I decided a day advance to avoid the hassle in the morning, applied my routine eyeliner and lip color, picked up a quick bite of butter toast and gulped the hot tea hurriedly which my mom had already made with love and rushed to take the cab waiting outside my apartment.

On the way to airport, i kept wondering how things can turn upside down overnight. We were almost married and i never even thought about leaving Nishant even when i had someone clearly outrightly superior to Nishant in front of me. I could have been with Varun if i would have decided to give up on Nishant five years ago but the faithfulness has taken me nowhere. Well, going to the campus was definitely igniting some of these buried desires but honestly, I should have at least stayed in touch with Varun, we have not spoken or had a chat even once after college and now seems very late, what if he is married or at least no reason that he is not in a relationship.

After the security check at the airport, finally, the excitement to be on the other side of the table kicked in, I was invited to be part of the hiring process in my own college an alumni, to hire the son-in- laws of the company, Daughter-in-laws won't fit in apologetically as per Indian society standards.

And yes, more than just the excitement, Afterall there are memories that I can cherish now, which were regrets just until an year ago. I haven't been able to forget that kiss, that one magical kiss, the best kiss of my life and well, it was in Kozhikode, so it was not with Nishant. Yes, you are going in the right direction. It was with Varun.

I settled in my business class seat and was flipping the pages of the magazine kept inside the seat pocket when i heard my name.

Samaria! A deep male voice, familiar but not heard in a long time. I looked up to find myself shocked, surprised, elated, confused, all at the same time. I took a few seconds to breathe and process the details that were in front of me, holy crap!

Varun? Oh my god! I got up immediately to meet him, with a firm handshake followed by a quick hug, which came naturally. His smell got mixed in my breath already and I could feel the warmth of his body with that touch. I felt my cheeks turning hot and my heart suddenly thudding so loud just like all those years ago. I am meeting him after five years but he has the same effect on me.

The one secret I have never shared with anyone, not even with my closest friends. I pacified myself saying it wasn't cheating, it was just a moment of passion or probably a mistake. I was the one who pulled back, err..ok, not immediately, but I pulled back as soon as I realized it was getting deeper. Ok, i accept that by the time I realized it was getting deeper, it was almost five minutes. Almost five minutes of passionate kissing which came out like an eruption of lava which was getting built on simmering attraction for last two years.

As you must be curious by now, what the hell am i trying to tell, let me tell you the Varun chapter from the beginning.

***

It was May 2013 when I landed in Kozhikode, with a lot of pride for making it to one of the best B schools in country and a relationship tag of committed. My college campus was situated on the top of a hill with serene views from the classroom and hostel windows, almost like a hill station which was about two hours' drive from Kerala. I assumed that the the main purpose of students coming in from various backgrounds here was to excel in studies and get the best placement, but soon I realized that there were bigger motives in life, like securing a suitable life partner. There were broadly three categories that you could fit people into, first-single and desperate to score a boyfriend/ girlfriend as this was the last opportunity to find one, second-in a relationship but not satisfied with what they have, so open for exploring and kicking the not so prize like boyfriend/girlfriend for a better prospect and the third category was-in a relationship and already considered themselves married to their boyfriend/ girlfriend and not even thinking about exploring as that would be a sin.

So, yeah! I was in the third category and I decided to stay a little low key looking the initial overwhelming response from boys not missing out a single opportunity to hit on me, batchmates were still decent but seniors were in a do or die situation. Fortunately, I found friends who were also in third category like me and felt safe in their company and trust me, there were many even in this category.

But there was this one hot looking creature, who made me feel a little week in my legs and a rush of hormones would hit me every damn time I looked at him. I would have assumed that he was out of my league and just fantasize about him, but surprisingly, he was always caught looking at me whenever i stole a glance at him.

Varun, yes, even the name was fancy. And all other things about him were fancy, from the fact that he belonged to Delhi, he had an SUV in the campus, he was definitely every inch rich with exquisite clothes to shoes to watches and a style sense which comes only to elite. He went to gym religiously which resulted in sky rocketing number of girls enrolling for the gym in first few weeks itself and he could easily earn a livelihood from the commission he could charge from the gym operator. 6 feet tall, exceptionally hot and ravishing, with a fine jawline, a sharp nose and a cute smile, which was rare to see. He had done a few modelling portfolio shoots back in his graduation days in DU, allegedly as a hobby, which every girl on the campus had already checked out, multiple times, on his fb profile gawping in amazement and lust. He played basketball in the court which was located in the middle of the campus and girls would come decked up and sit there just to get noticed by him, trust me, i am not even exaggerating here, the court was surrounded by honey bees when he hit three pointers so easily. So yes, all in all, a complete package which you would have read about only in books but there he was, in front of everyone, in flesh, making him the unprecedented heartthrob on the campus.

You could hear his name easily a couple of times in a day in various kinds of discussions, especially in girls' gangs, starting from my roommate Suchi, who happens to be my best friend since then, who had declared him to be her motivation to jump out of her bed in the morning, be ready at her best to the hostel mess tables where girls would bet if he had six or eight packs when he entered after his workout session. And the boys were busy discussing how it's not very cool to keep a car in the hostel when it's not even required, and it was show off and it was his dad's money he was living on etc. etc.

His eyes met mine a couple of times every day, when we entered the academic block, the lecture hall, food mess, canteen. when i went for my run in the evening etc. etc. and I couldn't understand if it was just sheer coincidence. According to Suchi, he was making trying to find an opportunity to talk to me and i just dismissed that outrightly.

There were enough number of times everyone had introduced themselves in every lecture and ice breakers were already done in abundance and everyone was familiar with each other.

My heart pounced every time when he smiled and said a hello to me in the elevator, i felt like dancing with joy but use to reply with a polite smile and just a hi! There was something in that smile and the way he looked at me, this closer look was enough to give me a few sleepless nights, his dark brown eyes were intense, and I sensed that there was more in his mind. There were a few small chit chats in groups but i always ducked and escaped wherever i saw him around.

One fine day, after a few weeks, i was sitting in the library when he walked up to me and made himself settled in the next chair, without wasting much time, after a hi hello, he directly asked me for being his date to freshers. Holy shit! I couldn't even swallow, forget uttering a word. It felt like an out of syllabus question as i never thought about this scenario, umm.. i am not sure..I don't think..i don't know.

Honestly, i was elated and on top of the world that the hottest guy on campus was asking me out, but i had to say a NO as i was aware that he could be a threat to my pure intentions of marrying Nishant after going back from here.

Everyone in the batch knew about my relationship status and i assumed he would also know. But I realized he didn't when he didn't agree to a No very easily. I thought it was necessary to mention now that i had a boyfriend to prove my loyalty. I told him I wasn't comfortable going with a date and I apologized with utmost sophistication. Afterall, I couldn't be rude to this hot guy, he looked disappointed, but he sounded genuinely apologetic when he said he was sorry for bothering me.

I will see you around then. Take care, Samaira! Hearing my name on his lips was surreal and i could feel butterflies in my stomach but i had to let it go.

The news out that I turned down his proposal and Suchi couldn't believe me, this was the topic of discussion that entire night and she was upset with me.

" l don't even understand why he did that, I am not even his type" I defended myself. Suchi frowned at me, "Oh really? Are you saying all of this to hear praises for yourself"? She was furious, like a sister who would push you to grab the right guy and not let him slip, "You two will look perfect together, Samaira, he didn't come to you out of the blue, haven't you read in all romances, a hot guy falls for a beautiful girl, you moron!" And she continued "He is definitely looking for a girl who can keep up with his level of fitness and wouldn't insist on eating ice-creams and golgappe and there you are, look at your figure, what's your waist size 28? And cup size, eh, 34? Don't say 36 please", she continued her rattle. "Samaira, you are hot as hell and he is hot as hell keeper, that's a perfect combination, what's wrong with you?" she said with disappointment.

She was right to some extent, but i blurted "I cannot cheat on Nishant" and closed the conversation burrowing my face in the pillow.

Every time we crossed each other, i avoided eye contact with him completely and he did his effort too, which was evident, as the number of times we bumped into each other reduced drastically. Obviously, he wasn't going to wait for me for his entire lifetime and why would he? So yeah, few days later, he was spotted with one of the bests from the batch and it did hurt me. i focused on not focusing on him as this was the best thing to do but it wasn't as easy as it sounds, and my focus was only on focusing on him.

Though they broke up after a few months for unknown reasons, the blame was on Varun. Stereotypes! Yes, because he was hot and rich, everyone had the right to judge him, but I couldn't agree to this, somehow I felt the desire to defend him when this was being discussed, but kept myself quiet and not show my concern for him. I didn't know much about him either, but I could see truthfulness in his eyes and I knew there was more to him.

Well, things went on and we barely spoke to each other for one and a half years on campus until the fate decided that there should be some action in the last semester, when both of us happened to be a part of the core team together for the annual fest. This was the first occasion where we had no option but to spend time together except for a few team assignments we had done in a team earlier. There were twelve of us from senior batch who were into ideation and poor juniors, who were many more in number, for leg work. There were late nights for almost four weeks and everyone in the team got along together at a different level now. There was hesitation initially but i felt comfortable as soon as we started talking, it felt natural, and slowly we started talking more than anyone else, just in a few days we were good friends, at least that's what we justified it with. Though there was no denial in our own heads that we liked each other, there was that fire and it would have been better to avoid this, but it was fun to be around him.

Both of us intentionally stayed back even after others would retire for the day and will meet again at eight in the morning for breakfast. Where was the exertion evaporating was unknown to me. We were opening to each other layer by layer with each passing day. I talked to Varun about Nishant, about my family, about my future plans, politics, movies, food, places, and almost everything under the sun and Varun talked about his family, his love for workouts, what his parents were like and all those smaller details, I felt wonderful knowing that he was not the rich spoilt tag that people perceived him, he was different, he was honest, kind and was raised with good values. Honestly, i had started liking him. I knew clearly that I did not want to take this anywhere, but I couldn't resist the desire to talk to him more, be with him more, know him more.

The fest was super successful, and it called for a super party. For the first time, I felt the urge to look my best self and get ready for him. This was probably the only and last chance for me to be his date, though unofficially, before i go back to my life and we won't probably ever meet again.

While we booked cabs for the entire team, Varun offered me to go with him. I decided to wear a black dress which run till a little below my thighs and highlighted my curves. Suchi was more excited than me, she whistled and hooted while i was getting ready in front of the full mirror, kept complementing and teasing me, and i kept blushing at Varun's mention and dismissing her comments.

Varun stepped out and opened the door for me, which I accepted with a smile, Varun could not stop looking at me and a color rose in my cheeks. "You look beautiful" he said without breaking the eye contact while I just kept smiling like a stupid teenager.

Varun had also put in efforts which he did not require to stump me, I already felt dizzy with his aftershave smell which filled the air, he was dressed in black blazer with denims to complement his sophisticated demeanor.

I told myself to in my head to breath and calm down as he felt so near to me, I had to absorb his presence without losing control on myself, his dark brown hair, a complexion just perfect, a sharp nose, chiseled jaws that made him look like a Greek god. Oh man, I couldn't help but admit that he was the most handsome guy I had seen so far in my life. "You look good too" I could muster just these words.

In this moment, I just wanted to enjoy this time with him and not think about anything in the world. He brought out the child in me and the wild side too, the flames which were always uncovered and untouched beneath a serious facade.

He had put his arm around me to protect me from the crowd as we entered the pub and we were inseparable throughout. The party was crazy, and I did not put any filters, i was drunk and high but I felt safe with him, we had shots and danced till we were dead tired. It was past midnight and was closing time, everyone wanted to party more, but it was time to leave, we started to walk towards parking lot when I declared I wanted to try smoking and Varun was just plain happy in this moment and he nodded in agreement, whatever you say!

On the way back, we laughed and sang and continued to dance on the music in his car. We reached our campus and I insisted that i wanted to have more alcohol. I think I just didn't want the night to end.

Varun had a whiskey bottle with him, and he proposed to arrange the glasses but i was super when i took the bottle from his hand and took a sip from it directly and made a sound disapproving of the taste. Varun followed me with an amused look and he too took a sip from the bottle too. Both of us just talked more and took a few more sips before we decided to get out of the car and take a walk. At four in the morning, we were walking on the track which couples used in the campus for their intimate time and kissing, thankfully it was deserted at this hour.

His hand brushed against mine and a jolt of electricity went down my body. We looked at each other for what felt like forever when Varun said, "I like you, Samaira. I want you to know that I like you a lot, like, like I have never liked anyone before and won't be able to like anyone ever in my life."

We were just a few inches away from each other, and the next moment, we were kissing like it was the oxygen we needed to be alive in this moment. It was like fire has been lit inside us and nothing could stop us. Varun's lips caressed mine softly first and then more passionately, my intensity matched his and we were into it for minutes which felt less. Varun picked me up from the ground in his arms, our bodies touched, and I felt like I was melting in his arms with the warmth of his skin. I wanted this more, I ached for him more but suddenly I felt a shock, my senses were back, and I pulled back. I just rushed without saying a word and Varun stood there looking at me disappear into the hostel gate.

He texted me a couple of times and tried to talk to me but i knew this wasn't going to make things easy, I have already done a blunder and I told him that I thought it was a mistake which broke his heart. I met him on the last day of college, it was emotional for most of us but i was broken from within and he looked mortified. I was not able to take my mind off him and the turmoil within was just not settling. I knew it was time to pull the plug, i had to stop every communication the minute i move out of the campus gate, else i would end up running back to him and kiss him again. It wasn't easy for me to forget him but i was determined to do so and hence i did.

***

"How have you been? How's Nishant?" he asked with an effort to ensure his tone was pleasant.

"I have been good, How are you?" I skipped the second part of the question. "Such a long time", I added.

"Yes, long time is an understatement, so...where do we start from", he shook his head.

He was going to Mumbai for work which was a stopover for my flight. We talked briefly about work and he again brought up Nishant, i knew this was his priority to know. And this time I couldn't duck the bowl and told him that we broke up. He wanted to know, how, why, when, everything!

He just nodded as I explained to him the summary of the fiasco. He said he was feeling sorry for me but i could see his face lit up knowing i am no more committed and he clarified indirectly if i intend to ever go back to him or if i am seeing someone else, and to both the questions the answer was a definite NO.

We talked for entire two hours of flight till Mumbai as if longing to share every moment we have spent in last five years without each other. From family to job to reminiscing old memories and the time was so less.

There air around us was completely charged with attraction, our eyes were gleaming and we couldn't stop smiling to each other and laughing at slightest of jokes.

I felt the butterflies dancing in my stomach . His emotions looked no different. There's that intensity in a man's eyes which tells you if he needs you and i am sure he could see the same in my eyes.

He asked me if we can meet once we are back in Delhi, to which i agreed without any second thoughts.

We exchanged numbers and he pecked a kiss on my forehead before we said bye.

It was after very long that I was brimming with joy and enjoyed the day thoroughly in the placements process which was mixed up with chatting on WhatsApp like a teenager, which ended at seven in the evening. I was exhilarated when Varun said he was coming to the campus as he couldn't wait to see me and it would be great to re live the old memories.

I made excuses to my colleagues and rushed to the guest house within the campus where we were staying, thankfully I always overpack in case there's a dinner plan which happens mostly when I travel.

I dressed up for going out with Varun once again and he has hired a self-drive and was there to pick me up, it felt like we have gone back in time.

He looked more than delicious and i was tempted to kiss him right away, but it would be too soon to do that.

We went to of the best place available nearby which was decent, we sat there with our drinks, feeling the comfort as if we have known each other for years, which was true in a way.

We talked incessantly and he told me about his brief relationships and kept clarifying that it was nothing serious as if he wanted to assure me that i was the one, which i was undeniably dying to hear.

He mentioned openly that he liked me, it felt like music to my ears when he praised me, my eyes, my smile, how he couldn't stop thinking about me all this time. I also did not shy away this time, he had to know that I couldn't either stop thinking about him.

We drove back to the campus and we walked around talking about life and we went to the same place, the exact same spot. Varun held my hand and suddenly I could sense a serious look on his face.

This time I initiated the kiss, i wanted to undo what i did five years ago by pulling back. Our lips touched and pleasure jolted through my body, tilting his head, he kissed me deeper. Once, twice, again. I kissed him back with everything in me, trying to tell him that it was my mistake to walk away that night and I regretted it.

My nails scraped over his scalp in pleasure, his heat warming my skin, a storm of pleasure building and calming me at the same time. This was heavenly. I burrowed my face into his neck and breathed him in, I could smell him just as I did all these years ago. We were now touching almost everywhere with only thin layer of clothes separating us.

He stroked his fingers over my hair, movements that swept past my neck and down my back.

"I am sorry i had to leave, I missed you a lot" I heard myself say with a lump in my throat.

"Shhh, you did what was right in that moment Samaira and i respected that you were always transparent about your priority and you gave your best to that relationship. But i am the happiest right now, now that we are here, and you are in my arms, because we were meant to be together, I would like to believe my prayers have been answered" he said with a smile.

"I am happy that you prayed for it and it happened, I am sorry for all these years" tears could nor roll down my cheeks any moment.

"I love you Samaira, I have loved you always, please don't leave me ever" he said, planting a kiss on my forehead.

"I love you too" I heard myself say without any second thoughts. He wrapped his arms around me as we kissed again, after all these years apart, it was the same magic!