Heartlock

The road was jammed in every possible way as the auto took the third road to reach the airport. It was just another weekday at Agartala and it was 6:15 pm. As per the Government instructions, no regular vehicle would interfere in the smooth return of the 'higher officials' from the Offices of Tripura Assembly and the Secretariat. 

I have always laughed at this phenomenon when Mom, Dad or even Mouri spoke about the hardship of the commoners in rush. But, today I was paying for all the laughs and jeers that I might have ever made on anything, anywhere in the past.

'Dada, please drive a little faster. I have an important meeting to attend.' I reminded the Uber auto driver for the fifth time.

The middle-aged man just gave me a look. He was tired of explaining. I looked away, not being able to take it.

I was being too impatient to be exact.

The horns blew from several vehicles that made my ear sting. I might even have missed calls from Rahul because of all these.

I tried to check but there were no calls. I sighed. 

As usual, I knew I had to do this. I called him up. The good thing was the fact that India had now completed 150 crores of vaccination against Covid 19 and the bad thing was that was the only voice that responded to my call.

Rahul might be busy. The NGO stuffs bother him the whole day. Even when we are together, sipping into our coughs peacefully at CCD, his phone would at least ring seven times in an hour. He has a big circle of friends and associates.

I looked down at my phone and out of some weird desire, opened my gallery to look at the photos from last month. Abhay Roy Chowdhury and his family knew us for many years. In fact, his father were collegemates before becoming colleagues. The mothers, too, get along a lot.

Mom was so happy that day. I smiled as I felt the smile brightening up her face. This was all she wanted, her daughter to be married to someone as gentle and successful as Abhay. I scrolled to the picture where the mothers fed pieces of 'Rasagulla' to each other. Fathers, too, were hopeful of giving their friendship a new name. My eyes fixated on the picture where they asked me and Abhay to stand together and pose for the camera.

Looking at this carefully, I could say Abhay was shy through his smile. I, on the other hand, was too busy trying to decipher what just took place. Yes, mom did hint at this most-desirable match a couple of times but I've always shrugged that away. I was too, adamant on focusing on my career. My Post Doctoral had reached its penultimate stage and I was so excited for my upcoming achievement. 

But, like every Indian parents, mine too wanted to see me happy and settled with someone who would be by my side when they won't be. Often and on, I tried to explain my disinterest but...

Why does it always happen that we never like pair of shoes placed around usmeasuring the feet, but lay our eyes on that pretty pair of shoes in the showroom that aren't available for our size?

Me and Rahul were batchmates at the university. With his apparent display of knowledge and ideals, I was enchanted from the very first week. But, being another 'good student', I decided never to speak or even think about it.

Rahul, too, never spoke...until, one fine day, both of us made to the Doctoral stage. I have never realized but our views on the society, culture and geopolitics were so alike. I don't know about him but I what I thought in those days was: why didn't I find him before?

After enjoying a beautiful period of friendship, I knew what I wanted. But, as it is universally accepted, it is the hardest to express your romantic feelings to someone when he/she is someone you don't want to lose. Meanwhile, Rahul was giving mixed signals. At times, I came home blushing feeling things were mutual, the other times I came back home believing I was just another girl he likes to talk to.

My phone, finally rang as I read his name appearing on the screen.

'Hello, Rahul... where are you?' I asked, not being able to hold it any longer.

'I'm riding. Took a stop at Radhanagar to receive your call. What is it?' he asked. The hustle and bustle of the motor stand was visible from the background noise.

'N..No.. I'm somewhere near too. Are you at home?' I asked.

'Home? Why?'

'No. Just...'

I didn't know what to say. Revealing to him that I've eloped from my own engagement ceremony, wasn't something I wanted to do, especially with the driver listening. 

'You want to say something? Please, hurry up! I'm in a rush. Got a lot of work to do.' he said.

I don't know why, I couldn't hold my tears back any longer.

Rahul always loved teasing me; on my looks, my weight, on my messy nature, on my choice of movies...but, I always loved him doing so. At times, things went really embarrassing when he tried trolling me in front of the juniors. 

Suddenly, I remembered the laugh of Sana, one of our juniors.

It wasn't an adoring one, rather it was something that screamed mockery and disgrace. I remembered more laughter, more occasions.

'Hello! Hello! You're there? Is it about the book that I took from you? I'm going to return that in two days.' Rahul's voice got me to present. 

'Uh..no.' I could barely say, lost in thoughts.

'Don't worry! I'll return the book tomorrow and also please, send me the soft copy of your synopsis. I just need a read. I really don't need it, as you know I'm a fountain of ideas myself. But, still..' he kept on saying many other things. 

That made me remember another instance. After an extended period of lockdown, I was bored. I started missing Rahul and his voice so much. Often and on, I would plan on sending him a message but my self-conscious cowardice didn't allow me to do that.

To my utter disbelief, it was him who called. That night I couldn't sleep due to the loud pounding in my heart. He said he wanted a teacher's number and I knew he didn't. He was just trying to talk. Perhaps, he was missing me too.

I didn't realize when the call disconnected. But, the laughter against my ears were still on, getting louder with the memories dancing in my head.

'You will understand the value of the real gold only when you know the fake ones.' my grandmother once said.

My mother called again. I'm sure she was anxious. The auspicious time was given at 7:30 pm. I imagined her sad face, her worries, her pain.

I recalled the day I got a C in my Mathematics test. I cried and feared the consequence. I even tried to hide the result. But, again, it was conscience and overbearing emotions that knew it was wrong. I didn't eat properly for two days, couldn't sleep at night. It was in the morning that I saw my parents sitting by me as I faked to sleep till 8 am in a holiday, just to avoid facing them. I was surprised but they weren't. 

'Get up, sweetie..' Mom ran her soft fingers through my hair. 'I know you aren't sleeping.'

'And we have planned to visit Sepahijala Wild life Sanctuary today. If you do better in the next test, you will take you to Dumboor lake.' my father said.

I sat up in shock. 'You..you knew?'

'Yes, of course. You don't know but I always clean your bag after you return from school. Your result was not the best but you sure are. You don't have to be sad like this.' she said.

She knew it all. They saw the sheets but didn't say anything because they thought that might hurt me.

And today, it was me hurting them, while knowing nothing of anything. I had no reasons to reject Abhay. I couldn't say no. His parents loved me so much!

But, what about my feelings? My wishes? My love?

Another shriek of laughter hit my ears, as if answering . I knew the voice well.

Tears ran down my eyes.

I picked up my mom's call. 

'Trust' was the most important thing in the sustenance of this world. 

'Where are you sweetie? Your supervisor said you left the university hours ago! Why aren't you receiving our calls? You know how scared we were!' Mom's voice was laced with tears as she spoke.

'Mom!' I only said.

'Your father said, you looked terribly sad for few weeks. Look, I know you never wanted to get married and despite, that we arranged this engagement ceremony. I'm so sorry, dear. Please, come back.'

I smiled as the tears of my mother now mingled with the shrieking laugher.

My heart was locked in the shackles of love.