Grief is like an ocean

Grief, like the ocean, is filled with conflicting under-currents and waves. There are different depths and there are different temperatures that certainly exist just so that we might not ever have the ability to ever get a handle on it. No matter what it is that we are told, whether we know it or not, it simply just does not even matter because grief is not always obvious. 

Swimming between all of the flags is alot easier said than it is done, because once that you are in the water, it is so easy to get pulled every which way without even realizing it, until you quickly find yourself suddenly underneath of the water - While you are also trying your hardest to swim against the strong current at the same time; Just to simply be able to get yourself back onto solid ground or atleast back up to the shore.

However, here is the thing though..

Sold ground just does not exist anymore.... no, not really. You can get back up there, sure, whether it is fighting against the violence or other negativity that may or may not be swirling around you or simply just going with the flow until you are able to drift around it eventually. Once you are back onto your feet, you are finally able to catch your breath again and those flags are now off out into the distance - A suggestion of safety now. 

At this point, you can still see the ocean; You can smell it and you can also taste it, as well. You even still know that no matter whereever you might go, who you meet along the way and whatever you decide to do with your life in the future; You will always be surrounded by it completely, the one constant that is truly on this earth. Personally, that is scary to me... 

The thought of such a constant form of instability... 

You can either sit on the shore and simply just drown in all of the tears and all of the heart-cracking sorrow. You can sit on the shore and simply just bathe in all of the anger and all of the skin-scalding frustration. You can even scream to be heard above the waves breaking; Slow, rough, steady and constant - Never Ending. You can drown in the high-pitched silence of your own head. You can watch the storm clouds form, all purple and grey, as they loom in the distance, while promising rain and that may or may not make you feel something else for a tiny slice of a second.

However, you will still be able to see the ocean. You can still see the flags whipping in the never-ending gusts of such strong winds. The same wind that throws the ocean around in front of you, while it also splatters your face with specks of salt water, so that you cannot distinguish between the taste of the oceans' water and your very own tears. 

We are taught to believe that grief comes in tidal-waves, tsunamis; Obvious, destructive forces that leave nothing but havoc and hurt within their wake and it does, it really fucking does does it not ? 

At some point in time or another, we will all experience grief so grand, so earth-shattering, that any person who might even just glances into our direction, will be able to see it. They will see you violently thrashing around in the under-current, as you are also trying so hard to keep yourself above the water and trying just as hard to get yourself back to shore. Some people will help you. Some people will throw out ropes and they might even go out on boats in an attempt to pull you back in. Whether or not you want it though, you will end up getting it right there onto the shoreline right where you washed up on.

On the other hand, grief comes in ripples and grief can also come in trickles. The kind of grief that causes buckets of water and a large amount of confusion within us; An over-looked force that erodes slowly, overtime; While leaving permanent grooves and just as much damage as a tidal-wave, ripping right through our entire being.

At some point throughout each of our lives, I believe that we will all experience the suffocating silence that comes with being trapped under the weight of grief that does not look like what we have been told to expect. Sometimes, that can even be the loneliest shoreline in the entire universe.