Feelings - Part 1

"Listen, my friend! I have told you hundreds of times, I am not interested to know what's going on in her life. Period!"

Sanjay stormed out of the room leaving Rahul all alone.

The only thing Rahul had tried to communicate was that he met Sanjana, his ex-girlfriend.

A bit of background would be helpful here. Yeah, you guessed right. The usual Harry met Sally story, lovey-dovey and sweet sugary. It was all going well until they both were forced to stay apart from each other. There is an old saying, "Out of sight, out of mind."

There are countless instances of love affairs that ended in ruins only because of distance. Rahul had tried to play the mediator role so many times, but when the hero and heroine can barely tolerate each other anymore, what can a side character do anyway! He had been asked this question many many times.

"Rahul, what happened to them?"

And he would avoid the question. Some folks would pester. People love gossips more than they love ever!

"How do I know!?", he would get so irritated. "Go and ask either of them!"

Everyone thought this was curtains. Each went his and her separate way. But this age of social media keeps bringing strangers together, on one pretext or another.

While none of them married, despite getting into multiple relationships post-break-up, they secretly did visit each other's social media profiles, Not sure why they did that though, guess it was a mixture of emotions with an added pinch of curiosity. Rahul did not know about this though.

Time went by. Days turned to months. Months turned to years.

One day Sanjana bumped into Rahul at the local mall. They recognized each other instantly and decided to chat over a cup of coffee. 

"Hey, what a pleasant surprise! Sanju?!"

"Rahul! Wow! How have you been?"

"Same! How about you! What's going on in your life?"

"Nothing yaa... just work and more work."

"Ah forget work. Any new developments?"

"Yeah bought an apartment, finally! Was tired of rentals!"

"Woohoo! That's great! How is your family doing?"

"Dad retired a few years back. He intends to stay where he is, with my mom. So I am pretty much on my own here!"

"That's okay!"

Meanwhile, the coffee arrived and both of them briefly paused to take a sip.

"And what else?"

"Nothing..."

"What nothing?"

"Seriously, not a thing!" 

Sanjana burst out laughing.

"You aren't dating someone anymore, are you?"

"Nah, got burnt too many times. I am happy and independent. No regrets. I don't need anyone. Period. What about you?"

"You know me, Sanju... don't you? I mean, it's difficult to express myself no matter how many pride marches I will be a part of and no matter how many laws get passed."

"Hmm dear, it's okay. I get it. You have a friend in me yaa?"

Sanju extended her hands to grasp Rahul's hands. Few seconds of silence before she spoke again.

"How is that moron doing?"

"Err, who?"

"You know, who I am asking about!"

"Um, no.. not really!"

"Idiot, your best friend.."

"It's funny how I used to call you Sanju1 and Sanju2. Sanjay and Sanjana. Sounded so close..."

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Hehe.. still so angry?"

"Not at all. Just don't feel anything anymore. Seems like the feelings have dried up."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really... I mean he was the first one. And then there were many others. I... every time I felt, maybe, this was the one... this was the one... and every time I got disappointed. I am okay now, like this. Best to be alone and independent. What do we need a man for, anyway? Tell me!"

"You know the answers!"

"Forget it... I would rather have pet dogs. At least they know how to love and how to reciprocate."

"Yeah, but.. at some point, you gotta settle down. We all need partnership to survive, in the long run. Money can't buy everything, you see!"

"Yeah, will see. I don't plan things too ahead of time. Will cross the bridge when I get there. I am in no effing hurry!"

"Fair enough!"

Rahul started thinking again. He had not missed the disappointment in Sanjana's words. Meanwhile, she lighted a cigar and offered him one.

"No thanks!"

"Oh of course! And you don't drink I guess?"

"Nah! I am in a daze anyway!"

"Fuck off. Moron!"

Rahul chuckled.

"He was asking about you the other day!"

"Who?...him?"

"Yeah guess he tried to visit one of your social profiles and got blocked again!"

"Haha! I knew! That's all he can do! That idiot!"

Then after a pause, she asked,

"What did he exactly ask about?"

"If I am in touch with you..."

"So? How is that gonna be relevant to him?"

"Maybe he still thinks about you..."

There was a moment of silence...

"There's no point discussing this anymore. It's over."

"Come on Sanju. This is ego. None of you are happy, are you? It shows!"

"If you don't have anything else to discuss, I'll take leave now. I wish to focus on better things and not cry over spilled milk. Do you understand?"

"I do... let's change the topic."

And they discussed everything else and steered clear of the topics of love, romance, and marriage.

"Wow! Time flies! 8:30 p.m. already! I gotta go now, Rahul."

"Sure, let me see you off."

On the way, they didn't talk much. They exchanged their contact numbers and then, Rahul waved her goodbye.