Broken hearts; knit together

     I was asking myself a lot of unknown questions about her. It's been almost three days, since last when I saw her, scoured every street corner and nook of the area; couldn't catch even one glimpse.  

Suddenly reminded of my first meeting with her, my steps ran quickly toward the river bank. 

Whenever I get a chance to explore my native land, a small hill town. She was always visible to me, on the far end of fields or apple orchards, by the river, or under the waterfall.

Where did she have go?

Is everything fine with her?

Around five years ago when I saw her first time, she was playing with water on the bank of the river, just like a kid. 

As usual, my passion for photography pulled me toward the banks of the river. 

Where I saw her. Childlike innocence in her actions, she would take the water in her hands, toss it up and try to catch it in her mouth. She was hardly bothered about her dress fully soaked with water.

I still remember every small detail of that day as though it happened yesterday only. It was a wonderful evening, warm and magical. The sun was about to set behind the mountain. 

 Standing afar I kept gazing at her for a while. There was something about her personality that automatically dragged my steps towards her until I reached a poplar tree a few steps away from her.

As my feet were getting closer to her, I noticed something bizarre about her personality.

To watch her movements closely, I stood under the hood of the poplar tree.

She was a middle-aged lady around 45, wearing a brown color gown-type dress of thick cloth almost touching her ankles. Messy hair seems to have not been washed for weeks. 

Wearing the signs of mountains, a wrinkled face, especially the wrinkles on the corners of her eyes, and a slight forward-sloping posture. 

Didn't know if there was soot on her face, or if she was as black as it looked.

I still remember the twinkle of those big eyes on that black face even from a distance.

Despite my efforts, her dazzling eyes caught me and looked right into my eyes. As soon as I regained consciousness, I broke my gaze and pretended to click pictures of the surrounding area.

She maintained her silence and continued staring at me. Despite her odd dress and antics, she was carrying an elegance.

Before I could ask anything, suddenly she quickly turned back, hung a jute bag lying nearby on her shoulder, and almost fled towards the other end of the river.

 

Sun by then had set behind the mountains spreading the twilight of the evening all around. 

I noticed she was continuously mumbling something from her mouth. 

 My curiosity led me to follow her secretly but gave up the idea as it was growing dark now. 

The impact of those huge Eyes stayed on my mind for days 

Who is she, where did she come from, never seen before in this hill town? 

 My curiosity pushed me to the bank of the river the next day again to find her; she was nowhere. 

After a few days, I almost forgot her, when unexpectedly one morning she again appeared in front of me. 

After three days of continuous rain, it was a beautiful morning. The sky was crystal clear, and the morning sun reflected on the window pane of my room. I was awakened by the sweet chirping of birds. 

The best thing about hills is your connection to nature, which is hardly possible in big cities.

The moment I opened the window, the dawning breeze felt so soothing on my face. It was very tempting to linger on for a moment to feel the fresh air, my craving for morning tea dragged me toward the kitchen. 

While coming, I heard some distant voices, it seemed mother was talking to someone. 

Just then my eyes fell on her sitting on the chair kept in one corner of the kitchen. 

Like a little girl, she was holding a cup of hot tea with both hands and was making a loud blowing sound.

My desire to know her was rekindled. Many questions kept popping up inside me.

As soon as she saw me, she almost completely turned the cup upside down near her mouth, perhaps to drink the last drop of tea. Without cleaning up, she put the empty cup in the bag slung over her shoulder and hurried out of the door.

"Shaarda, Shaarda"

My mother kept calling her name from behind, but she ignored those voices and left the premises without turning back.

I couldn't hold myself long, and soon as she left I asked the mother about her.

"Didn't you recognize her?"

"No! should I ?"

"She is Shaarda, my childhood friend. The same, who was married to an army officer." 

 

 "Shanu Masi and she."

I could not believe my ears that she was Shanu Massi. 

My mother used to tell me the stories of her childhood friends, and the time they spent together. Shanu was her best friend. 

Beautiful girl, Shanu was like a flower. Her beauty like radiating morning sun was always a delight to see.  

Her breathtaking smile and the sparkle in her eyes looked like dreaming. Dreams of a handsome young prince, who would come and takes her away from this boring world to the beautiful world of love. 

 

City life invariably attracted her more.

The pampered daughter from a rich family, Shanu was one of the most beautiful and fun-loving girls in the village, most of the time she would indulge herself in some silly acts.

The most mischievous girl who always played tricks on others sometimes used to steal apples from someone's orchards and sometimes tease people by screaming in their ears. 

And sometimes she used to scare by creating weird rackets at night.

......

An army camp was recently established on the nearby hills. After the deployment of the army, a lot of movement was seen in the small market of the hill town. 

Here Sharda was less visible than the last few days, with neither any troublemaker activity nor any thievery. 

Had she improved, or was engaged in plotting some big event? The question was slurring in everyone's mind.

Unexpectedly one evening she was spotted roaming along the river bank with an army officer. 

And then they were often seen holding hands at other places too. 

The officer had an appealing tall body with an astonishing personality. Surely, it was the impact of his magnetic personality pushing her toward him. 

Together both looked like complimenting each other, as a perfect duo. 

She was that type of girl who lets her freak flag fly high and doesn't care at all what anyone else has to say about it. 

Nothing was planned in her world. She did what she wants and when she wants, she was like a free bird ready to soar. 

And then happened what no one could have ever imagined. 

Suddenly one day there was a rumor that both of them got married secretly and eloped somewhere in South India. 

Her story was like a fairy tale to me. 

......

Today for me, this was shocking to see such a fairy-like character in such a bad condition. 

 I was curious to know about her.

"What specifically happened to her that caused such a drastic transformation in her character?"

Except for those beautiful huge eyes, there was nothing left in her personality that was recognizable. Neither was that breathtaking smile nor was that glowing face.

Mom heaved a cold sigh and, while looking at the main door of the house, she had just left, said in a sad note. 

In the initial years of marriage, her smiling and glowing face would testify that she was happy. 

Being able to be loved that obstinately by someone, is really something that one only comes across by chance. She always felt blissful about her life. 

After being resentful about her secret marriage for a few years, the family members also forgave her.

Earlier she used to visit her native land every year with family, but gradually the number of visits dropped off. 

Meanwhile, my mother too got married outside the city and they almost lost contact.

After about 10 years when they met each other, the mother felt an intense change in her manners. Her behavior seemed unusual. 

While talking, suddenly she would get lost somewhere and become silent.

Sometimes she smiled continuously without any sophistication but pure innocence and sometimes cried continuously without tears. 

This time she had come alone, her family didn't accompany her.  

Asking her ! she wouldn't reply with the familiar spark in her smile and used to ignore it.

There were some rumors that her husband had betrayed her for someone else. Her family tried to interview her and ask her many questions, but Sharda went completely mute on the topic.

 

One-day mom picked up the courage to ask about the other girl. After bugging it for weeks, she finally told mom, she had a really big fight with him. 

Holding the tears back, with a faint smile, she added if it were only another girl, she would keep patience, but he wished for her to be another girl. 

He wished her to be a modern girl, no longer the childish, carefree, and domestic village creature she used to be.

She should look smarter and pretty so that her sophisticated behavior will add more charm to every party.

Try to keep herself presentable at all times and occasionally have a drink and dance with fellow officers to please them. 

Being a village girl, she failed to cooperate. 

Then she added, initially, she really thought he was kidding and teasing her. He who once was infatuated by her innocence and pure beauty now wishes to change her entire personality. 

How could it be possible? 

Slowly things got more complicated with heated debates regarding the matter and started sagging their relationship.

She was very distressed with the way their relationship had been going for the past few years. One day after getting fed up with the daily scrape, she expressed her stance and left for her hometown.  

In the beginning, he used to call, but Sharda was ignoring them. She was unable to make up her mind as she was afraid of the same demands again.

Until, eventually, she answered one of his calls and wished to talk face-to-face.  

Giving an account of job commitment, he enunciated to resolve the matter over the phone itself.

Somewhere deep in her heart, there was a fear, that he don't love her anymore. His feelings were just his stepping stones for his self-interest. 

To her, he was a person who denies the existence of others. 

......

For months she waited for him to come but he didn't. In between, he kept on calling; she ignored all. 

She abandons applying any makeup or any new outfit, seems she had lost interest in everything. Later she almost stopped talking, mostly she would sit alone for hours staring at the sky. 

Slowly her moral sense turned unsteady. 

Sometimes she spoke so intelligently that others were left dumbstruck and sometimes behaved like a kid. 

She usually roams around those places where they once walked together, maybe with a wish one day he shows up suddenly. 

She kept enduring her yearning for him and waited there. 

But he didn't show up. He promised to make her the most blissful woman in this world. Since she loved him from the core of her heart, her big and wet eyes always looked for him. 

Perhaps she felt weak and worthless at the thought of being rejected by him and wore the cloak of silence.

 In the softest part of the heart, one gets punched hard, especially if it's by a dear one. 

......

For the past few months, it seemed like she barely recognized anyone or just put on a show. Looks like she was quite stuffed with sadness to her innermost core. It was such a lot that it starts oozing from her every pore. 

Time was passing days and months, and the season. The pleasant days of summer had long passed and slowly the white sheet of snow started covering the peaks of the distant mountains. 

Gradually the white sheet started spreading its wings, and within a few days took the valley in its fold.

It was snowing since morning and stuck in the small room of the house, like a bird in a cage, she was constantly looking out the window. 

Suddenly her gaze fell on a shadow in the street while peering out the window. First time in months, there were familiar footsteps heard near her house. 

Moments later, a knock at the door startled her. As the door opened, a handsome gentleman was standing in front of her. 

The snow had almost covered him completely. 

"Yes, whom do you want to see?"

With disheveled hair and dirty clothes, she looked like a lunatic person.

"Sharda, want to see Sharda."

"Oh, she doesn't live here anymore. After marriage, she has left this place."

Till then her mother also reached the threshold.

"Oh, Aakash it's you, son. 

Come, come, 

it's very cold outside."

Aakash was still in shock, he couldn't believe that Sharda was actually not recognizing him or acting. Even Aakash could not recognize Sharda at first sight.

Coming in, Aakash was watching her intently. The moment mother arrived, she quietly left the place. She didn't look at him even once.

That night Aakash could not sleep even for a moment. 

Things from the past few months were still haunting him. On watching her condition, he stood severely depressed. 

He was feeling disgusted with himself to say, "I’m the reason behind all this. From bottom of my heart would like to ask for forgiveness for this atrocity that occurred due to my negligence."

He knew how menial it sounds, but wish to promise that he would never let this happen again, and would always respect her and her decisions. 

The next morning she had already left the house before Aakash got up.

Ever since he came here, constantly he had the desire to change the past. 

It had been three days since he had come, and not even once did Sharda cast a familiar glance at him.

 Every day he would follow her, feeling miserable to see that Sharda visited every place where once they used to roam holding hands. She remembered everything from their past memories, except for him. 

Sometimes the impact of memories is stronger than the present, and one prefers to live in past, instead of living in the present. 

Guilt and remorse gripped Aakash so badly that it seemed as if he would not be able to live with that pain for the rest of his life. 

Regret is the most unbearable pain one goes through in his life. And now he has to live the rest of his life, regretting this. 

He knew deep inside, it was a great punishment for him and it really was. 

Meanwhile, nature was taking a completely different course beyond anyone's anticipation.

 After a few sleepless nights, one fateful winter morning proved that the pangs of remorse and guilt run far deeper than the pangs of infidelity, and such pangs made his heart stop beating. 

The sudden death of Aakash shocked the entire village. 

The village people couldn't believe the harsh truth. No one had thought of such an end to their love.

With moist eyes and heavy hearts, they bade him a final goodbye. 

Unaware of all these things, Sharda was wandering in the woods, mountains, and rivers waiting for her love; a never-ending wait.

.....

Years passed, and her wait was not over, as she truly believed that someday he would come back for her. Soon they will meet again and everything will be alright. 

She didn't know that her love was never going to come back again. 

No one gathers the courage to reveal to her the sad end of her love story.

And one day after a long stretch of painful cries and silent screams, she said goodbye to this world and perhaps met with her soulmate somewhere else in another world. 

Little did the wind know, that from now on, her sobs and screams would never be heard again.  

Be it the bank of the river or the forest, the edge of the fields, or the apple orchards, there will be no longer the marks of her footsteps. 

Only she has left behind, was a painful and tragic love story.

...........