Because After All, I Love Her
Because After All, I Love Her
And one day she dropped a bomb on me. She said,
"Sameer, please don't tell this to anyone. I want you to keep this as a secrete with you, till I make a formal announcement"
She paused for a time, that pause of seconds appeared like million years to me. In my mind, I was thinking that finally the time had come and now every star and planet in the universe were at their best positions and aligned to my wishes to witness one of the most exciting moments of my life. I was filled with joy but I tried my level best not to reveal my joy and maintained a poker face. From a long time, I was wishing this to happen, but I was unable to gather enough strength to share my feelings to her. But finally I was happy to see that she chose to break that ice between us. This is the thing I like about her the most, she is bold and beautiful. She is not like any other ordinary girl and that only makes her special among all and dear to me. With so much of excitement but more of a patience, which I hardly had now, I said,
"No problem Sarika, you can say, what you want to."
She said, "Sameer, Rahul is coming to India, you know him right",
"Oh! Rahul. If I am not wrong, is that the one, your friend from the US?"
In my mind, I was puzzled by the way she brought this topic in middle of this. I was actually pissed off by this turn of event but I composed myself and tried to be a gentlemen, the skill which I acquired after I started working and the only thing I can claim now to be best at. She continued,
"Yeah, you are right, but that's not enough, today, I want to share with you something more about him", my heart started beating faster. Analytical part of my brain was telling aloud that something worst is coming but the creative half of my brain was assuring me and asking me to be positive, but somehow I was not able to control my nerve this time and started feeling low. She went on and said,
"He is not just friend to mine, he is actually my boyfriend as well. It's been a year. We are in a relationship and now he is coming to India for a long holiday. We are planning to talk to our parents about our relationship and proposal of our marriage. We talked and discussed about this a lot of times, but I am so confused and worried at the same time that I can't even explain to you."
I was numbed and was totally lost at this revelation. I looked with pity at myself and experienced an unknown pain and agony inside me. She was speaking continuously but I was no longer listening to her. Her words were falling on deaf ears. I was not at all interested in her love story and my pain was only increasing with her sight with each passing moment. I was expressionless for a moment and my thoughts went on a tour to all the beautiful moments which we spent together. It was hard to believe me that, how everything came to an abrupt end with just few words. I desperately wished that if I had a time machine, I would have gone back and erased this half hour or this day or best of all - I would have avoided meeting her at first place and everything which followed. I was immersed in these thoughts and in a deep pain when suddenly I realized that Sarika was seeking my attention. Her left hand was on my left shoulder, she was gently shaking it, just the way she does it always, whenever she needs my attention. 'Oh God! I will again fall in love with her!' I said this to myself but again I realized, I have made a mistake again. She is already in love with Rahul. I virtually separated all of my thoughts of romantic associations with her and started listening to her, this time with no excitement but with a complete dose of calmness and composure. She said,
"I am not sure how my parents will react to this, you know how orthodox they are. I can't live without Rahul. I want to marry him, but I also don't want to lose my parent, I love them too. They are equally dear to me. So I need your help in this. Will you try to convince my parents for this marriage? My family trusts you and they will certainly give a thought if you say something to them. Besides, you have an excellent interpersonal and communication skills. You are the best negotiator I know now and I am sure that you will crack this too. You are my only hope, who can help me to have my parents at least agree, if not happily accept my love marriage with Rahul. Will you do this for me?. please?...please??..please....???"
I looked into her eyes with a smile. Inside me, I knew, I can't deny anything she asks when she asks anything with these long 'please'. But considering the situation and especially my position, I tried to resist saying that either Rahul would not like it or he is the person, who should do this job and not me. Ideally, he was the person who should hold this discussion in the first hand with her parents and try to convince them. But she turned me down, saying, I am better than him. But what it sounded to me was, 'Sameer, you are better than him, but only in this or as a friend and not as my boyfriend or my husband.' I was filled with pain in my heart but I tried to assure her,
"Yes, sure, no issues. I will talk to your parents, when is he coming back?"
"He is coming next week", she said.
"Okay, let him come and talk to his parents. You too have a brief discussion with your parents. Then let him talk to your parents and then only I will be able to talk to your parents on this. Please understand Sarika. It is a situational protocol, which we should follow." I tried to convince her again.
She gave a thought for a moment and said,
"Okay, whatever you say! But you should guide him on this like how to conduct and present our case to my parents to the best. You are expert of all situations, you can guide him well on what to talk and how. At this moment I can only trust you, I need you Sameer."
'I need you Sameer'. She said this once but I heard it echoing multiple times in my ears, in my heart and I said,
"Of course Sarika, I am there for you, always!" and I laughed at myself, that even at this moment, she needs me but she can't be mine. I thanked god or destiny, whatever you call it, for at least he assured that she considers me as a good friend and suddenly I had not became her so-called brother. She loves me as a friend maybe or maybe she just needs me to make her marriage happen. But whatever may it is now, she needs me and I should be there for her with her. Because after all, I love her.