Excuse me forever...

Just like any other ordinary day, Madhu is busy. She had already received a mail from her Project Manager to prepare a presentation for a meeting which is scheduled today. The clouds gathered in the sky turning it smoky black. Just then the drizzling started outside to everyone’s joy. But Madhu; completely focused on work was busy completing the presentation with great interest.

And there came the call on Madhu’s mobile. She saw an unknown number. Thinking of it as a wrong number, she slowly picked up a phone and placed it to her ear, while her hands were still typing the content for presentation.

"Hello", she said.

There was no response for a few seconds from the other side. She repeated, "Hello". Then she heard a deep sigh from the other side, it was a man on the other side and next moment she heard,

"Hello, Madhu ..."

She was surprised. She asked "Hello,… Rajesh?"

"Yes", the caller responded with a deep sigh again and he asked, "How are you Madhu?"

The wheel of thoughts started running in her head speedily and within a moment she recalled everything. Just like a movie, everything afresh, like it all happened a minute before. Her heart filled with the memories and deep feeling of sorrow filled her heart. Her voice became heavy. She thought of asking him, "What do you think?" but she simply responded, "Fine, how are you?"

"Good", was his reply.

Again a silent moment passed through and he asked:

"Actually I wanted to meet you, can we?"

"No. I have an important meeting today so I can't," she said.

"No problem, we can meet in the evening." He insisted.

She thought for a second and replied, "I cannot promise you, I am not sure at what time I will be free."

But without a second of delay, he said, "Please Madhu, I really want to see you, I will wait for you at 'Cafe Saturn' on 6."

With a sound uneasiness she spoke, "I will try"

"I am waiting for you...Please come, Madhu, I know it is difficult for you, but please, I am in desperate need to talk to you" He was talking with some unknown urgency and eagerness.

She was unable to continue the discussion anymore and thus she spoke, cut-short-ing the conversation, "Ok, I will, bye"

“see you ..." he said and disconnected the call. He wanted to continue the conversation but he had no courage to do so after all that he had done to her in the past.

She was in utter pain and shock after the call. Though the call barely lasted less than two minutes, but it made a huge impact on her. He was that chapter in her life which she never wanted to open. His memories still haunt her. She wanted to forget everything but it is not easy for her, after all she loved him for a part of her life and even now when she hates him, he forms the part of her life. She is trying to move on. There is no contact between them but she is not disconnected by him. He still lives in memories, Memories which she want to erase if given a chance. But that doesn’t happen. You have to deal with it and continue living with it bearing the pain inside your heart. No matter how hard and painful it is for you.

She thought, why he called her after three long years, and why he wants to meet her now? Is he okay or something wrong happened to him? Number of thoughts like this stormed within her mind. She felt so disturbed that she was unable to concentrate on the presentation. She was looking at the screen of monitor and her hands on the keyboard, but her mind was somewhere else, deep in the thoughts of Rajesh...

Rajesh was Madhu's husband, 3 years before they separated and started living separately. From that day onwards there is no communication between them. The very first time they met in the college annual festival. With the time their friendship blossomed into love and soon they realized that they cannot live without each other. They got married 5 years before against their family wishes and started their happy married life. But after some time, Madhu started thinking that Rajesh changed after marriage and now he is not the one which he used to be before marriages. On Contrary Rajesh due to his work became busy in his professional life and now he was not able to give enough time to Madhu. He has to work hard for a better life but many times he thought that Madhu did not understand his ambitions and dreams. The clashes of emotions and ambition resulted in everyday complaints. Complaints become quarrels soon and ultimately it took a shape of big fights. Under the same roof they started behaving like strangers. One day he had a fight with his boss at the office and he came home late. But when he came home, Madhu started complaining regarding his commitments towards her as a husband. He got angry by her reaction and both started fighting. The fight reached to peak that day and Rajesh slapped her. Crying and angry Madhu left his home that night. Rajesh was very angry that time and took no care to ask why she is living and where she will go at that unusual night hour. All alone and helpless Madhu went to one of her friends and she decided to get separated from Rajesh. The final nail on the coffin of their dead relationship was stroked that day as neither Rajesh nor Madhu was ready to let go of everything and start again. They thought the colours of their relationship faded away soon and they have no future together. So they decided to get separated and move on and complete the remaining journey of life alone. Very soon after they divorced and started living independently. Madhu got a job in an insurance company and she is an independent working woman now. Rajesh is also doing well at his job and now he is Asst. General Manager in a reputed firm.

All of a sudden she was interrupted by some voice; she thought that somebody is calling her. Yes, it was her colleague Shikha who was telling her that the proposed meeting is postponed till 2 O'clock. With her voice, she came to reality. Still not recovered completely she nodded to Shikha and started to working on presentation with a slight feeling from inside that I should go to see him.

At 2 O’clock the meeting started and it ended in an hour and a half. Everything was seemed to be fine and that is the sign that she can go home by 5. So she decided to meet Rajesh in the evening, not cheerfully but eagerly waiting to see him.

She left office half an hour before than usual and reached home early. As she left early so there was no traffic and she reached home well within time. She got ready in her dark maroon sari and left home to meet Rajesh. All the time in auto, till she reached 'Cafe Saturn', she was felt a volcano of thoughts that's why she was going to meet him. At one point she was thinking that everything was over years before and he left me in middle and didn't called me even a single time then why today? What is going on his mind? Why the hell he wants to meet me now?

The auto stopped at 'Cafe Saturn'. She passed the fare to auto driver and get down. She checked the time, it was 6:15. She looked at the Cafe shop. It looked very new and much changed than what it was in her college days. She and Rajesh used to visit this same place every day after college. Now everything was looking new to her but that feeling of excitement was missing. She moved ahead and entered to the cafe. She looked all around, the cafe was full of college couples, they are chatting with great excitement, laughing and enjoying. The whole cafe's cheerful environment sounded good to her but her eyes were looking for Rajesh, She found Rajesh sitting at one corner looking at the outside window. She started walking towards him quietly. Within no time she reached at him and said,

 "Rajesh..."

Hearing his name Rajesh distracted and looked up. He was not able to believe his eyes, by that time his mind was started telling that she will not come but someone in his heart was still telling him that she will come. Seeing her standing in front, he was in a mixed emotion of surprise and happiness, his heart filled with excitement and cheer that he was not able to utter anything. Seconds of silence passed through them and he asked,

"Hi Madhu, how are you?"

"I am fine, how are you?” Madhu said.

"Fine", Rajesh replied and again a gap of silence filled the conversation.

Rajesh looked at her. She sounded much beautiful to him in her maroon sari with as usual no sign of external make-up. Simple but stunning, with the same gaze which made him to love her.

Madhu looked from the corner of her eyes at Rajesh. He has changed a little she thought, wearing a black shirt and blue jeans today, with the same smile as it was years before but less cheerful. The dark circles under his eyes told that he is working hard. Nobody said anything for a few minutes and then Rajesh spoke out,

"I thought that you will not come." his words interrupted her and after a while she said,

 "I thought not to come but,"

She paused for a second and continued, "Meeting was ended early and I decided to meet you."

Her reply made Rajesh comfortable and he continued the usual conversations about their life. But even though for both of them this normal conversation was just bit difficult, with sighs and pauses for moments, like they are nobody and just strangers. In mid they had their coffee and conversation continued. After some time Rajesh asked,

"Madhu, Can we be together again. We will start again living together. I really loved you and I cannot live without you. After you left me nothing excites me, things are dull and only one question bothers me why I became so stupid at that time, why I left you? Feeling of losing a priceless jewel disturbs me every moment. Yes, it’s true that you moved from my life but till date I am not able to move you out of my heart."

He was talking with his life for his life to his life. He opened up his heart and looked at Madhu. But Madhu was calm. Of course she never expected that he felt so much lonely, and now when she assured herself to live without him, all alone, only for her, he is telling all this. She was quite for a minute and then she replied in a calm voice,

"Rajesh, I respect your feelings. I also agree that you feel lonely without me, but this can't help now. With much effort I consoled myself that I have to live without you. I always loved you more than myself and will love you forever but..."

She paused for a second, Rajesh was listening with full attention with a hope in his eyes and his heart, and she continued,

 "But we cannot unite again. We separated three years before and I want to go separately for next."

 With that statement she lifted her mobile and purse from table and stood in a position to leave. Rajesh stand up from his chair looked to her. She said,

"Rajesh I know this is difficult for you, but now, I cannot move back, I am happy in my life and decided to live my remaining life for myself. Please drop this idea. I wish all the best to you for your life and hope that you will soon find somebody in your life and you will forget me soon." Rajesh made an unsuccessful attempt again to talk but she stopped him, telling,

"Rajesh, Please understand this and…" with a deep sigh she said,

"And please excuse me forever," and she left the cafe.

Rajesh was numbed by her response. Her strange words left him hurt, He felt his breath became heavy and his heart cried. He wished he should scream but he drank his tears and looked at her going image helplessly which soon disappeared from his eyes leaving him alone while her words echoing in his ears... 'Excuse me forever...'