A Laughter Riot (2) The online class saga

Payal Balpande had a tough time keeping her eyes open. Her history teacher droned on about the Indian Freedom Struggle. Since it was an online class, she asked her mother to give her a cup of coffee. She tried to focus her attention but found her eyelids drooping. How she wished she hadn’t taken her food before the class! The teacher, Mrs.Jaya Dewan, asked a question, ” Can anyone of you tell me about Mangal Pandey and his role in the Indian uprising?” Sneha was the first student to reply.

She said,” Aamir Khan was Mangal Pandey. I didn’t like him with his silly mustache. His role nearly killed me of boredom.” Her teacher and Payal burst out laughing. Since most of the students had muted their videos, only the teacher’s guffaw was audible. Mrs.Jaya took a deep breath before speaking to Sneha,” My dear child! You nearly caused me a heart attack. Are you seriously unaware of historical facts? Let me ask you another question. Can you identify the slogan, ‘You give me blood, and I will give you freedom’ ?”

Sneha answered,” Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose.” The teacher felt relieved and asked her,” Why did he say that?”

Sneha replied,” One of his relatives got injured in a car crash and lost plenty of blood. As there was no blood bank available, he made an earnest appeal to the donor to give his blood. He promised to give freedom in exchange for his valuable help.” The teacher was almost in tears from laughing. She paused for a while. She felt ashamed for laughing at Sneha’s silly answer.

She assumed a harsher tone and said,” That’s enough clowning for the day. I expect you to write a five-page essay on the Great Freedom Fighters of India by Saturday. Your essay should not insult our great freedom fighters. They have sacrificed their lives for us. Please respect them and try to study hard. You are in the eighth grade now. Open your books as often as possible.”

Sneha apologized to her and didn’t disrupt the class until it was over. Payal texted Sneha to avoid answering the questions voluntarily.

The next class was English. Mrs. Sudha appeared in front of her laptop screen. She greeted the children enthusiastically and took a piece of chalk to write on the blackboard. She was taking a grammar class. She wrote Figures of speech on the board. She asked, “Who can tell me about the figures of speech?” No one answered. Mrs. Sudha asked Sneha to answer the question. Sneha hesitated before replying,” A figure of speech depends on the person speaking.”

The teacher was confused and asked her to explain.Sneha explained,” My mom is obese. Her figure of speech is 60-60-60.” Mrs.Sudha was trying to figure out what was wrong with Sneha. She probed further,” Are you aware of simile, metaphor, or oxymoron?” Sneha responded,” I don’t know about Simile or metaphor. I think an oxymoron means that an ox is a moron.” The teacher let out an exasperated sigh.

“Please tell me about the parts of speech.”

” The upper jaw, the lower jaw, the tongue, the lips, and the vocal-chords are the parts of speech. We use them to speak. ” Mrs.Sudha ordered her to keep quiet for the rest of the class and continued her lesson. Payal was wide awake and had a great time laughing all the way.

There was a fifteen-minute break before the next class. Payal’s mother, Hema, entered her room. She inquired,” How is it going, dear?” Payal responded with a smile,” Let’s say that I am enjoying my classes. Sneha murdered the subject of the dead and English.” Her mother asked,” What do you mean by the subject of the dead? How can anyone murder a thing already dead?”

Payal told her about Sneha’s funny answers in History and English classes. Hema chuckled and added,” She is the undisputed class clown. Get ready for your next class.”

Mrs. Shilpa Rastogi strode in with her bulky figure. It was Maths class. Payal couldn’t help but smile at her Maths teacher’s weird dressing sense. The class started with a round of laughter as the teacher let out a small fart before sitting on the chair.

She said, “We have discussed the concept of

 ‘Pi’ in our previous class.” Sneha interrupted,” I am sorry, Ma’am. I missed my previous class. I didn’t know you were taking a cooking class. Was it an apple pie or a cherry pie?”

Mrs.Rastogi guffawed, ” Open your Maths book, dearie. Go through the definition of pi.

The value of pi is 22/7 or 3.14. Is it clear?”

Sneha answered,” Your explanation is tangent to my brain.” Everyone, including the teacher, snickered. The class ended after 45 minutes.

The science teacher, Mrs. Mukadam, took the last class for the day. She said, ” Children, today we are going to learn about the food chain. Do you have any idea of what a food chain is?” Sneha couldn’t resist answering, ” A food chain is a chain made of food. The examples of a food chain are the noodles necklace and the spaghetti chokers.”

Mrs. Mukadam snorted,” That’s enough for the day, Sneha. Thank you for entertaining the class with your genius answers.”

Payal rolled off her chair, clutching her stomach. She wanted to visit her best friend and hug her for making the class lively.

When she went to visit Sneha, her friend hadgone out to buy the groceries for her mother. Sneha’s mother invited her in and asked her to sit. Payal saw a piece of paper on which Sneha had scribbled something.

She picked it up and started reading. It was a funny poem on her History teacher. The poem was:

A Boring lesson.

As the teacher droned on and on,

All the students stifled a yawn,

The teacher caught me in the act,

Her rising temper anger was its impact.

She threw chalk at my head,

” If I caught you sleeping, you are dead.”

Poor me! I was in disgrace,

Unable to show anyone her face.

” I am sorry, Ms. Dewan, ” I said in a meek voice.

Apology to the teacher was my only choice.

To escape from punishment and detention,   

 I will start paying close attention.

The way, Ms. Dewan teaches is such a bore,

That the entire class begins to snore.

The poor teacher is absolutely helpless.

As the situation is totally hopeless.

Payal tried to stifle her laughter but failed miserably.