A Call From The Dark

A warm welcome to all in the planet of cold bodies. And I’m now one of them. But I can still present this crunchy wet innocuous paper before you. I can see my mother holding this note with her shocking hands and whispering, ‘Why have you done it, Kiran?” Maybe some unknown thoughts will be warming her head. Many people out there are blamable, but I had also done such a big mistake that can’t be erased and had nothing to learn from it. All I’ve got in this lockdown, is a story. And this story belongs to those young stars who haven’t yet recognized their worth. They always have the inherent fear for being unsuccessful. They always see the brightness of victory, have the plans to celebrate their triumph. But, what about the darkness? Darkness also itself is a beautiful fair woman. Her attractive and bright attitude don’t get love and appreciation from us. So, she follows the way, shown by Lucifer and tries to snatch our attention diplomatically.

Let's begin the story and you’ve got a chance to judge a boy. Oh sorry!; A spirit.

I was studying in a renowned engineering college with higher standard classy subjects. Every single chapter was like a time bomb for me. I used to complete each chapter within one month. Otherwise, someone made me feel like, “What else do you do all day? Everyone is going faster and you here sleeping like a damn useless?” I’m from those students who try hard but don’t get success as expected due to a lack of confidence. We are always in search of someone motivational and helpful. Parents and some mates used to help me. But in lockdown, all cannot be happened over the phone.

Those filtered smiles over online meeting didn’t make my heart blissful. And my hostel friends were not so matey. Truly, the boys were much smarter than me. So, making friends is as hard as solving calculus.

Everything was moving just like an ill tortoise. The pressures of those girlfriend-type complicated chapters didn’t let me sleep. The dark circles under manly eyes were indisputably visible. But who cares?

When it was around 5:30 pm, I got up from the bed seeing the colossal orange sun from my west-faced window. The poets generally describe the scene as if our light-bringer wore a burning orange saree. But I could feel her loneliness. It could be realized by any contemplative person like me. In this big sky, she always stays alone all day. She is so unaccompanied, isn’t she? Whatever, I looked back. All of my mates were standing roundly at a distance, discussing something which was sounded like mosquitoes' ‘pipi…’. Nothing could be heard and no one was willing to invite me. After some minutes, all went back to their beds, tensed. I called Yash waving my right hand.

“What has been discussed for so long? Something important?” I whispered.

Yash glanced and said, ‘Don’t you know?’

My scary face questioned, ‘No. None of you had informed me yet. Why?”

Some words from another boy interrupted our serious conversation, ‘Exam is knocking over your door. And you are sleeping here? 1st semester will be held on the incoming week.’

My ears were not so comfortable to tolerate those sudden attacks. It seemed that a giant beast had put the massive Mount Everest down on my wonky chest and it would crush my bosom. The blinking eyes of mine asked, ‘You are joking?’

‘You are not so friendly to me that I can joke with you,’ Saurabh said.

I turned to Yash and he drove his head up and down slightly.

Yash stretched his hands to remove his laziness humming inside and declared, ‘I’ve revised all chapters twice. Now it's time to show the depth of my knowledge. You are also ready Kiran, right?’

The word ‘Yes’ slipped out from the throbbing mouth. A sudden silence covered the whole room. I managed to come out from the study-based discussion. The wall clock over my head was showing 8:00 pm. I forwarded myself to the crystal window to see the moon. She might not be feeling at all alone because of the presence of tingling stars. Suddenly, some bunch of clouds unexpectedly veiled those twanging pupils without seeking their permission. The black spots of the moon became more visible and her invisible crying could be felt seeing the aura of the sky. The situation of my mind was very much like the moon, the solitary moon. I lowered my eyes, shut the window and headed towards my bed, feeling burdened. I laid holding a soft cushion with my hairy legs and closed my eyes.

‘Hey, Kiran, What are you doing?’ The womanly voice woke me up. She was on my left and more importantly, she was my elder sister whom I lost 3 years ago. A comet roughly landed on my chest. She was smiling. The redshirt with black jeans still fitted her body.

‘You? Here? On the college campus? How it’s possible?’ I asked, blinking.

She sighed shortly and told, ‘This is the place where I took my last breath. I am forced to stay here. My soul is stuck. 3 years ago, I was sleeping beneath this building around 12’0 clock at night, drawing something with my blood coming out from my head.’

‘Ooh! Please stop it, didi. I don’t want to imagine your pain,’ Putting my hands on her, I said.

‘O brother, It was not painful for me. Because it was done consciously and intentionally. Even I am so glad I had done it at last.’

‘Why? You have lost your precious life and none can give a second chance to you.’

‘I don’t need a life. It’s better to end this ruined life instead of making fun of myself by proving myself a looser every day.’

‘Ruined?,’ I asked.

‘Yes, it is. Our parents pretend to be sympathetic to create a good picture of themselves before society. But in reality, we know what they do with us. I was so much poor in maths and didn’t have any interest to be an idiotic engineering student. I always wanted to establish myself as an artist. But my art was buried. I passed my 12th and got admitted in this National institution. The result of my exams was kind of judging me.  

‘They were just showing you the path. They don’t want you to fall. They love you.’ I made an opinion.

She shouted, ‘Fucking love. I hate the way they love. It is conditional. The love where I’m not important to them, what type of love is it?’

I laughed. ‘You? Using slang?’

‘Over-possessive parents like them made us do anything beyond our thoughts. In 1st semester I got failed in Mathematics where the highest mark was 99.5%. The whole class got passed except me. Our classy family made fun of me. They were saying, ‘The daughter of champs become a loser in math? Can’t believe it.’

‘Blind bustard bloody bully humans,’ My elder sister spread her inner angriness.

After a short pause, she put her hand on mine. It was so cold. Silver bangles were still blazing what I had gifted her in birthday. She started saying again. But her next words forced me to think more sincerely.

‘Dear brother, I am feeling so lonely. I am always in search of a hand. Before my death, I faced many difficulties. But in this universe, no emotion can catch me now. No one is here to love me. I am alone. Will you come to me?’

I zoomed my eyes and trying to figure out what she said. I asked, ‘Can you elaborate?’

Instead of answering my question, she further wanted to know, ‘What about your Math? The exam is on its way, isn’t it? How’s your preparation?’

‘Very…ok…good enough. Maybe I will pass,’ I said, hesitated.

‘Oh! Really? Aren’t you hiding something?’ She asked with demonly eyes.

I hesitated a little and murmured, ‘Can’t hide anything from my el-sis. Better to confess.’

‘My maths and physics are still not good. Many sums have remained unsolved. I can’t pass the exam,’ I told, worried.

She uplifted her finely designed swarthy eyebrows and looked at me. ‘Ok then. You are mature now. And it’s your time to take a heavenly and godly perfect decision,’ She told.

She got up and moved slowly towards the door. I followed her till she reached the corner of the roof. She held the short wall made of red bricks. I yelled, ‘Careful! You will fall.’ I can only remember the last word, the last desire of her. ‘I’m so alone. Please come to me. Please…..’

‘Didi…..’ I wake up, panted. I rushed to the roof but found no one there. Then I walked to the end and leaned on the wall to watch the beneath. ‘Really! Did she come to me last night? Is she so alone?’ I asked myself. I came back to my room and glanced at the clock. It showed 5:00 am. I realized that my headache started. ‘Oh! God, Again? When will I study?’ I watched around. All were sleeping like innocent children. I convinced myself saying, ‘Let’s take a rest.’ I saw the lofty mountain of books beside me, sighed and laid.

The sudden vibration attacked my heart. I arose and brought in my android set under a blue-coloured cousin. It was ‘papa’, showing his name with a ‘missed call’ tag. I ringed him back.

‘Hel..lo’ I said, trembled.

‘What the hell are you doing? Still, sleeping? Scoundrel!’

I managed to say, ‘It was a headache.’

‘Forget your headache, idiot! Stupid! Stop conveying me useless excuses? It is 11’O clock. It’s time to read most attentively,’ Father yelled. ‘And you? How’s your Math? The full syllabus is covered, right?’ He poured his thought and desires within me.

‘I…Mean….’ I failed to say a word.

Then he approached with a ‘DO or DIE’ deal with him. ‘If you score 90% marks in this exam, I’ll think about your guitar. Otherwise, I will not hear your idiotic quotation anymore about dreams, love etc. Make sure that you will get the number. Remember, I have respect in society. Don’t try to ruin it. I am sure, you will be the best. All arrangements are ready for the celebration.’

My heart was saying me to slap him via slang. But I was not like that. I listened to him obediently and my subservient mouth committed, ‘I will.’ He cut the call.

Keeping the phone over the bed, I could hear the voice ‘Come to me. Why are you taking so much pressure? I am alone here.’ Nobody, no shadow, just the sound from another world. All the guys out there were discussing the chapters. I was just listening to their whispering and cultivated meaning of some of them but that was the worst. The whole day was passed with annoyance, tension and other symptoms of major depression.

Just 5 days left. The government’s decision had not changed yet. I didn’t know how to get 90% because I knew nothing about the question paper. Whatever, I was trying. I turned over the pages of my Mathematics copy and recognized some errors and half-solved sums within it. I stared at that, thinking deeply. Rohan was passing behind me. He stopped and asked, ‘What happened?’

‘Nothing. Just solving some problems,’ I answered.

‘Let me see,’ he said and snatched the copy from me.

He laughed. ‘Are you viewing any joker? Give my copy back. I’ll figure it out.’ I said, annoyed.

‘Give me the pen.’

I forwarded him my Pierre Cardin. After solving it, he said, ‘Here it is. It’s quite simple. Just using formula.’

I took it away to check the math and said ‘Oho! I could do the sum’ with a forceful smile. After Rohan had gone, I saw the solved math and the formula. I didn’t know the way of solving it. I started scratching my curly hair slowly but painfully. As the weight was too heavy for me, the water from my eyes passed through my face and could feel the salty taste. It ensured me my result. Rohan was not in my standard. It meant I was a grade better than him. He knew the solving trick and I didn’t know even the method.

‘Am I just a weight of the earth?’ I said within me.

Just 2 days to fail. The morning went on with the same confusion, tantamount difficulties, identical depressive calamity. The night ran to me at last. I closed my eyes waiting for her suggestions. After some long thirsty hours, those freezing hands touched my feet.

‘You are calling me? Do you want to come with me?’ Lara, my dead sister was there.

‘Yes. What else should I do? I can’t pass the exam. And normally, my life is going to end here. Better to stop everything before.’

She came closer to me and her long hair covered my face when she kissed gently my forehead.

‘Take this knife and have a long sleep,’ She said forwarding me the villain of life.

I rubbed my hands on my Fastrack blue pant and questioned, ‘It will hurt me a lot. I can’t. It is far worse than hearing the classy parent’s middle-class slangs.’

‘If you want to get permanent peace, you have to bear some risks. Life is like a business. Here, profit and loss depend on your choice,’ My elder-sister told.

I looked at the inviting stars, asking me to be a part of their family. I was seeing the moon, maybe for the last time. Her eyes were blinking, lips were in smiling mode and her index finger was indicating the sharp knife. I looked at the arranged books – looked at the knife- looked at the exam date- looked at the knife and then took the initiative. I stared at the veins in my hands. ‘Am going to hurt you, dear,’ I said myself. I forwarded my mouth and kissed my left hand. After a long pause, I took the knife and ran that through my vein. And that was done. The river would no longer flow. 

In the Morning 

I could see my roommates around my body. The principal, students, staff were discussing me. Then, I was the prime and hot topic. Two people in white uniforms entered the room and held me properly to keep on another bed. I was standing at the corner, seeing all the eyes. I was not too happy leaving my average-looking body.

I should inform you that I didn’t find my elder sister after being successful in suicide. The stars were not inviting me then. All I thought before taking an attempt was found false. Nothing was there as expected. I was just a soul, a depressed soul. My parents were standing beside my peaceful body. The note was in the hands of my mother. 'Good-bye my home'. They were frozen, shocked. My heart was telling me to hug them; oops! Sorry, souls don’t have a heart. So, I couldn’t. I left all the puzzles of sophisticated emotion and love behind.

Suddenly, someone switched on the T.V. And the trending news shocked me. ‘Government postponed the exam due to COVID-19.’

‘What the fuck!’ The Hollywood sentence certainly came out of my mouth. What else could I do? There was nothing to regret. I already had sold my precious life to God without making any profit from this Earth. But what about my elder sister? She was too lonely, isn’t she? Where was she? The girl whom I met last night, was my elder sister, or, Was it call from darkness? 

Egad! I had done a big mistake. What if I will not pass the exam? I must get another chance in near future. But now, all are ended. 

If the reincarnation is true, then I will come back again and will fix all the mistakes done and will complete undone works. Now, it’s time to find a perfect body for this soul.