A Break-Up Letter To Facebook

Dear Facebook

You swept me off my feet the first time we met. It was a love at first sight. You turned my life upside down when you ventured into my tedious life.

I was overwhelmed when I got in touch with hundreds of my long lost friends. My childhood buddies, my schoolmates, my college pals, my roomies, my family friends, my admirers, and my rivals. At once, I got them all back. My friend requests got accepted within minutes. Super excited, we chatted, texted, exchanged numbers. For days, I was glued to my computer, days and nights, forgetting my home, my family, myself, and my life.

Eagerly, I went through the profiles of my friends. Most of them were placed in big companies, posted in big cities, India and abroad. I was amazed. Surely, life is a bitch. I found the last benchers of my class; now settled in New York, Sydney, and Singapore. Nerd Rohan is now a hunk, flaunting his hot wife and his cool life. Goodie goodie Suman, now a fashion designer and Geeky Geeta, now a legal advisor, smart and gorgeous. Flabby Suravi has toned down like hell, her stunning legs giving Malaika Arora a run for her money and my ex-suitor, the shy and timid Mohit is now the most eligible bachelor in his circle. Their attractive pictures and interesting updates, telling their stories of success, kept me hooked for hours.

My friends asked me what I do… for a living. I write. But I didn’t tell them. Is writing cool? I told ‘I do NOTHING.’ They were taken aback. They told I wasted my talent, I wasted my life. I was the topper in school. I ended up doing nothing. “What a waste of talent!” they sighed. I was wondering, How could I waste my life? How did I waste my life? Waiting for my husband to come home from his plant? Singing Lullaby to my daughter? Did I really waste my life? Just like that?

The tiny industrial town and my adorable home, for the first time, seemed far from the vibrant world of Facebook. The picture perfect photos of my friends made me uneasy. I envied their frequent visits to abroad. I had become less a friend, more a stalker. The closer I was to their lives, the more I was reminded of my pale life. My husband was too naïve for gizmos and his government job was as colorless as his files. In my town, I didn’t have lavish restaurants to check in, I didn’t have multiplexes to update, I didn’t have shopping mall to show off. Airport was too far and bus stops and railway stations were not cool places to be updated.

I regretted not having a DSLR camera to photoshop my life. I was annoyed, helpless, and discontent. The best hotel in my town looked unappealing. My favorite dish was not appeasing any more. If I couldn’t update it on my Facebook, it was not worth it. For me, my life was not sophisticated enough to be updated on Facebook. Now, Facebook was a challenge, a race, a competition to show off how happy I was. How perfect my life was. Wherever I went, the only thing on my mind was ‘Can I UPDATE it on FB.’ Does this place qualify? Does this picture qualify? Does my life qualify… to be on Facebook??

My life became a mess. My self-assignments were piling up. My write-ups were left raw, uncooked; my manuscripts half-baked. I was easily flustered, agitated, and restless. My husband was worried. My daughter was baffled. My self-esteem had hit the bottom.

And then I got this call, from the publisher. Finally, they had decided to publish my first novel. It was a moment of victory. A moment of my success, a moment of my triumph. My sense of worth was back. The vacuum inside me had dissolved. My husband was in high spirits. He asked me to share our big news on Facebook. I smiled, opened my computer, and logged in to Facebook.

And now, as I write this, I can figure out my relationship with you, Facebook. I realize I can live wihtout you. I realize ours was not true love but just an infatutaion. You are not my soulmate but only my summer fling. Before you came into my life, my life was dull but not lonely. I was a little bored but not depressed. You left me unhappy, miserable and discontent. Our relationship is beyond any fix now. 

I looked at my profile for a minute and then all of a sudden, I deleted my account. I smiled at my baffled husband and replied, “My second novel deserves my undivided attention. I can’t have few ‘Updates,’ ‘Likes,’ and ‘Comments’ as my lifelines. I can’t be the star of my own reality show anymore.’

Dear Facebook, please forgive me as I am not coming back to you. I am breaking up with you and please understand it’s not you, it’s ME.

Sincerely

Yours Ex