36 And Not Out

The left hander was uncomfortably shuffling on his chair. Since the Team India's debacle of 36 all out his seat had turned hot. Ramifications of the debacle had slowly begun to unfold. In the year when the GDP had touched its nadir, this debacle did not seem an innocent event. Politicians had become suspicious of the hand of god. The entire country knew that he was considered the god of off side for his cover shots. But now the allusion to the hand of god in the debacle, the so called 'Prince' sighed.

As if this was not enough some twitter users had compared the score 36 to the chest size of one famous female icon of the country. The feminists were up in arms against the shameless men's cricket team for ending up scoring such a number. Why not 56 instead some of them asked with political over tones? Did the women's cricket team ever score below double digit asked with sexual overtones?

Anyway, he had called for a brain storming meeting and it was due to begin. One member straight away suggested that the scheduling was wrong since it coincided with another delivery. So, the captain instead of delivering match results got distracted delivery of a different animate matter. He continued stating that if possible, Captain must be a bachelor and must be totally confirming to the Hindu ethics of deliveries only after marriage.

In the event of having bachelor captains was not possible then cricket schedules must be carefully done so as to not to coincide with spousal delivery schedules. Or even better we should have a' no pregnancy' contract with the captain. The other members laughed in appreciation. We hope that with the substitute captain without such issues taking charge of Team India, its deliverance would improve, he concluded with a smirk.

Another member cheekily suggested that henceforth the Board should fix cricket matches with countries like Zimbabwe and Ireland where we are sure to win and hold our held high. 

Another member asked if there was possibility of tinkering with rules? Without waiting for an answer, he continued when Team India is batting, we must have only two stumps instead of three. Team India must be allowed to bat with a wider bat than at present.

That would be not just cricket to have such unfair advantages to Team India commented another member.

Another member said we should not let Australian cricketers play in IPL. They get very friendly with Team India members and learn about all their weaknesses and exploit them. For example, the Adelaide pitch was tailor made for Australian bowlers. But another member interjected and contested that in the first innings Team Indian bowlers managed to bundle out the Australian team. To this the first member countered it was truly in second innings that Australian showed their true class.

The left hander interrupted and reminded everyone that Boxing Day second test was due in another few days. What can be done before that? He continued that in Chakde India the Indian team lost badly to the Australians but came back to beat them in the finals. We need to do a Kabir Khan to the Team India.

Then someone sneeringly said that there was a whale of difference between a film and real cricket.

One sadvi said we can think of a magic brew made of 'gomutra' which the Team India should consume on all the days of the cricket. This drink would make them unbeatable. This special 'go' is bred in the land of Ayodhaya only. One cow if transported immediately to Australia would take care of the needs of the entire Team India. But this has to be done in secrecy on some other pretext.

We can also conduct a special yagna as a back-up. Even our ex-PM Nehru had requested for such a yagna before the war with China in 1962. Sadvi continued that in Peethambar Peeth in the central province such yagnas are regularly performed. For ensuring victory Bagulamukhi anusthan should be performed.

The left hander had no choice. There was no cricketing brain present in the meeting. The members of the board were mostly from those who believed in myths and rituals. Just the previous day they had placed a demand to erect a statue of their ex-leader in the capital stadium.

The left hander thought that this hot seat was only a temporary one. He had in mind the CM's chair in his home state. For this if he has to sacrifice the cricket he would do. He had long ago finished his innings and was waiting to begin a new innings in politics.

He gave the nod to sadvi to start the yagna at once.