The Monkey And The Groundnut

THE MONKEY AND THE GROUNDNUT

 

One day a monkey confessed to the nut

"I've left my jolly capers

Right above the ground high up

A tree lofty and tall

Pray tell me where can it be?"

 

"O should you not see" the nut replied

As a monkey nut should

To the nut case monkey

"I live beneath the mud

Grime, dirt and grit

Bear I with a grin

A mirthful muddy countenance

As plainly you shall see contrary wise

My monkey shell unlike you

Is found in an underground cavern

Deep beneath a black tunnel

While you on the other hand defy gravity

And swing indeed from tree to tree

Rightly or wrongly quoted though

Thence can a monkey court a nut on a tree?

So beautiful and loving as me

So good and down to earth"

Challenged the nut to the nutcase monkey

 

But the monkey in vain

Held his head high up in the air

Proud as could be

As a strutting peacock with an emerald and ruby crown

As he glittered his nut case

For he could ape anyone I suppose

And retorted he

Most arrogant and vainly

"I love myself O pretty me

For I need not look into the mirror

I am King of Apes

When in Rome do as the Romans do

Hails my slogan that I live with of course

And definitely would not court a nut

With a name that spells me"

Thence aped the monkey his muddy brown ground nut fan

As if it possessed muscles one, two, three

Biceps and triceps

Her outer shell so lovingly

 

Much disgusted and reviled by his disgraceful antics

Though never was the imp of a monkey ashamed of them

 I suppose never was he

Said the monkey nut to the monkey on the tree

Much chagrined I suppose

As a monkey nut should be

"Shame on ye!

You scoundrel!" 

Declared she furiously

 

Appalled and outraged

By his beguiling antics merry as would be

Though politely and subtly

Changing her manner properly and composed she

As nitty gritty a nut should be

Without any hesitation or a stutter

Even on the subject 

Flair she keenly possessed

Challenged she the ruthless monkey from arts to politics

A cunning strategy of the century 2023

With a flowery culinary lingo

Impeached the monkey and tried

But failed to convict him

In the jungle Senate

 

"Crack a nut thy little coy caper berry

Shall I to begin with

Before thou cracks mine"

When she learnt of the raw uncouthly rogue

An unshaven ruffian who misbehaved

 

"You shan't be voted a monkey president of course

However shall I sue you in a Supreme Court Definitely?

You must be admonished

And demoted in rank

Like a senator I vouch for it

So be it president

A monkey on a tree or a monkey nut below earth

To be or not to be!"

The monkey nut exclaimed in full rapture and emotion

 

Provoked the jolly rhapsody of the clout monkey

"Oooohoo Ahhahha!"

"Much ado about nothing" 

He sighed as she cursed!

Condoned the many flaws of her witty sarcasm and exaggerations

She so wrongfully accused the naughty monkey of

In their casual tête-à-tête

 

With her creeping roots and its many clawed forked branches

 Downstairs gripped firmly

Grapevine it grappled

The spiral stairway to hells chamber

Beneath the earth's dark muddy and musty tunnel in vain

Clinging tenaciously to her point of view

Whilst he swung from the heavens

From tendrils, vines and boughs

Along deep ravines and mountains

Between valleys and gales

That swerved through rivulets and shale's

 

"For you dangle up in the sky

Like Tarzan Bundena swinging by

Instead of Jane

Holding those precious berries

Your jolly capers and funny grin

Shinning up, jolting your loins and muscles you titivate

A hoodlum for the audience

You entertaining chimpanzee!"

 

"Riotous and helter-skelter

You flee swinging arms one by one

As you steal from pockets their paper cone cups

Full of monkey nuts

Now wear you a cap called Amos and Pathos

You'd swear yourself to be a clown

As I sue you rightly a thousand quid

And a hundred smackeroos!

Better make up

Growing plenty of those monkey nuts you stole"

 

She came down hard on the Ape 

Admonishing him drew the line

Before she further exhorted and proceeded to explain…….

 

"Or if the law shan't charge you

For petty theft and philandering

My brown tanned leather purse

Full of dollars, roubles, francs, dimes and coppers

Down my kingdom of rubbles and ancient excavations

Mohenjo-Daro and Harappa

Egyptian pyramids, sphinxes or domes

Of some mummies of ancient Pharaohs

 Besides the river Nile

You Silly Dummy!

Little Ape of a Monkey!

 Or even some bombed cities

Ancient churches of Rome

Where Archaeologists my stunning cavities would rarely find……

 

Thence shall I with my mace and clobber

Clout your nut 

A rodgering

You filthy disgrace

For an ounce of a pound 

Stealing 

Kilos of 'em monkey nuts

You little nut case monkey

 

An eye for eye!

Tooth for tooth!

A pound of flesh 

Shall it be!

To serve you befitting a life sentencing

Imprisoned in a gaol

Better without me

Those tasty gourmet nuts"

Said she to the monkey

 

But the monkey continued

Chomping gleefully in vain

 

Thence continuing the spree 

Of the sparring episode

Said she expertly

For the monkey nut loved chattering

Just like her gibbon mate

Chatter away his rhapsody

"Oooohoo Ahhahha!"

Both indulged talkatively

"Nuts and monkeys"

 

"Crack shall I wide open your nut

You louse to hammer with

My bludgeon or mace

Before you heartily crush and crunch 

Those tasty nuts

You disgrace! With my muscular arm 

Its outer sinewy shell or carapace mace

And little nuts in its secret cavities!"

 

"Though it's been called a guilty pleasure

Time pass munchies by the shore side

And forgiving those bouts of flatulence

To those who somehow are repelled

And much abhor my nutty humour I carry with me

Called earthy exuberance and nut tree allergies"

 

But the monkey as tough as a tough nut to crack

One could not open or try to pry

With a telescope, monkey pliers or even a magnifying lens

His funny antics

Head over tails and tails over heads

Much amused his raw nutty highness

To her utter disgrace

Still continued his whims and fancies

Of pick pocketing and laundering

From caps and wallets

Paper cone cups

Those delicious monkey nuts

 

The monkey though adored her guts

The monkey and the groundnut!

Theirs was amorous a fling!

A nutcase and his gourmet nut

Nitty-gritty with a grin!

Cheesy and ludicrous

And therefore delightful a spar

Between the funny monkey and the witty groundnut!

Charming a couple as can be!