The Greatest Fear

I landed on this planet totally fearless

Little did I suspect anybody around me

I wailed and screamed for attention

Out of thirst and hunger but not out of fear

My mother’s loving hug reassured me

That I was very safe and secure

As long as her wings protected me 

I slept peacefully, only to wake up to get fed

As long as I stayed home with my mother

I knew not what fear meant

One day all of a sudden 

My mother dropped me in a strange place

And guess what; she walked away

I knew nobody there

There were many others like me

Crying their hearts out

How could you do this to me Amma?

One auntie carried me and tried to pacify me

I wouldn’t stop crying and in came another auntie

She carried me out of that room

Went into the garden and tried to pacify me in vain

She raised her voice and sternly said, ‘Stop’

That place scared me a lot

I later came to know it was a school

After crying for hours, I got tired and slept

I woke up when I could feel the soft hands of my mother

Hey, she came back, she took me home

Thus I had the experience of my first fear in life

Separation from my dearest mother

I did not know then that it was just the beginning

Fear of darkness, fear of ghosts and even Gods

Fear of exams, fear of competition, fear of performance

Fear of verbal abuse, fear of physical abuse

Fear of bias, fear of failure, fear of disappointment,

Fear of leaving my family of 25 years and entering a strange family

Fear of getting let down by my own people

Fear of getting branded

Fear of being ignored and neglected

Fear of earning disrespect 

Fear of loneliness

Fear of losing my dear ones

Fear of losing their love

Fear of my children moving away from me

Fear of the unknown risks 

Fear of diseases

Fear of becoming a parasite

And losing my independence

Fear of displeasing my own kith and kin

The list is endless

Everyday of my life is spent in fear

Of one thing or the other

But the worst fear is that of death

The mystery that nobody can unravel

It is not the death actually that frightens me

But the way in which death is going to embrace me

Will it be too sudden or too painful or too undignified?

I always pray and wish I die in my sleep