Self Victimization

What could have had been a better realization,

Than pure and straight self-victimization.

Or maybe some boon long-hidden,

Perhaps a unicorn waiting to be ridden.

The unicorn did not come my way,

The boon just cost much more than I ever could pay.

Rough tusk against my skin, smothered my young self,

So unable to breathe.

Or just a lesson that, some or another day, every girl has to wreathe.

Let alone handcuffing the ones that strangle,

I was again asked to just ramble.

Ramble in a world of the rough tusk,

Ramble unconsciously of love, in the backdrop of pure lust.

Maybe find the unicorn, I have not been destined to meet,

And not remember anything bad as such and again try to appear upbeat.

The journey of victimizing my own self subsequently began,

When any such thing had not originally been on plan.

Anyway, brushing all aside,

Thought could still wear a new sense of pride.

A year or so in time,

When only my steps should have b

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een able to climb.

Climb the ladder fair and square,

Life had really become the turn of events I was previously asked not to dare,

Dared not to think of; let alone do,

Was commanded not to do anything out of the blue.

Asphyxiated myself with the memory of the bad touch,

Or maybe just strode the same path in a totally different search.

Searching for my lost self that I absolutely should,

Maybe tracing a green leaf in the long-abandoned black wood.

Don't know how close I have reached,

Unaware of the principles that should have had been preached.

Anyway, it’ll suffice to live the life I got,

Though, am still curious to know what He'd henceforth plot.

But, not now, nothing of tomorrow do I want to know,

Not willing to know about the vessel I'd subsequently row.

'Cause I have learnt to keep up with the dark,

Now I know, not every insignificant thing has to leave a mark.

Mark behind, stain more so, self victimized,

Or say, another soul left traumatized.