Pages
Pages


I was looking for some books
In the back of my bookcase
When I came across my black binder that
I had hidden away from prying eyes
For all my secrets were contained within
After a few, I opened it again
As all the different pages tumbled out
And fell from my grasp
Making a Chaos on the floor
This mess was a replica
Of my feelings back then
Every page held a confession or a question
Or stories that I had lived with him
Or the life I wish I had with him by my side
I had numbered them all till seventy-six
Then the feelings consumed me whole
So I just lost count from then on
From the first to the very last
Every paper was addressed to him
And as I opened each letter
The memories came flooding back
The way he held me
The way he lied
The way he showered his love
The way he denied
The love story I believed we had
The fairytale I had dreamed about
Was gone in a flash
There were some pages
Which blamed him by calling him names
For everything he'd done
Had just tore me apart
Those were the notes which showed
The time when I was at my lowest moments
When I was trying to find the tinge of light
That'll help me through this ongoing storm
There were some notes where
I confessed that
Even when he stabbed me in the back
He still owned my heart
These were a reminde
r of how true my love was
When I read all these notes
All the confessions of love
And the pain of the betrayal
I realised that in the last few years
I had come a long way
I have reached a place
Where there was no pain
Brought by the ugly truth
Where there were no blames
Forced on him
Those were just memories
Which I could sit back and cherish
Whenever I'm feeling alone and sad
Isn't that what you always wanted?
For me to let go and see it all
As a fantasy
That's never meant for reality
You never fell in love with me
Yet the way he claimed he did
Made it the most epic romance
I will ever face
The way I loved him is clear to see
The way I was broken
Seeps through the tears stains left on the sheet
Now I have reached a point where
I am certain that
It was never meant to be real for him
Where all he did was pretend
And lie to my face
Yet it fails to have the same impact on me
Like it had when the wounds were fresh
I am not bold enough to say
That all the scars left by him
Have healed
Or all the wounds have been filled
Yet I can say for certain
That I have come a long way
From where I had began
These pages hold many memories
Some good but mostly sad
At least now I have learned
How much power someone
Can really hold over you.