Pages

I was looking for some books

In the back of my bookcase

When I came across my black binder that

I had hidden away from prying eyes

For all my secrets were contained within

After a few, I opened it again

As all the different pages tumbled out

And fell from my grasp

Making a Chaos on the floor

This mess was a replica

Of my feelings back then

Every page held a confession or a question

Or stories that I had lived with him

Or the life I wish I had with him by my side

I had numbered them all till seventy-six

Then the feelings consumed me whole

So I just lost count from then on

From the first to the very last

Every paper was addressed to him

And as I opened each letter

The memories came flooding back

The way he held me

The way he lied

The way he showered his love

The way he denied

The love story I believed we had

The fairytale I had dreamed about

Was gone in a flash

There were some pages

Which blamed him by calling him names

For everything he'd done

Had just tore me apart

Those were the notes which showed

The time when I was at my lowest moments

When I was trying to find the tinge of light

That'll help me through this ongoing storm

There were some notes where

I confessed that

Even when he stabbed me in the back

He still owned my heart

These were a reminder of how true my love was

When I read all these notes

All the confessions of love

And the pain of the betrayal

I realised that in the last few years

I had come a long way

I have reached a place

Where there was no pain

Brought by the ugly truth

Where there were no blames

Forced on him

Those were just memories

Which I could sit back and cherish

Whenever I'm feeling alone and sad

Isn't that what you always wanted?

For me to let go and see it all

As a fantasy

That's never meant for reality

You never fell in love with me

Yet the way he claimed he did

Made it the most epic romance

I will ever face

The way I loved him is clear to see

The way I was broken

Seeps through the tears stains left on the sheet

Now I have reached a point where

I am certain that

It was never meant to be real for him

Where all he did was pretend

And lie to my face

Yet it fails to have the same impact on me

Like it had when the wounds were fresh

I am not bold enough to say

That all the scars left by him

Have healed

Or all the wounds have been filled

Yet I can say for certain

That I have come a long way

From where I had began

These pages hold many memories

Some good but mostly sad

At least now I have learned

How much power someone

Can really hold over you.