Not Anymore

Feeling suffocated, unable to breathe.

Body shivers, vision blurs.

Losing control, I collapse.

Searching for peace has become the goal impossible.

It turns out the winter is not in solace,

The snow is falling, suffocating me underneath its layers.

Storming chilly winds tearing me apart.

The hope is dying for there is not a single sign of spring.

It turns out to be an extinct season now... 

Am I worth it? Am I deserving? 

Doubting myself and my strength.

Undermining has become a habit.

A habit I fear let go... 

Thinking again and again about the silliest things

Until and unless it is the only thing that keeps swirling in my head.... 

Was I like this always? or did I choose to be? 

"I think a lot", people say..

I know, do you have something new to say?

Do you have any cure?

Shall I bleed until the spring comes?

or 

Shall I disperse in the heavy fog like a mist?

The hopes keep dying, breaking into pieces every second.

I am tired.

No, I am not fine.

I can't pretend to be strong anymore.

I don't want to hide behind the curtain of words, ink or paper.

Not anymore...